Emptiness Of Soul Like An Empty Bottle.

I first drank around 14 years old. Didn't really like it but it got me out of my shyness. After the Gulf War in 1990-1991 I was diagnosed after four years with severe anxiety disorder. So it took a while but I found out that alcohol calmed me down and took away my panic attacks and anxiety. I was not seeing a doctor so I was self medicating. This seems good at first but always leads to needing more. I went 8 days without drinking. Then one day I just felt like it and the desire was strong. I told myself what would happen and it did yet I did it all anyways. So stupid, I know I'll end up hungover feeling guilty, needing to drink to feel better, missing work, sleeping all day, not sleeping at night. God please help me. Let me stop and not start again. It's only been 24 hours since I drank last. I hate this addiction and how it is ruining my life and others it is effecting.
46-50, M
3 Responses Jun 26, 2012

Last drink was Nov. 2015 Only one, I was anxious, got rid of the other ones. Bought several harder lemonades in Jan. Didn't drink them poured them out. Im handling anxiety better now.Not buying alcohol when anxious. Better to die sober than live drunk.

2 1/2 days now. I heard the demons of temptation talk to me just a few minutes ago. I want to feel good sober all the time. I'm going to a recovery class this Friday night at a church. I look forward to their prayers and share the burdens.

I feel your pain.......It calmed me too, but I have been 21 days now without. At times I feel as I am gonna have a breakdown.....Layed off from work, and if it weren't for my sweet dog, and loving girlfriend, it would really be worse....Please try to find a way to feel better without the alcohol...It robbed me of 25 of my best years...! Right now I think I kinda know how a convict must feel when they wanna get back "in" after parole from many years in prison.....We won't go that far but if you are as I, you probably feel lost and dull.........Other people pull through, and I will be hoping we can!!!! There really isn't any future in it. It was just our crutch I guess! Thank you for serving in our military!