I Am Disappointed

I thought when I joined this experience group that I could find people I could relate to. So far, that hasn't happened. In fact, I have never met another person who is both anorexic AND happy. Basically, everyone here just talks about how horrible their lives are and how much they hate how they are, and wish they could be free of the thing that is ruining their lives. Maybe I'm in the wrong group. Yes, I've been at that point that most people have described. As far as I'm concerned, I HAVE recovered, I HAVE freedom from suffering about food and weight. Only because my family is very tolerant. It's just that I don't want to be part of the "normal eating world". I'm not looking for people to try to change me, or change my mind about things. I'm not looking for advice. I don't want to have to explain or justify myself. I don't need to be told all the risks, complications, etc. of "ana". Been there, done that. It's not good for my mental health to have to always be thinking about food, and most women, that's all they want to talk about; they'll never understand where I'm coming from. In fact, I really don't enjoy talking about food or weight; it's best for me to maintain what I have, and the rest of the time think about anything but that. This probably makes absolutely no sense; I'm not very articulate. I guarantee no one will understand. Why do I bother to share? My situation has worked out well so far, I just hope it continues...still, it would be nice to have just one person who "gets it". I guess I just needed to vent, but this is getting me no where, so I'll just stop.

atpeacewithme atpeacewithme
31-35
4 Responses Feb 11, 2010

i get what your saying, I feel the same way as you. I go through periods where I say "you don't understand" and still, it stays true that no-one does..maybe you do.

I am happy with my ED! I also am looking for like minded ppl. I cant tell anyone I know that this is going on because at the height of it all when I was way into it I was close to death. I want to find a diet buddie! Someone who can fast with me. I dont like most of the pro ana sites. It is always easier to drop those pounds when you can find a like minded ana! Now as tempting as a very very low weight seems. I wont go there! But I also wanted to say. I was "recovered" for the last 3 yrs and I still always thought about food! It doesnt ever really go away. It is something you will have for the rest of your life.

Thank you. I will never be "recovered" in the sense of being normal, eating wise, but I AM recovered in the sense of being at the point where I am at a weight I feel comfortable with, ( even though I am still very "underweight" by today's standards) , and in my own strange way, enjoying food very much. To me, that was the goal when I was trying to recover- to have a positive relationship with food, and be at a weight I'm comfortable with. Most anorexics who claim to have completely recovered still have thoughts of "I'm too heavy" or "I wish I hadn't eaten that"; right now, I'm free from all those thoughts. For that matter, most women in the normal eating world are always saying things like that, or trying to lose weight. That's one reason I don't want to be "normal". I really am happiest when I don't have to be talking or thinking about food or weight all the time, and the lifestyle I have now is how I accomplish that. It's just frustrating because people sometimes say things like, "You might think you're healthy, but you're still too skinny." While I don't claim to be the perfect picture of health ( and who is, really? ) , I am doing OK. Thank you so much for your response; it's so rare to have someone who "gets it". This made my day. Thanks again.

i can relate. i technically am "recovered", but then again i never really will be completely normal eating wise. i too am bored with talking or even thinking about food and weight all the time. i try to the best of my abilities to be happy with the here and now, knowing about the risks i'm talking. i don't want to gain weight, and i won't, but i'm not letting it interfere with my life anymore.