I Just Want To Be Happy

I fake a smile every day of my life, right up until i go to bed, then all the tears just poor out. I wont try in front of anyone, i cant. I feel weak when i do. I hate my life. I self harm and i always feel alone. I use art and music to get my feels out, i have no one to talk to. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hate my appearance, and i hate what i look like. im insecure and self conscious. i have no confidence at all and i dont trust anybody. i feel so lonely, why cant i just be happy? I try so hard everyday to look on the positive side of things, but i feels like there isnt a positive side. i cant talk to my bestfriends about it because they wouldnt understand. i've been taken advantaged of and abused most of my life i feel so weak and useless. no one really cares about me, if i were to die, no one would notice. I'm quite shy and no one notices me at school, im sick of people acting like i dont exist. im crying out for help but its like no one can here me. i just want to be happy.  
ChloeHannah ChloeHannah
13-15, F
3 Responses Nov 23, 2011

Every single thing you said except the self harm part is me. Difference is, I'm almost 60. You recognize the problem and you have plenty of time to fix it. Please take steps to get counseling or help of some sort now while you're young.

hello chloe<br />
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I was really touched reading your story I am 23yold female and all my problems began at 12/13 if I seen my future self when I was 13 and she told me to wake up and showed me what became of me after rejecting myself I would have SLAPPED MYSELF <br />
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my advice I am going to give to you is this; leanr to love yourself and completely accept yourself OTHERWISE it will affect every aspect of your life, friends, lovers, work, living situations and I mean everything the way you feel about yourself reflects to the outside if you believe you are worthless then other ppl will too if you accept yourself then others will too <br />
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I bet you are a very pretty girl with lots of potential what are you good at and what do you excel in, what are your dreams and goals write them all down and go for it do not let other peoples opinions of you affect you personally because if you do you will fail in all areas of your life you will become avoidant, you will have intimacy problems, you could very much become afraid of leaving the house... all these problems because you truley care and listen to other peoples opinions!?? believe me it's not worth it!! <br />
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I hope this helps, feel free to add me for a chat ;)<br />
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I know how you feel - I do that too. <br />
I'm shy at school as well. I hate it when people forget about me like I'm not there. <br />
My best friend will never understand - nor will my family. <br />
Your story is really sad because I thought I was the only one but now I know at least somebody who understands me too. Thank you for sharing this. x