81 DaysToday I have 81 days sober. Its amazing the last time I was this sober I was pregnant.....it feels really empowering to be in total control over my body, my actions, and my addiction. Last night I had a dream that I got extremely drunk, when I awoke the feeling a guilt overwhelmed me. It took me a few groggy moments to realize it was just a nightmare. I can't image that feeling of guilt I would have if I really did drink. I will be extremely proud of myself when I make it to 90 days. It is such an accomplishment and a struggle to remain alcohol free. Especially when it is all around us, I can't turn on the tv without seeing a trigger, visiting family is a trigger, every single holiday is a trigger b/c they were always an excuse to get drunk. Weekends are triggers, I went fishing with my husband the other day and that was a trigger. Oh how I longed to just pop the top of an ice cold beer, I was angered with myself b/c I wondered why can't I just be like everyone else and just drink one. Why does one beer always start a chain reaction, I wish it wasn't so. As the days accumulate I realize more and more that it is okay to be an alcoholic and it is manageable, its not the end of the world or my life........unless I let it be.
BrownEyedGirl09 26-30, F 1 Response 0 Apr 5, 2012