Torn In Two

If you were to look at my family, you'd see my picture perfect parents, my brother, and me. My family could be described as the go-getter type. Both my parents went to a presigious college and fell in love during their time there. Their lives together began smoothly, and finally, my brother and I were created. Now, my brother attends one of the best boarding schools in the country and because I am finally of age, I am off to a boarding school as well.


(This is where the conflict comes in...)


 My dad doesn't like the school I go to at all. He expects me to "keep the family legacy alive" and go to the same school my brother goes to. I did get accepted...I just decided it wasn't a good fit for me. Personally, I wanted to go to a theatrical school. And it wasn't only him who I had dissapointed..NO my grandpa was also dissapointed in my "lack of judgement"...


My brother makes fun of me for going to such a "low-end school"...he makes himself seem so smart. Like he's so much more superior than I am.


SO ANYWAYS, wow I got a bit off subject there.


The real me doesn't want to have to prove myself. I wish some people would just accept me for...a normal human being. I really want to be on broadway. Sometimes...I go back to the day when my father told me I


"You don't really think you're going to do it are you?"


"yeah..."


"I hate to break it to you but you have no chance in hell. You don't have what it takes." blah blah blah....


wow.. that scarred me..


I have to admit I am a good dancer singer and actor. I believe I have what it takes to become a broadway performer....


UGH GOT OFF TOPIC AGAIN..   Now that I'm off at school, I don't feel like myself. I am scared to go back because I don't feel like I really belong there. What at first seemed to be an arts school now seems like a sports school with good academics and an OK arts program. I've already settled in and made wonderful amazing friends so I feel like I could never leave. I just feel like if I don't, I could be preventing myself from fulfilling the one thing I've always wanted and dreamed of.


My brother and I used to be really close. He'd come and do fun things with me like tickle me and just play around. He used to be so laid back and nice. I don't know what happened to him but he's lost his faith in God(my family's roman catholic) and he always yells at me and dismisses me. I can't understand why he's acting so...distant. I really want to be close with him again.. BUT because we both go to boarding schools, every single time we leave home we come back feeling even more far apart. Same with my parents. I don't get them like I used to. Its like after a while, the connection between us is ruined; like some sort of stone wall is between us.


Boarding life isn't everything I thought it would be. It has distanced me from my family and made me feel more alone and unwanted. I have no choice, though. My family wouldn't allow me to come back home. I feel so alone. There are times where everything is fine.. but then I think of how everything used to be. and I feel like I don't belong.


 I'm kinda broken inside...

xo_blackbird_ox xo_blackbird_ox
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 1, 2007

hello there...I to am from the roman catholic background..and have also suffered from my familys " broaden your horizon " ...Why? I cant answer that but you have a dream & sometimes sharing your dream with your family can open a big can of woopass...yes? My father had our lives all figured out before we knew we had one...needless to say..none of us amounted to anything...ha ha Also you are a young women..think big..You Will Be Yourself..be happy please..you already know what you want..plenty of time to sort out the rest later...OK. Research places and try not to tell anyone your dreams...I call people who PPFTT peoples dreams C.O.D's (Crushers of dreams)<br />
as for your brother, ever thought that he dosnt like his direction ?? Take good care of yourself..good luck