My Improvement Came From Being Softer

 When people think of improving themselves the first thing that comes to my mind is becoming a stronger person. However, I believe one of the greatest improvements I made on myself over the last 4 years (with the help of God and amazing influences in my Life) was becoming a softer person, that can admit when I'm Hurting, when something bothers me, and that I can't stand alone.

When I was younger (and still today) I was always there for people to offer a shoulder to cry on, words of advice, and just a hug when it was needed. However when it came to me, no one could see me cry, no one could know that what someone did to me actually Hurt me, and I "didn't need anyone". Don't get me wrong, independence is good, but when it's taken to those kind of extremes it can be very harmful. 

My greatest improvement on myself was being able to let myself cry on my best friend of 8 years shoulder, to let myself admit that I was Hurt by the betrayal of others, and that I do need the Love of others to survive. We are not alone in the world, however we tend to make ourselves feel like we are. Being able to be softer, was more of a challenge than hiding it all underneath a smile or a joke. I'm not always good at it, sometimes I still retreat back to my old ways and mind set, but it's a work progress. 

It hit me once when a boy I had met and I were talking one night during a camping trip, as we laid there talking he said "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" I replied

"Earlier when you said how your dad Hated you because you were a Christian and he was an Atheist, you laughed." He said

"And?" I said with a giggle (of course, a giggle)

"Well, even though you laughed, that must have been really painful growing up but you said it like it was no big deal and made it seem like it was funny, but growing up I don't think it was for you"

He stopped me dead in my tracks. Someone saw through me. It scared me, but I knew he was right.

I went on to tell him how yes, it did Hurt, very much, and is a constant struggle in my Life. I ended it with "It's pretty funny, haha"

He said, "No Libby, it's not funny, and you don't have to pretend it is"

So I am in a working progress of letting myself except my Hurts for what they are, and that way being able to deal with them instead of putting them on a shelf. 

InsanelyMe08 InsanelyMe08
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 16, 2008

once again you have awed me. Thank you for posting this. I am really a lot like u in so many ways....i hope that the writing for school goes well, you're a natural! But seriously this has really helped me to open up a bit. Thanks =D You see I'm trying to do what i can to help the world but don't know how exactly...anyone have any ideas?

I enjoyed your story and the insight you have of your , and I can see the same attributes in my own personal life. I deal with the same struggle of having a father who is an atheist. It's hard when you don't have someones shoulder to lean on in spiritual times of need and you need to be constantly strong on the inside to make it through. But sometimes keeping those feelings to yourself or never showing anyone that you are struggling isn't going to make them go away. <br />
When you admit you are human and also slip up and feel hurt, people can become more conscious of how their words and actions affect you, and you may also even find commonality in feelings with other close people, that may turn a personal challenge into a wonderful bond and friendship. God can always help us heal, because He is as close as the beat in our heart. He knows what we are, and what we face. Have faith that in time all will pass as it should, every moment is the ex<x>pression and purpose of God, and nothing can separate you from God because He is in you and He is your true nature.

It's a long road. I am still trying to let myself be soft... I definitely put up the front that I'm some indestructible dragon type figure. A lot of strength lies in gentleness though.

Thank you dear! =) I plan on minoring in journalism because I want to write a book(s) someday but I wasn't sure what area to go into, I think you hit it right on the head!

This is a good story.<br />
<br />
I predict that you would be a really good short-story writer... in the genre of fact-based fiction.<br />
<br />
(that is what I'm good at, anyway, and this story seems to exemplify the kinds of writing ability you would need.)