Still Battling It....

I know how you feel, I have been sober 15 months tomorrow. There is always the chance that I will drink again if I do not safe guard myself every day. I am in drug court and on probation so if I drink I could go to prison and lose everything. A.A. meetings help me a great deal. It is just one day at a time and that is all we can do. You did the most natural thing in the world to an alcoholic, you drank. Do not beat yourself up for it, just move on from here. HUGS!!

One thing I learned from going to a drug counselor, was quit searching for a reason why you are an alcoholic/addict. At this point it doesn't matter. When I was first getting clean, I searched for someone to blame. Was it hidden in my family somewhere? Was it myself self-medicating my depression? All that matters is we realize we have the affliction and get help. You really have made the right step in going to AA. And Cinfullynn is right, don't get discouraged over a slip or relapse, it happens, just get back in there.

Yes, it's true "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, even if you don't drink anymore" Alcoholism is a disease. A disease I didn't understand. Don't look for the cause, look for the solution. I don't drink or smoke, but my husband of 15 years did. He would try to get me to go to Alanon meetings, I said I would but I never did. He died on August 6th this month at the age of 42. And the pain has left me in pieces. DON't EVER GIVE UP! If you relapse get back up and start again. And your partner should be aware and should support you. Life is short. Live it sober and enjoy it.

It is a relapse, nothing more, nothing less. If you have been given a "last-chance" ultimatum from a significant other, then that is a good sign that that person thinks you're an alcoholic, too. However, facing the disease for someone else isn't good enough. You really have to decide to do it for you. As simple as it sounds to non-alkies/addicts but, giving up that one thing for everything is sooooo hard! But, do you want to lose EVERYTHING for that 'one' thing? That is ultimately what it took me to quit drinking. At least darn near everything. I have my health, I have my freedom (back)- hence the screen-name, I'm regaining the respect of my family, and getting new and better friends. I knew I was an alcohlic for YEARS before I finally decided to "stick and stay" in the rooms. Do you have a Big Book? Read it! Read the 3rd Chapter- "More about Alcoholism", it does get worse. The nature of the disease (and if you question the disease factor, read "The Doctor's Opinion") is that it is progressive, you only stopped because others interceded. I have a question that seems relevant- if you are that fragile- why was alcohol accessible in your home? If you have someone you live with that cares about your sobriety- it should not be in the house! I've only been sober about 14+ months (by the way...it feels AWESOME waking up every day without a hangover, plus I love when I am ill or sick, I'll get better like a normal person with medicine and rest, not a hair of the dog, or something I did to myself) but, I know that probably still if there was alcohol in my home, my mind would trick me into thinking I could just "have one". I can go out into a restaurant, or even picnics with alcohol but, alone, on my own- where I'd think no one would "find out". I do not trust my sobriety, and I'm not going to test it. I thought I lost everything but, there is always more to lose.

Dear Cleo, I understand why you are scared. I watched my husband for years do heavy drugs and alcohol almost killing himself. I prayed and prayed and believed GOD to give him freedom from the alcohol and drugs. GOD is all I had to latch on to. The worse my husband got, the MORE I prayed to GOD. Finally he got tired and sick of the lifestyle and signed himself into a rehab. I asked GOD to give him something to latch onto, some type of understanding and desire that would help him so he wouldn't go back to the alcohol and drugs. When he came home from the rehab he immediately began to go to AA and has been successful in not drinking or doing drugs. I asked him what kind of encouragement would he give you and he told me to tell you to get back into the game, forget about the relapse and fight, fight, fight so that familiar feeling and taste of alcohol will not succeed within you. Go to AA faithfully as if you're married to it, you have to work the steps of the program. I know it may not be what you want to do but, my husband is a different person since he's been free. Get a sponsor, someone you can trust that won't mislead you and will help and encourage you. He says it takes time and alot of patience but you can do it, ONE DAY AT A TIME. I will be praying for you just like I prayed for my husband believing that you will get the freedom and peace you want. God Bless.

i am a practicing alcoholic who has lost everything near and dear to me. please do not end up like me

Don't try to figure out why you're an alchoholic, scientists haven't been able to figure it out, you probably won't either. Accept the fact that you are an alcoholic and that you will always have problems with alcohol.

Go to AA meetings, get a Big Book, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Listen, a lot. listen to the people that have some long term sobriety and aren't angry about it.

You relapsed, you have 24 hours to wallow in self pity. Move on, learn from your mistakes, and get on with recovery. 9 out of 10 of us relapse, you are not alone. I know some one who relapsed after 17 years, he is back working on his recovery.

I could write volumns about the tools and sayings that I've used and heard. I'll leave you with two.

For the past 15+ years I've started each day with the promise that with the help of God I will not drink today. I'll worry about not drinking tomorrow when it gets here.

I look at my alcoholism and continuing recovery as a blessing. Without them I would not have spent time getting to know and like myself and many fine other people.

It gets easier with practice.

Tom

Wow! You must admit now that you surely are NOT alone. Don't sweat it as to why you are an alcoholic. You are simply one of the unlucky minority if drinkers that are subject to addiction to alcohol. I know how you feel about coming home. 15 years without a drop and I still (on only few occasions) have the longing for "home."
But you have to remember the bad that came with the good. So much bad from just that one drink. Now after my 15 years of being "away from home", my new good outweighs the old. A relaps will happen, now and then, but you can get right back on track and learn from your brief falling. I relapsed a couple few times, learning from each until I was able to stay clean throughout these years. Meetings and more meetings...they help some. Mostly quit crying about it and get on with your life! You will find an incredibly different life unfold once you have sobriety solidly in place. 15 years ago I was a homeless unskilled laborer, cold and alone. Now I am married with child in a fine, warm home and working my dream job as a research scientist...from drunken bum to PhD...HAH! Indeed not a sober bum at all!!! hehe
Maybe you will find the dream you lost as the drink took over...maybe? Oh, I am sure you will, by the grace of God and your inner strength as it comes with sobriety.
Keep it going as it is worth all the pain you might feel...worth all the longing for "home" again. You can find your new place in life, the place you lost when the drink took you away. And when you fall again, just pick yourself up again and continue to go forward.

AA works...just two years under my belt and I have a life I never dreamed I could have...just got home from my 8:30, chairing one tonite at 7 and run down the road to a 9 o'clock after that. Surround yourself with the good sober folks, the fellowship is there for all of us, Don't let the bastard win...

Once an Alcoholic for ever an alcoholic it is true.I have been sober and clean for over three years. It wasn't until I realized that I could not change that ,my life would not change,that I was going to die that way. It's a life long desease. So I had to make a choice die drinking or die sober . That choice was mind. I choose to life sober and clean I found help from people with the same problem. Like they say only alcoholic can help alcoholic because we understand what you are going though. So go to meeting and share your storie not only will you help your self but will help others also. Relapse is a sign that you need to do more work in your recovery. All ready you have people on this board that wants to help you. Thank you for sharing

My husband is an alcoholic. He went through rehab this past summer and so far he hasn't had anything to drink. Two weeks ago, he got his 60 day button from AA and I'm so proud of him. We're trying to take things one day at a time because our marriage was practically ruined before he went into rehab - I had even filed for divorce because things were so bad. I think the divorce papers were what motivated him to go away to rehab an to get sober. Good luck to you - I KNOW you can do it. Remember - just take things a day at a time.

It's Thyrsday...Are you sober>>>>Did you get up and go to a meeting>>>>>>>Did you pickup a desire chips.

You just goota work the program. One Day at the Time.
A lot of people have given you comments and assistance. We are all here to help you. reach out and let us.

Once a cucumber becomes a pickle; it stays a pickle. I'm an alcoholic, and I've been an alcoholic for 40 years. The only thing that's changed is that I've haven't had a drink in 8 years.

If you went out for some R&D, dust yourself off and come back in. Maybe you just haven't had that last drink yet; maybe tings haven't gotten bad enough for you to scream "Uncle". Maybe the pain hasn't gotten bad enough yet. Everybody's bottom is different.

Getting to AA is important, but try to find those specific meetings that work for you. Attitude adjust. or reflection, which ever is best for you.

Coming from a relapsed and active drinker: It is not worth it. You will lose more than you care to if you are not careful. Dont end up like me! ;)

For me staying sober is easy because I am an active member of aa! I will tell you what was hard. Finding ways and means to drink and use dope every day. Riding in the back of cop cars. Bullet holes in the walls of my home and fist holes through every door in my home, guilt, remorse and shame!.......THAT **** WAS HARD! If you are anything like me when it comes to drinking you don't have a choice just like diabetics don't have a chioce wether they get sick or not they need their medicine.
When the thought of a drink comes I ask myself..."Do I want to live or die?" To drink is to die!