Want My Fairy Tale Life

I'm really struggling to be positive, and lately I'm really losing faith in my values and ideals.... And I guess its sorta therapeutic to talk about something like this on an anonymous forum.....

In short, i come from a long history of pretty sadistic sexual abuse as a kid.............

And in short, I guess for so long my way of dealing w/ everything has been to build myself up and work towards my devout goal of making the world a better place... with the idea that while the world is scummy and free of justice or dike', if we fight hard enough, we can bring some of that stuff to the forefront

Physically and career wise, I'm golden. Got a full ride to college, at Penn State University, (well, except for housing), going for Criminal Law and Justice major, working 10-13 hours of excercise to make myself physically at a peak... exc

But on a personal level, I'm so lonely and feel so robbed. All I want is to reclaim a sense of trust and intimacy with another person... to be able to look into my princess's eyes and see a sense of depth-filled compassion and attachment there.... to be able to curl up w/ her and see her face light up as she looks into my eyes... but instead I'm alone and just feel really inadequate by now......

 

Ya I'm going to succeed career wise, I KNOW THAT, but **** I don't want to be that loser who is #21 on the roster for a girl who's going to be a special first for me, years from now, after enduring so much more of this loneliness..... I want to believe so much that there is a princess out there for me to find, and that I'm not just going to be the loser at the end of the long line of other guys............................

 

lawful lawful
18-21
1 Response Feb 15, 2009

hey im a good listener if ya ever need one!