Tired of Feeling Fermented

OK here it goes......I have to admit that I'm an alcoholic. I'm not in denial, and haven't been for many years. I was just to scared to quit because of the withdrawl symptoms! Feeling shaky and dizzy would always make me feel anxious and sometimes throw me into a full-blown panic attack!

I've been an alcoholic for almost 20 years and I am just now finding the courage (with the strength that God gives me) to face my demon head on! I'm tired of being in bondage to alcohol! Enough is enough!

I know it cliche, but I'm sick and tired of being "sick and tired" 

I drink daily, and a lot of it. I'm what you would consider a "functioning alcoholic" I can still cook and clean and take care of my family. I'm not a stumbling down drunk (although it can lead there on the weekends) but I can still function. I also still have enough presence of mind to not get behind the wheel of a car!

I finally decided to take charge and own this, when it got to the point that I could drink a 12 pack a day, all by myself! I"m concerned about my health, I'm concerned about the example I'm setting for my children, and I'm so very, very weary of it all......*sigh*

 

Well, the battle is on and I'm giving it Hell! Today is the 6th day without even a sip!!!

WinterMountain WinterMountain
36-40, F
20 Responses Mar 3, 2009

I was always afraid to go to AA, I figured that was the last straw, hanging around with a bunch of Bible-thumpers......But I have met some of the best, most interesting people on the planet in those rooms. I'm not religious, don't let that spook you. I needed help, and the best thing I ever did was go to my first meeting. I've had many relapses, but, as everyone says, 'one day at a time'. Every morning I wake up sober and with no headache, I feel gratitude and happiness, not the usual fear, panic and sickness I used to feel. You will make it, it just takes the desire to have your life back, to have a life with quality.

I'm doing great hollyboo. Thanks for asking. :)

Hi i just stumbled across your story and wondered how you're doing!!

Really? I didn't know that. I see what you mean though.......<br />
You can get a buzz and still remember things the next day!

Hey sweetheart, I know where your coming from. I was in alcohol rehab when I was 15 and again at 16. I cant control myself and have no sense what so ever.<br />
Thats one reason I liked smoke so much, cuz I could get high, stay in control and not black out. If it were legal Id never drink but only smoke. I do still drink every couple months or so at a get together or what not, but Id still rather smoke all the time and never drink again.

Thank you so much Ed! That makes me feel so much better! I would feel so honored if my story helped someone else out there who is feeling the same kind of pain that I am!<br />
<br />
I've received so much support and encouragement from people here on EP!<br />
<br />
I feel truly Blessed to get such support and not criticizm! I was fearful people would judge me, but instead I've received such positive feedback......:)

Thank you so much Ed! That makes me feel so much better! I would feel so honored if my story helped someone else out there who is feeling the same kind of pain that I am!<br />
<br />
I've received so much support and encouragement from people here on EP!<br />
<br />
I feel truly Blessed to get such support and not criticizm! I was fearful people would judge me, but instead I've received such positive feedback......:)

Thanks for sharing our story. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem. An there is a lot of people out there that can help you. We don't get sober alone, I'm a great believer in it takes one Alcohloic to help a other Alcohloic. As you can see from the people who shared before me So once again thank you for sharing it may help someone else Thanks Ed

Oh yes, indeed! <br />
I'm so unhealthy and toxic right now! I'm so tired of feeling helpless! I know I'm Not helpless and with support from my good friends here at EP, and the support of my family, I feel hopeful again......:)

Thank you marji----:)<br />
Wow, your grandmother would drink that much too! <br />
<br />
See, that's the thing, my tolerance is so high, that it keeps taking more and more to get that buzz I'm forever after!<br />
<br />
In fact, I'm in pain more often from the severe use than I am happy and buzzed from it!

Thanks for commenting rdt<br />
Yes, I'm looking for an AA close to my house! <br />
<br />
That's what I would do! Drink every day anywhere from 8 to 12 beers! I didn't guzzle, instead I sipped my beer all day long. It probably took me 12 hours to drink 12 beers, but when you do that every day, your body starts giving out on you! <br />
<br />
It's easier for me to drink as much as I want, because I don't have to work, so I have nothing but time to sip away all day long!!<br />
<br />
I've found that keeping busy helps with the withdrawls! Sometimes I wish I did have a job to keep me phsically and mentaly busy and my mind off alcohol......

I am wondering if I am becoming an alcoholic as well. I drink every night, but get up and go to work each morning. Hang in there! You CAN do this. I also suggest AA for support.

Thank you so very much Lily and WarriorMom!! With such supportive friends like ya'll, I feel so much better! I'm certainly not in denial, just very ashamed and embarassed! <br />
<br />
Thank you for the life-line! When I talk about this with such patient and understanding people, I feel so hopeful that I can and will do this!!<br />
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Thank you so much for your prayers......:)

I'm also a sober alcoholic with 2 yrs of being clean and dry. I had a relaspe and experienced the hell in drinking again. I hurt not only myself but my adult children and others. Everyday is 1 day at a time, even those who have a lot of sobriety. I agree with DD. I wasn't able to do it alone. I went through treatment and see a professional. Please pick up a phone or pm myself or others instead of picking up a drink, no matter how bad it is at the moment. In a 12step program, there is so much love and support. They can be another family. I send you my best wishes and prayers. Again, pm me if you'd like. It's as helpful to me also to connect with you.

Thank you Markie......:)<br />
It's been a shaky several days, but I'm doing well enough I guess! I'm going to keep on giving it hell!!

Oh I am! Believe me! :) <br />
Like you said, all I can do is take it one day at a time.....

It is all one day at a time. Each day counts. Your six days are very special. You should be proud of them.

You're so sweet DD thank you. <br />
Wow 22 yrs! That's Wonderful! <br />
<br />
Haha and here I am proud of six days!

I have been sober for 22 years. I did it one day at a time. <br />
I didn't do it alone. I had support from family and some friends. I got rid of the "friends" who wanted me to drink with them.<br />
I also got medical help. <br />
I saw a psychitrist.<br />
I went to AA.<br />
I prayed.<br />
You are going to need all the help you can get.<br />
You can PM me...DD

Thank you thisisiallihave for your comment.<br />
Yes, I admit, I am a little frightened! I have a long road ahead of me......