I Just Dont Like You Like That

I don't fall under the stereotypical "friend" category.  I'm good looking, athletic, funny, smart, sociable, not afraid to get in trouble, and extremely capable of doing anything I put my mind to, including making any girl I love's dreams come true.  Call me cocky, whatever.  But my confidence is actually at an all time low when it comes to whether I'll find a girl who loves me as much as I love them.  I am only 19.  So I know I will get the advice to just wait, and I understand that. 

Call me crazy, but I am in love with two different girls.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think about how it would make me feel if I was with either of them, and I couldn't imagine my life being any better.  I will cover these girls identities by calling them Cleo and Sarah.  I went to high school with both of these girls.

Cleo. I dated cleo for a month or so maybe 2 or 3 years ago.  Myself and Cleo became really close friends a year or so after we dated.  It didn't take me long to realize that I definitely had feelings for her again.  I told her, kissed her, and got positive responses from her.  I told her I wanted to try being with her again, and she seemed to be on board.  A lot of bullshit later, I never got back with her and remain in love with her, as a friend.  I consistently let her know how I feel with little hints, nothing ridiculously blatant.  She always says I love you, but that actually hurts because I know that I love you isnt the certain I love you that I want to hear.  I try and do anything possible for her to give me a chance someday. She says she would be open to it, but i know she'll just pull something, or figure I'll forget about it. (which i wont) We get along so well, and people say that we act like boyfriend and girlfriend.  We understand each other, and care about each other deeply.  We dated once a few years ago, we were different people.  I would do anything for her, and she knows that.  It hurts.

Sarah. I fell in love with Sarah within days of meeting her.  I don't have a "type" of girl, but if you were to create a girl in a lab that was made specifically for me, THIS would be the girl.  I could write a whole paper about her qualities.  She is the best mix of looks and personality that I have ever come across.  She has one flaw.  She likes me as a friend.  When I met Sarah, we were friends by default. She had a boyfriend.  I told myself she was just a friend and nothing more, that was all bullshit of course, because after realizing that this girl had literally everything in common with me, along with her incredible beauty, I was hooked.  I was just her friend while i knew her, before going away for 7 months.  I came back to New York, after being out west for 7 months, and she was single.  I got her to also kiss me the first time i saw her when i returned.  The next week I was at her house and shut the door to her room, and made it clear I wanted to kiss her again.  This time it didnt go as well.  I got the friends quote again.  I told myself that I wouldnt stop trying, until she made it as clear as possible, which hurt. Again. This girl not only matches me perfectly, but I match her perfectly.  And I haven't talked to her now in 2 months or so.  This is because she is now reluctant to talk to me.  My confidence has been shot for the last 2 years.

 Of course the "we just work better as friends" line will never mean **** to guys like us.  I always kill myself trying to think of why somoene wouldn't find me appealing.  But it really doesn't matter.  Knowing the real reason doesn't mean ****. It will most likely just make me feel worse about myself.  I don't have much trouble hooking up with girls, and while single, that will always be fun.  But for awhile I've just been focusing on love, and feel hopeless.

mrumack mrumack
2 Responses Mar 12, 2009

I'm 37 and I've known what I wanted in a female (spouse) since I was 7. I've met some really fantastic women and even dated a few over the years; but I always found myself having to make one excuse or another for a quality trait they didn't have or one they had that was different from what I truly desired. In the past couple years I've met a couple and even one who were very close to that "perfect match" (physically attractive, spiritually based, well educated, and proven track record of being independent as well as being socially aware). It seems that throughout my life, I always seem to attract women, both the kind that I am interested in and the ones I'm not so interested in. Ironically, it is the ones I really am not interested in that seem to have an affection for me; whereas the ones I'm drawn to and want to create a relationship with always end up with, "I really just see you as a friend". <br />
I know I myself would tell you that at age 19, "give it time"; however when I sit and view my story when I was feeling the same at that age, and I said, "OK, I'll give it time", I fast forward nearly 20 years and am begging to ask the question, "How much time?"

dude... i joined his thing just so i could type this comment... im in the same problem. just two girls.. JUST TWO outta the whole world that you love... and... it seems like they are the two that dont love you back. its so freaking confusing. you talk to them like your going out. they know that you love them. and they just tell you what you want to hear. until. you REALLY want to hear it. thats when they crush you... it happened to me. both of them... gone...