Advice Please!

Hello everyone,

just a quick question that you may or may not be able to answer. my fiance just had his first meeting with the recruiter today, he got his application and is now getting things in order to submit (while taking his time to make sure this is what he really wants before signing his life away). Anyway, the recruiter told him that if he picked a job that is in high demand he could leave as early as october but if he picks one that isn't in high demand he can expect to wait about 9 months until BMT. We were relying in this meeting to help us determine our wedding date. We were hoping to get married in September but then thought we should wait a little bit because we are both young and my brother (who is a marine) is being deployed next month. My question is, should we just get married in september because it is easier to do so before he leaves? or is it plausible to get married when he returns from BMT? which is the smarter option? Thank you for your help.
livimo livimo
18-21, F
3 Responses May 15, 2012

My husband (together for 6 years, married for 2) is at BMT right now, so here is my advise: <br />
1. From the day my husband had his first meeting with his recruiter to the day he left for BMT was 1 year. He landed a job as a fire fighter, but those are not so common anymore (ba<x>ses are starting to contract out to civilians). Get ready for a really long road, and A LOT of paperwork. Once your fiance is able to go to MEPS you will have a better idea of what you're looking at--his score on his ASVAB will determine what jobs he qualifies for. With that being said, if your fiance is flexible he can go on "standby" and the recruiter will call him if someone drops out, which means he could have less than a few days notice to leave. <br />
2. Being married does make this process A LOT easier. My husband is in week 6 right now, I have a military ID, benefits, BAH, and my separation pay will start soon. Unless you are willing to get married at Lackland, AFB during the 4 days between graduation and when he will ship out for tech school, you will have to wait until he is done with tech school (the guys don't get leave after graduation, you travel to them). If you're ready to be married---then be married. It's the most wonderful experience and a few years down the road you won't care "how" you got married---you'll just love being married :) <br />
3. Financially speaking, be prepared to pay your bills without your fiances pay. Pay is really messed up during basic---none of it makes sense! My husband has been paid twice so far, and I have no idea what he's actually been paid for. When I add up our housing and ba<x>se pay I can't figure it out. I'm not sure if we're missing money or not---when I asked the admin on the USAF BMT facebook page he more or less told me to suck it up and figure it out after BMT. (We will get back pay for anything missed). It's stressful, but you just have to roll with the punches. <br />
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I hope this helps some, this process can be overwhelming but as the wife you have to put on your happy face at all times. When my husband calls (usually once a week for about 15 minutes) I stay really positive and only tell him the good things going on----it's really hard, but not as hard as what he's going through. If I can answer any other questions for you, let me know!<br />
<br />
Jess

We have talked about just eloping (my parents suggestion because they have seen how stressed I have been) because it would be nice to have everything said and done and start to just enjoy married life. Whoever said the engagement period is pure bliss was nuts in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, there have been some major ups to being engaged, but there have been some pretty sucky downs as well. I've been goin' crazy. But I just can't help but wonder if in the future I would regret not having that big wedding celebration that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl. Now the stress is even more so since the AF. But you know, I'm learning to role with the punches and I'm hoping that this whole experience will help me be more flexible and think about my hubby's needs over my own. Which is something I have struggled with. Thank you for the advice :)

No! That was great advice. I think we are leaning toward getting married before he goes in. Now it's time to get into the nitty gritty and inform all of the vendors we have already reserved about whats going on BEFORE we have to make any payments. That's what I am most concerned about. Do we wait until he is done with basic and lose first pick of all of our choice of vendors? or do we carry on with the route we are on now because it will be less stressful in the long run? Guess we still have some things to work out and decide what is best for us as a couple. Thank you so much for your advice though :)

It all depends on the route you as a couple want to take. As far as choosing a job, I told my husband that if this was a route that we were going to take to go for jobs that he is actually interested in. Although he was ready to leave ASAP we both realized that it was more important for him to actually enjoy a job that he has for a change. At first his recruiter told him to pick a general field but he and I decided to put down specific jobs that he knew he would enjoy. He swore in in October 2011 and by January he had his top choice job and just left for BMT on May 7th. Both of our fathers were in the Air Force for at least 20 years and my Dad always told me about when he was locked in his jobs, that he hated it, because it's not like civilian life and you can't just find another job. <br />
As far as getting married the only advice that I have is that it is a lot easier when you are married when they enter into BMT. While they are in BMT you will receive the housing allowance for the area that you are living in. Also if his Tech school last more than 20 weeks they will move you with him. Whereas if you are not married you are not going to be moved with him on their dime. He will also have to live in the dorms on-ba<x>se and you will have to live off ba<x>se. No branch of the military recognize girlfriends or fiances because legally, you are not a dependent. Once your married you are his dependent and they help both of you--not just him. Although being married is easier in ways of recognition--I do not advise people to rush into getting married. It should be comfortable for you both-- and just know, that even though it's hard, it will all work out. It is also less common for people to be married as they enter BMT but it's not unheard of. My husband was the only person that was married out of all of the other recruites he met before leaving for BMT. I hope I didn't ramble too much and that I made some sort of sense. When it comes to situations like these, it can get rather confusing. Let me know if I helped or made it worse :)