Alone And Sad

I'm a 21-years-old mathematics student.
I've always been brilliant at school, always reached my cultural goals. I am also very happy of my studies. Many people admire me for my capabity in science, for my mental agility.

But I feel mortally alone.

I never experienced love; no woman ever loved me, nor pretended to love me. I have no friends; my old school friends hate me, because of my alleged intelligence and my charisma (?). My university friends live too far from me. I have no human relationships,

I always had a sight deficit. In June I discovered I had retinitis pigmentosa, a rare genetic disease that slowly kills the cells in retina. My visual field is very central-located. I cannot see anything when the sun goes down. I began keeping from driving, estranging myself from other people even more.

Retinitis pigmentosa has not treatment. Within an unknown time - few years or an entire life - I'll rest completely blind.

When I think about my future life, I felt that everything is gone. My youth burnt in loneliness, my dreams disrupted because my fears.

I'll probably never have a life, a work, the common every-day joys. I will never see stars anymore. And, finally, I will never be really loved.
Viserys91 Viserys91
26-30, M
3 Responses Sep 10, 2012

I have question that might help you determine if your alone because you intimidate others w/your intelligence. The question: Is your tone sarcastic or arrogant in anyway when you converse w/others. Not everybody is as smart as you, people look for mentors all the time, you are a gift to them ... if you come across as you are smarter they may not feel comfortable around you. My experience is this ... I was 22 years old and met a guy who was so brilliant, he wasn't good looking at all but I really enjoyed being around him, the conversations were never boring. One day he said something to me that made me feel stupid and I never gave him another chance. I'm not saying I'm the best looking, but the point I'm making is that looks aren't everything but brains aren't either. You need a nice, humble spirit that people gravitate towards w/out feeling judged or shame. Hopefully this helps you and best of luck. You are very young and have time, just wanted to share my experience with you from long ago.

i really relate to your story,, i have a friends but i feel still alone and out of place.. I don't know if they notice my loneliness, that's why most of the time i'm absent in the class because i can't feel of joy and presence of lively happiness.

U should find the power to enjoy every day as your last. Maybe your parents can help u.