Mother With Eating Disorder.

I am a 25 year old mother of a 9 months old baby boy. He is adorable and a joy in my life yet I still continue with this monster inside of me.

I gave in to this disease 12 years ago and it bacame my best friend. Always there to run to when everyone turned away. This disease became my best friend and my shelter. She made me feel whole and like nothing can hurt me because I was in control. Well that is what I thought but I was never in control.

First she told me that I will be perfect if I became best friends with her because she is Perfection. The problem with her is that whenever I turned my back or let my guard down, she would stab me in the back and poison me with tears, sleepless nightssss, depression and a deep deep sadness.

Yet I stayed faithful because thats what friends do and she has become my only friend.

Well when I was 13 I was molested and I lost track of life at that point. Several suicide attempts didn't work so I guess I had to live with this pain. Well if I had to live with is I am going to control my life. It started slowly. Eating less, skipping meals, using appetite suppresants, etc. My mom noticed but I was smart. I told her I ate a big lunch and I was not hungry. Used drugs which made me loose even more weight but I knew I was on the wrong path.

At some point in my life I thought I won the battle but somehow I kept going back cause it's all I know. Who will I be without this best friend.

Years after I became a mother and I have won the battle, well thats what I thought. I remained strong while pregnant but after that I went back to her because I was so unhappy with myself. People think I am such a happy person but deep inside me something is eating me up bit by bit. I think about the future of my baby without me and I cry but it is almost as if this inside of me is overpowering this strong love I have for my baby.

I hope one day I will be recovered fully but no one knows because it is my secret. I hope I can be stable and be there for my son until he is his own man. Oh God please grant me happiness and joy and best friends cause ana surely is not very good at that.

LayEDla LayEDla
22-25
6 Responses Mar 27, 2009

I'm a 25 year old mother of a three year old and I struggle too. I too thought I was recovered as I did really well in pregnancy for my daughter's sake but as soon as the baby weight started to come off, it started all over again. I know I should eat and keep myself nourished so that I can be a good mother and set positive examples but at the moment in particular, I'm finding it very difficult. My boyfriend knows and is thankfully very supportive but it's still a daily struggle. With you mama!

I am also a Mother with an eating disorder. I have two little ladies to care for, which I love doing! I have a fantastic husband. My past, however, is very dark and sad, a true tragedy. It haunts me daily but I am actually a pretty happy person. The eating disorder is my little secret and, believe it or not, this is the happiest I have ever been, anorexia and all. I have found such joy in things not related to eating or food. Of course, I ate well when pregnant, and guess what? I hated being pregnant, but being a Mom was SO worth it!!

PEOPLE!!! LOOKING FAT LOOKS BETTER THEN SKIN AND BONES!!!

i would say go to a therapist who will help you can keep thinking positive! I'm now a young adult but got my ed at age 10.

I hope you get the needed help. Their are clinics for therapy for EDs. I have anorexia, bulemia and about 9 other disorders and also an adult. I take meds and see a therapist on a weekly basis. <br />
I wish you a positive and safe journey. Paco35:-)

iam 22 and i have a 5 year old iam so depressed and now have ed!!! my body i crying out for help and i just want to to the whole world i need help i have lost a stone and a half in 5 weeks! everyone is telling me how good i look but deep down im crying inside!!!