Nobody Gets Me, So I'm Alone In The Night Where There's Nobody But Me Myself & I

hello all, another "creepy" guy here [what many women really mean when they say "nice"], submitted for your approval.  i am harmless but this world sorely tests my patience.  i would live anywhere else in the western world but for lack of fundage, i have long thought i am just not american in thought nor deed.  just an accident of birth did i end up here.  i totally lack the entreprenurial gene, capitalism escapes me.  because the almighty dollar rules here [$$$=power and influence and popularity], i have no social currency to speak-of.  "wrong planet syndrome" is another way of saying these things.  youngest child, autism [they didn't call it that back then, schizotypal personality disorder was what mr. shrink said back when] discovered as a toddler when i would not speak until age 4.  always a misfit everywhere i go.  i  keep trying [to fit-in] but the world ain't havin' none of it.  or me.  it's just as well, i suppose.  i learned to embrace my theta maleness.  dinner for one is cheaper, and takes less time to read the menu. but eating out of cans is simpler.

in other forums readers bitterly complain about how inpenetrable my writing is, they tell me PLEASE use proper grammar!  I DO! as best i can, anyways.  maybe it is the density of my thoughts in print that is off-putting to some.  maybe my thought patterns look chaotic writ on the web.  it is stream-of-consciousness in a grammatical straight-jacket, with the buttons in all the wrong holes.  so please try to read me anyway:+)

i pass my days as an unemployed but slightly genteel bum, with no hope of gainful employ. some folk would say i'm retired but modest inheritance and savings don't equal retirement.  $mugne$$ does - a real retirement with pension and medical bennies, and i am not blessed with this.  but am thankful i can get away with being a hermit albeit at the cost of voluntary poverty.  i spend lots of time with my 'puter which is as close to a mate as i will get.  mr. 'puter talks to me and i talk to it, as my fingers do the walking.  i restore old audio [phonographic discs, old tapes] using modern digital tools, that seems to be the only thing in life i'm any good at.  music is the love i experience on earth.  when i try to return that love to the world, there is a translation error somewhere.  this hurts!,,,+(   [emoticon]  i am an aspie with emotions -  they do exist, ya know.  doesn't take much to make me blubber.  school kids can be so primitive, so diabolically astute at spotting the weaklings and preying upon them.  i wonder if they grew up to become red-staters. 

i look forwards to the elysian fields, the bright regions where i can run and play without care.  am most of the way there.  when i go to sleep, i beg the lords of the night to please give me a heavenly journey, just a taste of entry-level bliss- but most of the time it is nightmares or nothing - i'll settle for the latter.  nothing sometimes can be better than something.

not much more about me, i shant bore you anymore.

auntblabby auntblabby
46-50
3 Responses Feb 11, 2010

thank you ajudente and expresslife :)

Your writing is beautiful and you have such a deep understanding of human nature and life. You see things differently, and its okay- makes our lives more interesting. I am totally with you regarding capiltalism and entrepreneurship:) Been thinking too that this continent may not be the place for me after all. strange ways.... So you are in good company. Hold fast to the friends you do have, they are authentic and won't judge you.

There are no words to describe how beautiful of a human being you are don’t change for anybody stay the way you are, you are perfect that way. <br />
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The western world is filled with heartless beings, it’s not their fault deep inside they too have that spark of compassion and love and devotion towards other creatures, it’s just locked away in a deep dark place waiting to flourish when the right person ignites their hearts. We are blinded and consumed by the capitalistic ways that teach us to be competitive and only solve our own problems. <br />
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There is no room for others only you, sadly that’s how it works and yes money is the ruler of all things it binds us in a web of greed and blinds us of what truly is important, but be strong my friend in the end after all the nightmares and endless suffering, you shall be rewarded and when that day comes your soul shall rejoice and you shall forever live a life of harmony. <br />
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Misunderstood like you I have also lived my life and still do. I only have a handful of friends handpicked by me a rarity among the world they are.<br />
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You see humans don’t express their true self very well, so it takes extra patience and drive and that special spark of ingenuity and passion to bring about them, their true side. They like to hide behind fake images of themselves to protect them from a world that does not understand them. This people are usually writers, poets, singers, and bloggers anonymously inputting pieces of their emotions into the world one step at a time.