Will I Ever Be Happy With Just Me

I am 38 years old, i am a recovering alcoholic, recovering self-harmer and now i think, no i know i am anorexic.  I suppose i have been anorexic for nearly 2 years now but i have really just realised it.  I am obsessed with food, i hate food.  I try to limit my intake of food to less than 500 calories per day.  I have been taking laxative chocolate for over 3 months. It has now got to the point that I am taking it every day, I need it.  I know this sounds really sick but I love it when I go to the toilet.  Sometimes the pain from the laxatives is awful but I just ignore it.   I have lost loads of weight but i still see myself as fat, I hate my body.  I seem to go through one addiction to another. I don't know whats up with me.  I wish I would go to sleep one night and not wake up.  I am tired, tired of being me.  I am not normal.
donnabubble38 donnabubble38
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 9, 2010

Hi,<br />
if you want to control your weight, dont starvr yourself,measure everything like in 1/2 cup portions ect, if you love going to the toilet, get some metamucil or from wal mart its called EQUATE its a powder you mix and take at night you can take big doses and it wont hurt you, you will poop a whole lot from it.. you wont have as much pain from the laxatives your taking, also enemas are good for weight control, get a 2 quart set and use only warm soapy water and poop a lot ok...