No More Than A Supporting Characater In Other People's Lives.

Whenever friends have problems, whether it is in life or in their relationships, they tend to come to me. They ask me for advice, and I give it to them. I'm a thinker, and I tend to search out people with problems so I can learn more about life. This gives me the ability to look at other people's problems in a way they themselves cannot and help them find what's behind it so they can solve it.

I like helping others, but what makes it hard for me is the moment they don't need me anymore - when they've found their solution and turn around to their boy/girlfriend to fix the problem - it may not be perfect, but at least they have someone. In those cases, the most important people in their story are they, and I play nothing but a supporting role, and am forced to leave the stage after I've played it.

I've never had a boyfriend, and never a 'best friend' - I've never been the most important person in somebody else's life. And it makes me lonely when I consider this might not even happen. Yes, I've had friends who told me they felt more than friendship, but I always thought they were just grateful of having me as a friend and since they think I look good as well, I might be more. I never believed they wanted me for me. And after a while, they always give up. Which means to me they never really wanted it, because don't people fight for the things they really want? And the few times I've let myself fall for someone, it doesn't take long before they back away, and after a while I become the person who helps them with the girl they're in love with, giving them advice on how to handle things.

Because of this, I put up a wall around myself. I never tell people when I feel bad, because that's not my role - I'm supposed to be there for them, not the other way around. I'm the strong girl. And all the while, I look at all my friend being happy with their partners, moving in together, and planning their lives together. And I'm standing in the background, ready to catch them should they ever fall.

Maybe it's my own fault, maybe I've been too afraid to step out of that role, afraid that if I do, I might have nothing left. That if I do, there still isn't anyone who wants me.

I wonder if anyone will ever tell me there's nothing else they want more than to be with me. I wish someone would feel the need to fight for me.

And I wonder if I'd be missed if I wasn't around anymore. Not missed for lack of someone to talk to, but for me.

Echo1989 Echo1989
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

I know exactly how you feel as I play the same role as you do. I am now surrounded by all my friends who are either married or married with children. So not only do get I get to hear how annoying their spouses are then when they ask how are you? whats going on in your life? the kids come rushing in do kid things and I get to exit stage right.Or I am invited to over to play with their kids so they can get things done. I dont remember the last time I was asked seriously HOW ARE YOU? <br />
I wish I could give you this profound advice like it will get better you have to opportunity to change the pattern now do not wait! I am a 35 year old woman who was a fairly attractive woman who ate herself into weighing over 200 pounds because eating gave me insgtant gratification. Its hard to meet people at my age and over weight its easier to say who wants a fat girl thats why I am single. Go find new friends who do like you for you before you end up like me. I am doing everything I can to change the pattern. Find you and let them see it before its too late or demand they listen to you. YOu have a right to be heard.