For Better Days

I can't stay in one place to long. A year is far too much, and childhood has been torture. A place, a person, a phase in life will teach me all it has to offer-and then I feel inclined to move on. This is my existence. I have no negative thoughts by it and can't pretend I'm void of that feeling we have when we miss something...but moving on is all that I live for.

My drive? Understanding human nature, life, and knowing who I am. Some people live to help others, to help themselves, to fall in love,  to make it rich, be a leader or be the best. Mine simply is to know.

When It comes down to it I have little to complain about-so I don't anymore. I grew up with an abusive father, a helpless mother and some things I just can't express in words nor care to. Growing up in all that anger was as intimate as you could be in understanding the effects of one hatred transferring itself into another. My father had been abused as my mother had been abused, leading to a marriage that began the cycle again.

It began with a promise: i'd wouldn't let that cycle, stretching back for generations, continue with me. What it became was a life of understanding...holding my tongue, letting go of pride and envy. Once I realized how little I really knew, even after I could control myself, made me realize what I was searching and will inevitably search for my entire life.

I know i'm far from perfect or wise, and honestly, knowing that is a comfort I wouldn't give up.

Ayleena Ayleena
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 8, 2010

o God.,, after sooo long i found that there are people who are exactly saying what i used to think and say and believe in ... i feeeel every human if they leave their ego that they are perfect.. they can improve .. and this is something we all should do becasue we should ever try to rectify our wrongs by identifying them and changing ourself.. and i believe there is nothing wrong if we change for something better..... as i did change myself and i was really superb experience because this way i can understand humans more better...

i want to add some point: to know is to understand the concept of life. to know about our existence as a human in this world is the highest realization one can achieve..if he/she knows what the purpose and able to seeing how its very much related with one faith and mundane life, i think everyone will be kind to each other and serve humanity well

Thats what i was wondering ayleena what made u think so deeply so early in ur life...i have got the answer my friend..u know what, u r really very fortunate to go thru this and come out of it with a philosophy which is just perfect...u r really is in a neutral condition and i can feel that when i read ur article...please forgive me for this but it seems that it will be really difficult for u to get the right person in ur life..i m no one to say this but this what i felt from the very beginning..please dont take it otherwise..i could not stop myself writing this...u r so mature and perfect that it is really very difficult to get the person who really understands u...anyways i dont wnat to discuss much on this..if u want u can mail me..i have complaint ..u really do not bother to reply...either u r ignorant or loaded with work...

too* :( typos bug me...what a shame I can't locate the edit option...