Fat is the enemy of aging... But I can't stop eating long enough to lose any weight. It's my only coping mechanism to inure myself against the loneliness and isolation I feel younger and sugar and junk are the only things that sate the ravenous hunger I feel toward my man... The one I can't touch...I am simply VORACIOUS for his embrace. I want him so badly!
... but I can't have him, so I eat. And it makes me fatter and I get depressed over that - and I eat more...
I see how things are beginning to sag and if I don't lose the weight soon... It'll be too late. My body will be ruined...
Even if by some miracle I can stop eating long enough to lose weight and start exercising, there's no guarantee it's not too late already, or that the weight will come off in the same places I gained it in... I'm mortified at the changes I see daily. I'm terrified of aging. I always have been, but up until my 37th birthday, I hadn't started to actually SEE the changes so clearly... every time I look in the mirror now some new aspect of my decrepitude says hey! Look at this: HERE'S something new... something more...****
... there's simply no end to it. And there won't be. This is it. This is aging... I'm finally here... I've avoided the hangman's noose for so long, always looking 10 years younger my actual age... Well... It's time to pay the ferryman, I guess ... it's catching up to me...
And my sole friend is 10 my senior and my man is 6 so there's no sympathy from them. They scoff at my neurosis...
I try not to look in the mirror but it's become an obsession. A compulsion. Every morning I look and see what the old fogey fairy has brought me. What new wrinkle has the night's sleep imprinted on my face, which crevice has Time decided to nestle itself into...
dragonflEYEfly dragonflEYEfly
36-40, F
Aug 22, 2014