I Am All Alone In the World

I am alone and have no friends. It has always been that way for as long as I can remember. I don't have anyone to talk to and anyone I talk to has to understand and know ASL and not many people do. I have to admit I don't open up to people because I've been burned too many times. I've had people use me, steal from me, set me up and I don't know what else. I would like to have someone to hang out with, someone who is sufficiently secure with who they are and won't feel threatened by anything I am or do. Like, I would like a male friend who isn't so obsessed with trying to sleep with me and a female friend who I can hang out with and talk to and she won't accuse me of trying to mess around with her bf or dh. I do attract a fair amount of attention because of my shape and this is why I am no longer invited to parties or group events. When I do go, everyone ignores me, even my family. No one takes me seriously and treat me as though I have no feelings or like nothing bothers me. I don't treat people like that and I don't know what I may have to deserve to be treated like that. I'm just invisible; no one notices me. There is apparently nothing special about me that would make someone want to be my friend. Sometimes I do come off as cold and unapproachable, but not to strangers, just people who have already burned a bridge or two with me in the past. You know, just desserts. The one friend I had moved on in life and is about to get married, so there goes that friendship. I do work and go to school and I go to the gym, but no one ever says anything to me; even my professors need someone to interpret what I'm saying to them in class. I write for those who don't know ASL and I use ASL where it is understood. I do well when I am in the company of the deaf, but I am not deaf myself; I just cannot talk at the present. Another problem that comes up is because I cannot talk, people think I am being rude when I don't respond to their questions and remarks. They think I am gesturing for them to go away or something rude. That's just the way I talk, the way I communicate. I spend most of my time at work and school and when I am off, I stay home. Home is the only place I feel welcome, so I stay there a lot. The loneliness is killing me now; I will be able to speak soon, but right now I don't belong anywhere. I had a stroke several years ago and I am a very young woman, in my twenties, when this happened. I can function normally, but I still have some problems. Not big problems, but a few. This doesn't mean I don't need friends or don't deserve to have them. Does it?

Sexyshannon Sexyshannon
9 Responses Feb 28, 2009

there are alot of people here who share the same life that u do ur n't alone on that and i guess that's the reasone we all here cause we need some kind of place where we can be ourselfs and take our makes off i am here if u wanted to talk anytime god bless

I am where you are and have been for years. I used to love people I used to love going out even if to a swap meet flea market grocery store as long as I had someone to talk to it was fun. Now its just the way it is. I can be around two hundred people and be the loneliest person alive. I feel trapped most of the time. When I do speak to people they guess I feel weird and ask me what is wrong and I say nothing. They say come on its something when I start to go into it. They find a reason to leave, have to do something, get a call, pull out their cell phone or it changes to a "me me me" story. I don't bother no more I have ended up disliking most all the way around and don't know how to get out of it no more. So your NOT alone.

I know what you mean, I'm a teenager and since I was 6 people just havn't liked me. I don't be nasty to them or do anything to upset them, I'm just always tired due to insomnia which has made me socially awkward. I'm considering just staying on my own so I don't bug people anymore than I already have (not on purpose I'm just a boring person) then I do everyone a favour. Sorry if this goes against the necroing rule on this forum if it exists I just want to be heard for once in my life.

i found this by mistake

I felt some of the things you wrote.... keller11@comcast.net

you can always talk to me... :)

You have friends here.

I am somewhat similar to you. So hi its nice to meet you!!!

There are no strangers just friends we haven't met...nice to meet you...I am Timothy....remember; always strange never a stranger. PaL