I Am Alone

My name is Jennifer 28 years old in ATL and My greatest fear in life is... "to be alone"

...and i am.

I was born in the Philippines I have 2 sisters and loving parents... all of them back home...

...life in the Philippines is TOUGH even if I have a degree (Bachelor of Scinece in Nursing) so I have to leave my family and work in a different country.
I came here in the US with just $1000 in my pocket. Now I have everything going for myself... but I am alone.

I have but one friend here she is also a filipino...
i am dating a guy right now but for the most part he is out with his friends.
I cry myself to sleep at times because of the loneliness,.

I am shy and timid... I dont go out with friends... becasue i have none but one, and she is a single mom and for the most part she is busy taking care of her son (10years old).

I have social phobia ever since I was a young girl. I hate being in the spot light cuase I always think I will do something to embarras myself. I dont go out and party because I dont drink and in the american culture socializing = drinking.
My boyfriend loves me but he cant bring me with him to hang out with his friends cause I dont drink, and I get timid most of the time in a group.I love him so much but  I feel like we are growing apart more and more.

I feel frustrated and trap...

lightyearsjenijen lightyearsjenijen
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 25, 2010

hi dsvthampi, you must be a very strong person. <br />
<br />
I am pretty introverted myself, I have to have a time for myself alone in order for me to energize myself and feel like i want to do something out of the house in certain days. <br />
<br />
I think I just have to live life as it comes, but finding lasting relationships may it be in once love life or friends is tough. In a society that has high standards of living, people gets too complicated and most of the time fake to achieve a sense of belongingness... and I dont think you will find happiness in it.<br />
<br />
I guess in a world that you can be anything... you just have to be simply you...

Being alone has two meanings dear friend, 1. Loneliness which is a weakness and you need the help of others and 2. Aloneness which is a strength and you can stand alone without others. I myself had this problem once, I have totally different attitudes and tastes from others. This made me odd in many situations. but later i realized that there do exist a pleasure in loneliness and i enjoy it now. You too can do it, I'm sure. I believe, a person who cannot find pleasure in loneliness can find pleasure in no togetherness. Best of luck