Not Sure How I'm Going To Make It Through Thanksgiving

As I browsed through this website I noticed that many of the stories where people are desperately alone and crying out for help have no comments despite 100's of views.  Seeing some of the stories made me extremely sad, but unfortunately I am new to the site and they were posted last year.  I posted my experience earlier today, and like many other stories on here there were no comments, just many people reading.  In short my birthday happens to fall on Thanksgiving this year, and to make matters worse my fiance of many years decided to break up via e-mail.  My family is very dysfunctional and far away, and I have few real friends.  Although he apologized for his actions, this is the 3rd year in a row he has decided to do this knowing that I'd be alone for Thanksgiving, my birthday , Christmas & New Years.  I have my faults, but I know I'd never purposely make someone be alone on the holidays.  Although I put on a brave face so as to not let him know how devastated I am, I feel myself falling apart daily with nowhere to turn.  Just like I have no one or nowhere to go to for Thanksgiving, coming on here is/was a last cry for help.  I guess I've learned that no matter where it is, I don't matter.  I have to come to terms with that.  Since I have no reason to celebrate or really much to be thankful for right now. it is fitting that my birthday falls on Thanksgiving this year.  It will be a good day to finally be rid of all this pain once & for all. 

toomuchalready toomuchalready
36-40, F
20 Responses Nov 14, 2010

I feel your pain. A little over a year ago my wife demanded that I get help for my depression. I did, and I stopped being so emotional every time she threatened to end our marriage. Turns out that once I was strong enough not to fall apart emotionally when she threatened divorce, she got even more mad that I wasn't falling apart under her threats. I explained that if she wanted me to leave, I would leave. She kicked me out, then got mad that I left without getting angry, then accused me of "abandoning her." For months she assured me I would be able to spend this week with her and the kids, and a few days ago she goes back on her word, so now I'm in a cold apartment with nobody. I'm not giving up on life, though. There's got to be more positive people out there who want to have healthy relationships. Hang in there, ok? I don't know you, and I'm not anybody special, but I'm where you are emotionally. We can make it through this tough time and on to better times.

Wow! And I thought I had it bad. First time spending Thanksgiving alone. An only child, both parents gone, no living relatives, encouraged my two children to start their own traditions without me, husband spending Thanksgiving with his family....and I am "home alone"! These stories are much more heartfelt than mine. Thanks for sharing.

Tao- you have a very kind soul. I appreciate all of your comments :)

Pippaxox-<br />
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Your strength is beyond words. I hope somehow we all made it through the lonliness of this Thanksgiving& hope that the upcoming holidays bring happiness & comfort of others.

I'm 29, an only child too, my mom just died. She was an only child also, so there is no other family. To top it off I just had breast surgery for breast cancer (hopefully benign) and then a week later broke my leg. So I am wheelchair bound/hopping/crawling around, and trying to manage sitting/standing on my left leg. It finally hit me today how alone I am, while on my knees I scrounged my cupboards and made a 1999 package of JellO for Thanksgiving dinner. Every year I normally volunteer on Thanksgiving, and invite friends over or if they are unwell or recovering from giving birth I bring them home cooked food, magazines etc. This year, I feel completely forgotten and worthless. <><br />
This is just one moment in time. Next year I am sure I will walk again, volunteer and invite everyone over for Thanksgiving, and raise a glass in memory of my mom.<br />
But for now, just today, it all hit me and I just feel sad.<br />
I'm sorry that I couldn't have invited all of you over for a warm Thanksgiving but I hope everyone finds some comfort to get through today. I know we are all thankful for the things we have or grateful that it is not worse. But today, just know that it is ok to feel bad. You have 364 other days to keep your chin up and feel unconditional idealism. Next year is a new possibility.<br />

I am feeling for you all. A collective lonely heart on Thanksgiving, even though our stories are different, we all ache for that thing that was put into us to want, close relationship. That person who is with us through it all, good and bad, and who we want and ache for especially through the holidays. Being an only child of 47 whose parents died a couple years back, and that my kids are grown and on their own and off doing their own thing, I'd hoped my husband and I could spend these days together happily. After ten years of marriage though and his progressing alcoholism, I'm just so weary in my soul of spending these days alone while he is passed out. I'm looking around at a kitchen of thanksgiving dinner on the go, and he is passed out in the bed. So it looks like it's just me and the dogs for dinner this year. I'm not going to allow his illness to steal so many important days from me any longer. I've counted every holiday, birthday, anniversary and valentines day since 2008 and he was "checked out" on the vast majority of them. I think I'd prefer to be alone than living with him who is so close by but just not there. It seems lonelier to me than if he was just away to begin with. I'd at least try to make plans with others so that these special days were not obliterated by his disease. He is Canadian so spent his thanksgiving back in canada last month. So he "got his" so to speak. I sound like a sad sap and it makes me mad at myself because I really am an optimist. I keep thinking he is going to kick this thing and engage in life again with me. Maybe I'm more fool that optimist though. <br />
But I am going to make myself a plate when it's all done, and I'm going to sit down at the table and I'm going to count all of my many other blessings and try to concentrate on that. This is what today is about. Counting my blessings not counting my miseries. :) Right? <br />
I wish we could all sit down at the table together; this entire group, and we could give and receive from each other that thing we are created to need in our lives.... connection.

I know how you feel- if you heard all of my story you'd think you were on a holiday of some sort. If you ever want to talk, just look me up. This is just one day... look for tomorrow- that's where I'll be.

We are alone today physically, but you know what, its ok. Sure things could better, but on the other hand they certainly could be worse to. We owe to ourselves to stand up and say, Im alone and its ok. If it hurts, thats ok to for you would not be feeling that if you were not alive. Even if its only for a few seconds just know, its ok, it really is.

Thank you Joey2times & Onlychild1964. <br />
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I wish life didn't have to be so painful & the hoildays so difficult. I hope we all find some happiness & solice in the upcoming year

Hang in there everyone. I lost my dad a few years back and I'm estranged from the rest of my family. I'm all alone, in a hotel room on Thanksgiving. I feel horrible, but I'll make it thorugh this and so will you. I wish we could all get together for the holiday.

During the holidays I always wonder what I did wrong to end up here. It is always a more bitter than sweet time for me. Why is it that others have families, have children, have places to go and people to be with - and I don't? What twist in my life made it that I should never be married at 46, never have kids, be an only child, both my parents have passed on, and somehow never have anyone think "hey it might be nice to invite her to our family gathering." I'm making a turkey and some sides, I'm sharing it with my dog, but I sure wish I had a family to share it with. <br />
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I always see that suggestion about volunteering at a homeless shelter...but never think about it until it's too late.

I'm sitting at work and couldn't believe when I goggled "alone on thanksgiving" that there would be sites that addressed this. I am 59 and alone for the first time. Lots of trauma the last three years of my life. My parents are dead, I have no siblings, my marriage is over and my only daughter does not want anything to do with me. My heart is completely broken.<br />
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You are not alone in your lonliness. There are millions of us out here. It doesn't take the pain away one single bit, but maybe it helps just a little to know that others are feeling your pain.<br />
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Ultimately I have had to face that I am responsible for my own happiness--no matter what brought me to this place. I hate that, but it's true. I haven'te found any answers yet. I'd rather sit and cry my heart out but that isn't helping me one bit. Oh, I will cry plenty, but then I"ll pick myself up and try to move forward, even if only half a step.<br />
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I wish you the very best. I don't have anything at all to say that will help other than you really are NOT alone. Bless you and try very, very hard to feel your own worthiness. Remember, if you can wait it out all things change. ALWAYS!!!

Dear Pappatish-<br />
Your words & story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Having people on here who don't know me at all be so supportive has helped me make it through a very dark time. Though I haven't made it all the way through yet, I am grateful to you and everyone else who has reached out to me over the past few weeks. Congratulations on the happiness that is now in your life, and I wish you a happy holiday as well.

There were so many years I spent days, weeks, any and every holiday alone. I was married young and divorced young too. At the same time of my divorce, I became paralyzed in my left side and then after having the lower portion of my spine replaced with rods and screws and having to struggle to learn how to walk again, my father whom I had just started a relationship with months before, passed away.<br />
I then began spiraling downward with drugs. I was homeless for a while too. There wasn't much keeping me around and no one to reach out to. <br />
<br />
That was eight years ago this year. <br />
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While I was struggling, I had people I didn't even know, praying for me. It was a night I will not forget when a co-worker figured out that I would go back into the office once everyone left just so I wouldn't freeze at night. She stayed behind to find me crying in a corner. I didn't really know her, but she had people praying for me. <br />
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That night, I realized I was never really alone. <br />
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I know it hurts and I know what it's like to trust someone as well as being afraid to go on. <br />
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I encourage you to volunteer at a soup kitchen this Thanksgiving. I did that for a while after my bouts with being lonely. <br />
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You have something others need. If you think you don't, you are wrong. While I do not know you, I do know that a warm smile to look at after being through so much is such a comfort. A kind word or gesture means more than you think.<br />
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After years of struggling, I met the love of my life and was just married this past May. I am not writing this comment to boast of myself. However, I am writing this comment to share with you, the hope I was given eight years ago.<br />
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You are in my prayers and my thoughts TMA.

Hi LadyBronte-<br />
It's been a hard month...getting harder as Thnksgvng gets closer. I'm older than him & more settled so his only measure of control is family/friends. He knows that without him during the holidays I'm alone so he uses that to his advantage. He says he doesn't do it on purpose- that's it's just by coincidentce. But nobody naive enough to believe it is coincidental 3 years in a row. Every year was hard- but this one is the hardest with having to be alone on Thanksgiving & my birthday at the same time. The effort it takes to continue to care seems pointless. I thank you for taking time out of you day to listen to my woes. I wish you a happy holiday.

Your story breaks my heart, TMA. I understand what loneliness is and how it can affect all aspects of your life. I don't understand why your fiance would break up with you three different times at this time of the year and why via e-mail. I know it must be devestating for you. I would be crushed. I wish there was a way that I could ease your pain. Just know that there are many here on EP, including me, who understand what you are going through and sympathize with you.

Hi Catswat- (love that name btw)-<br />
It's nice to see that there really are nice, empathetic people out there. People don't realize how much kind words can do for someone's spirits. The holidays will be difficult, but somehow I hope that I will survive them. People like you help to put some light back into my life. Like you i'm going to try to keep busy & hopefully that will help. I thank you again for your kind words, and hope you have a happy holiday.

I also understand how lonely it can feel over the holidays. Families are non-existent or dysfunctional, Significant Other...maybe, maybe not, friends usually have their own families and things to do. So I always feel left out and lonely...which is different than just being alone. But to toomuchalready, don't give up hope because I do believe there is a reason we are on earth and that some people's struggles are harder for a reason we can't yet understand. I can only offer that no matter how bleak a day looks, in a week or month things can look better. This year I am volunteering, I am taking some on line college courses and I am offering to work as much as possible to keep busy. that is what works for me...staying as busy as possible. Know that I am sending happy and better thoughts your way.

Dear phoenix47-<br />
<br />
Thank you for the sweet gesture. I do wish I was your neighbor, you sound like a thoughful person. Sorry that you will spending the holiday alone as well. Your situation sounds very similar to mine, and I know that's painful. I do hope that somehow you find a way to enjoy the holidays,<br />
Thank you again for your kindness

Thank you justdeb- it means a lot to mean that you took the time out of your life to say those kind words. It is greatly appreciated.