Embracing Options

Four years ago, I hit a place of discovery.  Well, it was first a place of understanding.  I was 36.  I had accomplished my professional and educational goals.  And, I realized what I was missing in my life.  I wanted intimacy…true intimacy of the mind, spirit and body. I had only had one serious relationship and that was from age 16-26.  Ten years later, I had experienced some serious infatuations but nothing that led to anything substantial.  It was not that they were  "unqualified" .  Quite the contrary!  I was fortunate to attract and interact with men that measured up to what I thought I wanted.  As most people do when they mature, I started realizing that I was not fulfilled with what I thought I wanted.  So, I destroyed my "list of qualifications" and simplified my desires.  I simply wanted to have a connection that was nurturing, inspiring and stimulating.  Once I was able to give voice to this inner desire, my mind began to question if what I was seeking was actually found in a woman.  Being progressive and open-minded, I began to explore women (in an on-line, anonymous-kind-of-way).  After a couple of hit and misses, I actually stumbled across a woman that I thought could be the woman of my dreams.  In her arms, I experienced a new level of fulfillment.  We had incredible talks.  We had fun together.  We love to party and we loved deep intellectual conversations.   Things were not perfect, but I liked what I experienced with her far greater than I had experienced in all of my years of dating.  Our relationship did not last beyond the year because she and I both needed some things that the relationship could not afford.  It was the most difficult break up that I ever experienced but it I am forever grateful for my time with her.  Since then, I have dated other women (including one serious relationship) and I now have an even stronger desire for those qualities that I believe women bring to a relationship.  It is not just because she is a woman.  I believe it is her essence that makes her alluring.  I need compatibility, respect, ambition, and genuine curiosity.  I find this combination in women far greater than finding it in men.  Whether I am a black lesbian or is not really the issue.  The issue is “compatibility, respect, ambition, and genuine curiosity".  I embrace this a fundamental need and I embrace those that can bring it. 

Are there others out there who can understand or relate  to my story?