Oh ****! A new one. One more sign on my face pointing to my coming into my 40s…I am going to be 40 in three years. And the end this year is looming, already, that much closer to my next birthday. That much farther down the slide to 40. And I’ll have the body of a 40 year old. Holy ****! I’m gonna be 40!! In two and a half years, Like a kid, the halfs matter again…and that'll put me into the "40-45" year category! AAAAAH!
And I won’t have aged gracefully. I would no longer still have taught skin everywhere. No longer be able to wear tank tops. No longer able to do – so many things…And not just aesthetically. Physically too. My back will be ****** up. My knees’ll be shot. I’ll probably develop the arthritis in my hands that my “sweet and loving mother” – as she calls herself – lovingly passed on to me…
…Sigh…
- That is, unless I start doing something about it now. RIGHT now.
I must change my perspective and start asking “how” CAN I, instead of always only thinking of how many ways that I can’t.
“How” can I work out my problem of what to eat before a workout, so that I don’t crash by the end of it.
“How” can I juggle my morning routine with my man before he goes off to work, with getting home late, having no energy, but still having to clean up the house or cook or shop or some other responsibility I must attend to.
“How” will can I – psychologically AND physically – exercise and make it through that period of fatigue that I will feel until my body adjusts to this sudden movement after such a long relatively sedentary period of time.
“HOW” do I push through that period of time – without giving up like I have countless times before, when I had SAID I was going to be committing to an exercise regimen – when I have no energy, and I feel like **** and don’t want to do it any more so “HOW” do I push through that?? “HOW” do I grab onto determination and resiliency and relentlessness and be a woman of my word?!
“HOW” do I keep my word to mySELF! to stick to it??
“How” can I learn to incorporate more vegetables in a TASTY way (so that I’ll actually EAT them) into my diet so that I can successfully drop off on the carbs and begin to healthily lose weight and hopefully in the doing give my body enough fuel and nutrition to pull my aging skin back in with my shrinking body. And on that note, “how” can I afford to maybe buy a juicer, super boost my nutrient intake level, AND fit those extra veggies into the grocery budget.
“How” do I teach myself to cook that way…
Yeah…these are a lot of “hows”…
But I also need to teach myself “how” to cope with all these “hows” without being overwhelmed and not taking one at a time. Without judging how much time it’s taking, or how interconnected they all are, and thus leading me down the path of thinking that if I can’t accomplish all at once, then I can’t accomplish any at all.
Prioritizing them, and tackling each one at a time, and GIVING myself the time to LEARN that mastery. And now, first, I need to teach myself “how” to do that one, so that I can actually start.
Amen (secularly, not religiously).
dragonflEYEfly dragonflEYEfly
36-40, F
Aug 18, 2014