The People Have Spoken

a nd apparently they're tired of freedom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. I thought this country would last longer than 230 years. That's it, folks, America is over. At this point, we might as well just give it back to the ******* Indians. Let's see how they'd deal with foreign enemies bent on their destruction. Here's your cake, terrorists! There you go. Enjoy. [tasting the icing] Mmm, tastes like surrender. Jimmy, you might as well get those subtitles going. [Arabic subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen] There you go. Get used to these. And you know what? We should probably throw a burqa over Meg while we're at it. [Meg the intern is shown wearing a burqa] You know what really gets me here, you know what really gets me? Democrats didn't even win this thing, the Republicans lost it. They ran away from the president. "Hey, the ship's in trouble, quick, let's drown the captain!" We were this close to Jesus coming back. And you Republicans that turned your back on the president are going to wander in the desert for the next two years. Literally, someone's going to have to replace those troops in Iraq! And don't think you're off the hook, voters, you're the ones who made this bed. Now you're the ones who are going to have to move over so a gay couple can sleep in it. Tomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones, created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody's high! You know what, I've had it! You people don't deserve a Republican majority! Screw this! I quit!