My Crazy Life

i am a surviver. i do not give up. i am here, im alive and you cant do anything about it. i have survived all the shyt youve thrown my way and yet im still here. your abuse was overwhelming. yet im alive. your cruel words were like death blows to my fragile child ego.i still grew up. i lived on my own since i was 13. it was confusing to know that the world will hurt you as much as your own sounds stupid but i thought only my family was mean and hateful and that other people love each other and care about good and love and family and fun. i learned 13 i did nude pictures for a dirty old man named charlie. he never touched me but he did pay my rent for the pictures. i did not know it was child ****. it progessed to videos and then i realized if i didnt get out now i would be into real street walking and having sex for money.i did not want that. so instead of following the rest of the females in this natural progression i decided to dominate the weaker girls and got them to sell *** for me. yes i was pimping others so i didnt have to. i was only 15. that lasted about two years. i hitched hiked from atlanta to alabama,mississippi.louisana up through texas and all the way to oklahoma. i was tired and headed back to atlant ga. only home i knew.
finally i met a guy that my mother would approve of and hooked up with him mainly to try to win her love and approval and maybe to help me feel normal. i left all the sex industry stuff alone. before long i was pregnant and he was beating my *** everytime he would get drunk. that lasted till i was 5 months. finally got away. didnt see him again for 10 years. MY CHOICE. after that i focused on raiseing my daughter. she was the air i breathed. actually she is the reason i learned to love. real love. i never experienced love until then like i was broken before. kind of emotionally retarded before then. another important development in me was i had found empathy and sympothy. i never knew why people would make me say that little magic word SORRY. when i said it things could move on.i didnt know what sorry was nor did i care. i can honestly say i did not love or care for anyone until i had her. there were several failed relationships after that. i met a nice guy who was sexy and said all the right things. he accepted that i had a child and before i know it i am pregnant again. now the first one is only a few months old and you know it. buddy failed to tell me he was engaged and wanted nothing to do with me and my kids. i was devestated. i ended up giving up my second child to a privete adoption couple. it was a male child this time. times were very hard and blessing another with a life i could not provide for was the hardest thing i have ever done.many years go by and many events happen to shape my path.i studied wicca and did horoscopes and read the cards for you all for a small fee. i began looking for the reason im here why i survived all these things in my life. what was the reason i didnt die so many times growing up.
i caught a few marijuana charges. personal use only. just misdemeanors. i was in a long term relationship and it lasted almost 8 years. i found out my man was bisexual and i tripped out. i demanded a divorce. while this is going on i find i am pregnant. doctors said i could not have anymore children because i had an IUD and it embedded in my uterus. causing scaring and i was told no egg could attach and grow. he was wrong. it had been nine years since i gave my son up for adoption. the guilt almost killed me. i wanted this miracle child i never imagined id ever have and the thought i had given a child away and now having another one omg i was hurt.
she was perfect born healthy and beautiful. when we did divorce i was a single mother of two now. good thing im a workaholic, i worked my *** off for my girls. we did ok. money got real tight not long after that. i disappeared so he could not have contact with his child. BECAUSE while i was pregnant i got my sister to come stay with me to help me while soon to be ex hubby worked.
you guessed it he ran off and married my sister and got her pregnant asap; we now have kids less than a year apart. sister-cousins. wow i am now really living a jerry springer show. he left her too. married a string of other women and left them with kids too. did i mention that he married my sister BEFORE our divorce was final. he never divorced any of his other wives. by the way he is doing time im arizona for murder as we read this. by the by my sister who ran off with him ended up stabbing my other sister which is her twin to death. no ****. that was in 1997. so my niece by her and him has murderers for parents. believe it or not she was taken by the state put up for adoption and is now in the armed forces currently deployed. both this child and the one i gave up have been found and contact made and relationships built. so thats nice.
when my oldest got about 14 she wanted to live with her daddy. i let her go. didnt want to but she deserved to know him too. so i gave in to her.
years past and i was working at a resturant and my boss was stealing money off credit cards and i caught him. long story short i ended up leaving there only to find out later i had 123 counts of id theft. i was his patsy i got blamed or framed for this crap; i had several small misdemeanors on my record in the same county this was happening in. so i cant even go to court and try to prove me not guilty. so i ran. i ran for 5 years with a child. i lived like i was invisable.i found work at a cab company dispatching. paid cash 420 a week. so we survived. now if you think abour it. police could have traced me through my childs school. i could have not found cash paying job, i was only 100 miles away from them. and i never got caught. that proved i was not guilty. Kharma or G*D or just the law of averages should have caught me if i was guilty. i was on crime stoppers and americas most wanted. this was right before the statute of limitations was about to be reached. well several months after that i ran into my ex husbands ex wife and she attempted to turn me in for the reward. lol she was too late. i was past the statute of limitations by then, i did 14 days in county jail and it was all dismissed in court and the made the county so damn mad. they already was pissed they couldnt find me. and thought they did something by locking me up. lol. oh yea i beat the shyt out of ol girl for snitching on me. you dont do that where i come from. you mind your business.
so now my kids are 30 female 29 male and 21 female. i am totally single and looking to love again.
i feel better i got all this out and i am looking forward to sharing more of my life here online.
mojo30337 mojo30337
46-50, F
Jan 13, 2013