Hardening On One Self

Yeah, sure I have friends to call my own. However, I become this person who chose to mask the sadness and confusions on her own because for me being a kidder is the easiest way to let go of all the things that have been poking my head with questions and regrets.


Though I'm just one of the million people out there who hide real emotions from inside, I knew when to splash out a heavy feeling and that is through writing. But then, it couldn't erase nor heal a broken past with a broken soul. I have yet to fight the disease of being alone when everyone else close to me are all sleeping or thinking anything and anyone else.


I may have some luxury at my hands but we know that material things cannot make someone happy eternally. Some things are taken for granted and put behind, and I dont know how to get them back and restore my old half-contented self.


At day time, I'd laughed my heart out on TV. Get bored and afterwhile, enlightened during my class. I'd goofy around with my friends at every other Friday nights. Sometimes I'm seeing myself partly as a happy-go-lucky person which I never thought I'd be. I lost the sense of directness and discipline I once had. Perhaps, I have some left but laziness bound to get over it.


Even though I keep myself busied with other things, no matter how important they are or not, just to make myself avoid being pre-occupied because whenever this happens, I felt I'm alone and lonely.


I have parents who are good in me but they dont know how unintendly they hurt me in some ways. Id chose not to tell them because it would make me uncomfortable afterwards and might affect my actions. Maybe it is not yet the right time. I've come to believe that there would be a so-called timing for that to happen someday.


I guess, I would stop here. My mind is juggling so much things.. they keep coming and coming...


Perhaps, my overflowing sadness wanted all to come out and unfortunately, they're making a huge traffic in my brain and I dont know which one's first.


Please write your own entry so that I would know what other people feel and think when they read the words, "I am alone and listless." You never know someone's relating to you and for that, they will feel elated that they're not alone.


Let's get some inspiration to and from each other 'cause I still believe that no matter how huge the comet-like problem that landed on your shoulder, there is still some positive in each and everyone of us to live the life God has given us. And this "phase" we're going through? It will be over someday. Dont just wait for it, but instead work for it.

soimconfused soimconfused
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 19, 2006

First, you have to dig into your heart and find out why you are feeling like you do. You can start by writing your parents a letter telling them about your heartaches and frustrations and what they do to you. Do not posit the letter or give it to them, just get rid of all the emotions. Accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour and give your life to Him and ask Him to heal you of all the hurt of the past. Ask Him to fill that void inside you. You will no more be alone, because He will always be there to talk to.