How Do I Handle My Life Without the Love of My Life

My husband of 40 yrs.went to the hospital in Dec 08. After getting  to the point     where he was not able to eat solid foods or hold liquids down . My  husband was a very private man that would not allow me to go with him to his doctor appointments . We were very much in love ,but not  joined at the hip .We each had different  clubs that gave us much joy . He was a Past Master Mason and I after getting MS 18 yrs. ago became involved in groups for the disabiled. We respected each others choices and were happy for this .Our 2 adult children were married and living elsewhere .So I didn't insist about his dr. visits ,as he didn't with mine . In my later years he was going with me  as I couldn't drive and he looked forward to taking me as we laughed ,joked etc.  . My husband was retired and didn't require his yearly checkup . He wasn't sick a t all during our years ,until  2yrs. into retirement ,he began to slow down . His smoking increased  and he was drinking more . I didn't nag him until he started to shuffle his feet when he walked and had boughts of heavy coughing to the point of losing his breath . NOW ! I started to panic !  He'd go for dr. visits ,But wouldn't ask me to go for the ride ,if I said can I go ,he'd get angry and say he was stopping off to visit his friends for a while .Hey ,that wasn't my idea of fun so I would just do work at home while he went . Back at home he said all was ok . . Good report ..  Visits became less  & less . The doctors office would call him and let him know he needed to be seen .  I wasn't happy about his health going down and he'd yell ,"I'm getting older " the doctor said its normal . His cough ,he said was seasonal ,he was 69 then . By the time he turned 70 he was not able to drive very well and would argue with me that he was just fine it was me ,I was acting strange . He reversed everything on me . I begged him to PLEASE SEE ANOTHER DOCTOR and he stormed out of the house .I called the doctors office and was told that they could not discuss any thing with me . He didn't want me to know any of his health history .The girls were so sorry and asked me to get him to change it for me to know his health history . HE SAID NO...NO...NO !!!! My hands were tied  ! Now he was 71 and not getting out of bed most of the day ,wouldn't eat ,talk to me .Just stayed alone all day . I got my son to drive him to the doc. and have him put me on the hip .paper . NOW I COULD DO SOMETHING !  I got him in the hospital ,BUT to late  Cancer  was there and  his chance  was slim to zero .  I got the doctors to let him be home for the end  of this life . We were all here with him family came here ,friends visited ,and he was happy to have this time with his sister and all their children his brother-in-law brought their other daughters over and we had at one time 25 members here . My husband was always a family person with kids ,pets all around his years ( I was the quiet one from a small family ) But this made me so happy for him .He watched them all around the room and his eyes were smiling .We had his bed in the living room with the table next to it and he loved this and was loved back .  I will say more tomorrow I am tired now . I must rest tonight Thanks

dovescoo dovescoo
Feb 8, 2009