Post

Is It Really So Bad Wanting To Sleep Forever?

I always keep myself busy..I dont' likeit when I have nothing to do..it makes me nervous, it makes me think I'm not being productive, and that messes with my head. Add the endless war I have with the outside world  between the overall rejection I get way too often, the anger it causes me and the exhausting it is to be alone (although that remains my own fault) and having a baggage that I can't really share with anyone cause...well I have no one really.

The result I guess is obvious...I'm constantly tired....when I manage to sleep, dreams take over and I don't get any rest...If not the dreams, then my constant overthinking keeps me awake. During the day I spend a great deal of time between being a houseman cleaning, washing, sweeping, scrubing, and everythng else involving house maintenance...the rest of the time I spend in my studies...and that college life divides itself into keeping my nose in books and running across a lab working on whatever experiment I have to do that day.....all to get my degree as fast as I can to start a decent job as fast as I can.

Right now my head is clouded, my body just doesn't go along with me anymore, I try to sleep and I can't...and the travels in between college and home I spend them in zombie mode.

This isn't in anyway a strange state for myself to be...but at this point it has become something else...The minute I walk out the house all I want to do is crawl back to my bed and at first my thinking was that I wanted to sleep for hours, maybe never wake up...but now it's not even that...I just want to be in my bed and DO NOTHING for a change...

I WANT TO TURN MYSELF OFF

 

deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 5, 2010

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