That Is What This Feeling Is.

I am alone. I still live with my family. I have a boyfriend, I have a few close friends. I am even in a sorority. But even with all of those people behind me, there's only 1 person who truly goes out of their way to listen to me and spend cherished time with me. That's my boyfriend. We have a lot of the same views on life and knowing that there's 1 person out there who truly understands has helped. But is it selfish of me to think that 1 person ...isn't enough?

I feel like I am always on the outside looking in with my friends and "sisters". It's a lonely feeling. And my parents don't care what I do with my life as long as I follow their well thought out life plan. I am stuck at a school I hate, with people I can't really relate to ... all to make my parents happy.
I used to think that being adopted was a blessing. But lately I have come to this realization that I am of a different kind, compared to them. And their rigid traditional views. They are very single minded, diligent and hardworking people. Their lifestyle, what they live and breathe now. Is completely different from where I see myself in 10 years. I could never treat my children the way they do. Not that they don't love me. Because I know they do. They just don't understand me & I guess that makes me feel estranged. I don't even feel comfortable expressing myself to them. If I am fed up or sad I feel more comfortable sending them an email about it. Not talking face to face.

And my friends ... can't hold a serious conversation to save their lives. I've been through some traumatizing things this past year and it's easier for them to turn it into a joke and brush it aside to talk about what dress they are wearing to the bar than actually try to help me. Then they wonder why I don't want to go out with them. I just don't know how to relate! and I don't want to spend my night dancing slutty at a bar and puking my guts out when I get home.
So I tend to keep to myself.
livenrye livenrye
22-25, F
May 24, 2012