It's Not Just Valentine's Day...

It is every birthday and holiday since 1990. I was raised by my mother's parents only because of their pride. Nobody wanted the pregnancy, nobody wanted the child. even 45 years later, nobody wants the man. I have been invited (for pities sake) to the occasional Christmas dinner with strangers, all of them being strangers I mean, and I felt like they were forcing themselves to tolerate me because they really wanted to show everyone else how charitable they were. I felt like a commodity not a person. It's been the same with every church and charity group at holiday time. How little these people must value their own friends and families, if they don't realize how much more the homeless, the poor or the shut-ins who have nobody, need to feel welcome and wanted AS PEOPLE not as a symbol. I'm beyond the ability to enjoy anymore. I couldn't care about food, at all, I can take or leave having shelter of my own or owning possessions. These things are meaningless and valueless to those who are truly  alone.
Just think about it. If a pet is suffering and beyond help we murder it and call it a mercy killing. But when someone's life is a monotony of despair, rather than help  these people by accepting them into your group as an equal, they prolong the suffering by cramming them into dirty, bug infested shelters and old-folks homes and feed them until their will to live finally goes altogether.  I've been lonely so long that I can't hold down a job.
evergreen43 evergreen43
46-50, M
2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

God loves you and always wanted you. So love yourself and do good for others and experience the joy of turning your life into one with purpose and meaning. God bless

There is a book that my therapist told me to read. Its called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. It helped me to understand that no matter what anybody does or says to me, it has nothing to do with me. They do it for their own reasons. You cant make assumptions as to why they did it. If you do, you will probably take it personally. Its hard to explain, but the book makes it easy to understand. That book changed my life. Every person that I have given it too loved it and said it was very enlightening. Please try to give it a read. Its cheap and not too long. :)<br />
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Good luck buddy