The Story Of My Overly Dramatic, Overly Complicated, And Overly Depressing Life

Depression. Anger. That's all I really feel these days. Because of my age, everyone passes this off as "teenage angst" That's not it, I know it's not. From around the time I was 7, seeing as I used to be a social butterfly and all around happy child before that, I started to become a very quiet and disturbed child. I lost all my friends and the ones that hadn't already left me slowly disappeared as I unknowingly pushed them away. Sure, I made new friends, but they all abandoned me when I needed them the most. You're probably wondering what happened when I was 7, aren't't you.? Well, I found out I was adopted. Simple, right.? Wrong. At first I was absolutely fine with this, until the real kick in the gut came. I was adopted by my Grandmother. My older sister, who I lovingly referred to as "Sissy" , the girl to which I'd looked up to my entire life, was my mother. As before, for a while I was fine with this, until I started thinking. My sister had two children , a 1 year old and a newborn, and she didn't put either of them up for adoption. Just me. another year passed with me slowly pulling away from everything, barely noticeable at first, but this is what caused my first visit to a counselor, who diagnosed me with bi-polar and wanted to ship me off somewhere. By this time my thoughts of depression had worsened after my older sister had yet another child that, might I add, she kept and didn't put up for adoption. Like me. This fostered more thoughts like, "Why would she keep them and not me? Wasn't I good enough? Is there something wrong with me?"  As before, these continued to get worse as I went to more counselors and got diagnosed with more and more mental illnesses. ADHD, Asbergers, and Schizophrenia, just to name a few. By this point I believed I was completely alone, the only person I had was my best friend who would hit me and yell at me, and he was younger than me too. Shortly after he moved, I met a new friend, she was a girl who was a year older than me. I looked at her like I used to look at my older sister, she was now my support, the only thing keeping me from killing myself, seeing as I had already had thoughts of suicide by age 11. She understood me, she knew what I went through because we were so much alike when it came to our past, our families. The major difference..? Her older brother was adopted by their Grandmother. She was kept, but she had it worse than him. You know what happened next..? My parents got divorced, I was glad, my Father blamed everything on me. Everything, even if it wasn't my fault. My father left, leaving me and my mother in our house, my haven. My house was my safe place, next only to my clubhouse in the woods by the creek. We moved. We moved to a place I'd never dreamt of living. An apartment complex. I hated it, I despised it with all my being. I switched schools and I instantly made enemies because I was different. Shortly after finally settling down, the court steps in and removes me from my mother's house, forcing me to go live with my father, his new wife, and her two children. I lived in the basement, I hated my step-mother, I hated my dad, I hated my life. I would have given anything to die then and there, but then I met my next savior. Sure, I still had my sister figure, but this was better. Her older brother, who was so much like me. I loved him from the first time I met him. I loved him with all my heart. Finally after returning to my mother's apartment, my mother became just like my father. Everything that went wrong she blamed on me. I had no escape. My supporting sister-like friend moved away. My Savior boyfriend who was so much like me, ripped my heart to pieces. I couldn't escape. No one understood, no one cared enough to try to understand. My sister-like friend finally came to stay with me for a while, helping me escape my cruel reality, for a short while. My mother, she ruined it, she ran my friend off, leaving me trapped. My only escape now is writing, I live only within my fantasy. Even now, when my friend is back, I live in my own fantasies. This is the first time in months that I have attempted to revisit reality, to recount this series of cruel and unfortunate events to you, in hopes you'll understand. In hopes to find my next savior.
DarkAngel1216 DarkAngel1216
13-15, F
Jul 27, 2010