I Made A Mistake

when in the dating game instead of trying to get to know this guy better to see if he was my type or not , i found out that i was pregnent early on in the relationship so i lo wered all my standards ,i didnt care how he treated me , i never cared that he was such a downer i didnt care if he did drugs or drank i didnt care that he didnt respect me enough not to look at other women and give details on how he lust for her and strippers , i didnt care that he never hugged me or kissed me although i have begged, i never stood up for my self or put into action that i wanted way more than he was giving me , he never asks us to stay the night , its been the worst relationship in all my life, doing anything he asked , i gave him everythink and he gave very little, if anything at all. i am moving on , its such a big change though i find myself bing bored alot of the time because its not him im thinking about on how i can improve his life , thats all i thought of was trying to get him to want me and our son , now im working on new goals its just sometimes hard to change my line of thoughts, because i was on a one track mind for years , how to win him? well now i push thoses thoughts away and just think to myself that my son deserves a good man in his life ,one that shows love to his mother besides i am his best friend right now hes only three.but i want him to know how a real man treats a woman , like a friend, a partner, you dont hide things from i mean ive always been open why cant he, i want him to see a man who respects me and treats me like a friend and care for me . i have seen men like this all my life and they seem happy , where are these men now? oh well god will send me some one that i will love and they will love me back, im not too picky anymore something is better than nothing and nothing is all ive ever gotten from my sons father, what a shame right? ya i know i have never met any one like him although i wont ever tell him how he really is theres no reason i just want to be some what of a friend for our son and he's kinda ok for a friend i just cant handle him all the time he's a downer all the time and who wants to be around a downer all the time , lifes too short. i just try to encourage him all the time and let him know that i think hes a good person, ya da ya da.... besides who can trust a man like that any ways, he's always poping in and out you just cant trust a word he says. he tries to find reasons to fight just so ill walk out why? well i can think of a few reasons but that doesnt matter any more i just dont care..... being with him notthing lost nothing gained it just is....
cutie2christy cutie2christy
36-40, F
Dec 11, 2012