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Some Times It Feels Hopless But Its Not

I started drinking when I was in high school and by the time I was twenty five I was an alcoholic.I was able to excell In all of my work (only had five jobs in my life) because of my age.I lost my first wife because of drinking .When I remarrried I got my drinking under control and we started going to church.I stayed sober for almost 6 years and then we deceided to take a trip out to vegas,that started the down fall.
I cont to drink heavy and in the last year I drink a 12 pack plus 2 or 3 shooters every nite. It has got so bad that I was unable to do any paper work or even write because of the shaking so I started going to the liguor store in the morning so I could do my paper work( I am able to work from home).So i would pick up my shooters and think I might just as well pick up some beer now and save me a trip later.The problem with that was I am a field super for a const company and I'm supposed to go check on the northern jobs but by 10:00 I was toast I knew I could not cont so I have taken a month off.I have the support of my wife and my company and so this time I will make It no matter what I takes.Big talk for a alcoholic of 30 years,but If I don't start out positive then I will fail for sure.I will change something for the positive every day for the next 24 day. I make my wife take all of my credit cards and keys to my truck.I spent my first 5 days detoxing I then found this web site and starting taking some time on my knees.Don't get me wrong I'm scared to death to fail but I'll be dead before long If I don't try

teek44
deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Sep 22, 2012

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Hey, if your not going to go to AA... I whole-heartedly suggest you get some reading materal :) Sober Living Workbook is a good one (:

How are you feeling today, teek?
You said you had 6 yrs. sober in the past, that is encouraging! I really appreciate the sound of your determination this time at the rodeo. I am new to recovery, but I know that positive thinking is crucial. Do have a variety of AA meetings in your area?

Fella, it will be hard to do on your own unless you are a complete master of your desires. I've never been to AA, but if you have any weakness in your drive, it may be the only choice. I just found this site tonight and posted for the first time, but those are my very initial thoughts.