Ok So Now What

I know I am an alcoholic. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I am a single mother of a four year old and she deserves an ever present mom. Since her dad left I can't seem to get my life in order. I am a professional ny day and by night I merely pass out...never real sleep. Please, I want to be out of this. I hate it but I can't seem to escape it. I can't outrun or outsmart it. I know AA works for so many but I feel like it is an admission of defeat. Any advice would be appreciated.
dtn0727 dtn0727
1 Response May 22, 2012

Dtn, the whole purpose of AA is to admit that alcohol has defeated you. It took me many years to admit to it and I couldn't stay sober until I had. That does not mean it can't be done other ways but I had tried doctors, re-hab, and every thing known to God and man and nothing worked until I went back to AA after many false starts. I lost my wife and children from my first marriage and my second wife had thrown me out and rightly so. Once I was able to throw up my hands and admit I could n't do this on my own and began to listen to what the people in AA were suggesting and I followed those suggestions, my life started to get better. I understand what you are saying when you say that your little girl needs a Mother who is there for her and not passed out. I have been there and done that, at the time my second wife threw me out we had 1 year old twins at home and I have had them in my car while drunk and been at home with them passed out when I should have been taking care of them. Those boys are now 25 and never remember seeing me drunk and my grandchildren have never seen me drunk and that is something I never thought could have happened. I have been sober now for 24 years and those have been the best in my life of 65 years. Just remember that you have to go to AA for yourself so that you can be the person you want for your daughter. Hope this helps, if you ever need to chat please feel free.