i'm a liar and drinking
Posted September 19th, 2007 at 4:32AM
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I've been in the rooms for 7 years - and loving life. -- The book - Lolita - by Vladimir Nabokov - begins with a scene where the hero is lying to his psychiatrist. This scene has always struck me as the perfect example of existential bad faith. (How can a shrink help you if you lie to him or her?) We alcoholics are Ph.D. level liars - we lie to everyone, mostly to ourselves. Right now you are playing a game with yourself that is damaging your soul. The moment you actually "get right" and do what you need to do, you will start feeling better.
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Indeed. After all - the first word in AA is "Anonymous." Alcoholism is a disease of isolation, climb out of that shell and it gets easier.
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I'm sorry to hear about your conflict with alcohol. I have 20 months + now. You clearly do not want to continue with your behavior, so make an effort to get help. I had a friend who was doing exactly what you're doing, but the telltale sign, the giveaway, were the number of candies or mints he would eat while at the meeting. One night at my TV news job, I had to edit the story of his death; he was run over crossing a busy road in town, clearly going from one restaurant/bar to the one across the street. So, who was he fooling? He was run over like a dog. Is that what you want, because something, not sure what will happen to you. I hope you choose the right thing, we are all waiting to help and we all understand, more than you may know.
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It sounds like you have a drinking problem. Not to sound like a total *** here, but you have the same problem many people have and that is you hide behind the bottle to avoid life. I have had the same problem in the past and still deal with it on occassion. I have to say to myself that I will not let life kick my ***. I will not let alcohol be my crutch in life. Do not think life is your enemy, believe that you are better than the bottle.
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Dude!
that sucks!
I understand what you thru
i am a recovering addict and i know how it
feels to lie to our love ones because of something
that is controlling our lives making it umanageable.
Most of the time when i was using i wasn't available
for my friends because i was too busy getting wasted.
I love your story.
the grass is greener on the other side
remember that you have a deseace not a moral deficiency!
Good Luck! -
good luck all of you strong people! I really admire people with such courage who aim to kick addictions. I am ex smoker and once free you feel alive again.
remember though all people have addictions of one thing or another, alcohol just makes it seem worse. sugar can be an addiction, hate also. to me all of you who try and suceed at kicking alcohol are absolute champions! -
I grew up with a family of alcoholics and some of them still are. I've seen it and its terrible. I've lived it and its horrible. I have friends that drink like crazy. I think you need to cry out to someone close that'll help you through this. I think you need someone to climb out of the bottle with you. I know its hard to get over alcohol. But think about all the people you love and how devastated they would be if they found out. And really try to clean yourself up before you really hurt yourself. If you need to, I'm here. I'd love to chat. Yes, I'm a stranger, but it'd be cool to help.
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this is sad iknow about alcoholics. my son is you will need your strength and fight this off. the only one that can do it is you!!
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You know what you have to do .
Good luck, hang in there,
Bluebird -
everyones different you got to find what works for you and work from there I started with beer and by the time I wanted to quit I was drinking vodka straight which I learned about while in a treatment program
and i never drank alone at 1st
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This is really making you feel like ****, so you have to at least try. It´s a one day at a time thing, if you fail, you failed a day, but the next one you get up and try again until you make it. It´d tough, but just for tryiing you´ll feel much better and it will help you hang in there. Think about how you already make it a certain amount of hours without drinking, not about how many you are wasted, and start making the first ones longer. Get help from those who love you, they´re you´re best support.
Good luck! -
Get yourself some HELP and soon. I drink alone too...mostly to just feel numb...so I don't dwell on the rotten things in my life. I am a functioning drunk...I work 5 days a week, but my goal most nights when I get home is to drink enough to become "numb"..so I don't have to think or feel. I worry about myself sometimes. Please get yourself some help. Good luck!
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One thing on your side is that you are young and you wrote your story admitting you have a problem.
Sounds like you got a lot of things going for you too.
The next step is to do something about it ! It takes a big man to admit that he needs help. You can do it !
You are the only one that can help yourself before others can help you.
Face those demons head on ! Find out what is really bothering you, that you can not sleep.
I am very proud of you for just writing this story !
Best of luck to you ! -
I think your doing something every human being is good at and that is to lie to itself. I think that you wanna recover and lead a healthy life and thats you told us your story because you're trying to reach for help. I think you should encourage yourself to get some real and serious help or at least tell a close friend. I think you will do great and you will get out of this. Life can be very hard snd complicated sometimes but everything is set out to make us learn the lessons and get stronger. Good luck
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Up until recently I've been able to take care of two handles of vodka a week easily since I started college back in 2005; patch that with working as a clerk and full-time student classes and I've convinced myself jokingly that I'm a 'functional alcoholic'. I've only just recently kinda "snapped awake" and realized that every moment I'm home I'm slurping it down too, it's just become SUCH a habit and...well, I kind of realized it, but disregarded how scary until a few weeks ago, and WHAM, it just hit me.
I hope you deal okay. -
With all simplicity I believe that you are going to overcome this problem.Within yourself you know the way out.Now, I don´t want to concentrate on your problem.I want to concentrate on the SOLUTION.There is a SOLUTION for you NOW.In the Universe there is a Higher Power that can and want to overcome our weaknesses.You are stronger that what you think.You are loved more than you know and think you are.I see the way out.
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I feel for you... it is almost 3:00 PM and I am just waiting until 4 so I then can open my wine and proceed to get drunk for the evening. That makes it 'okay'. I usually drink 24/7 but now I am fooling myself that I can control it when in all honesty... what normy thinks about when 4 comes around so they can drink? My partner is an alcoholic and is actually in jail until the 27th... I am lonely... and so so sad...
You deserve so much happiness and I hope you find it but please, please, please know that you are not alone... in fact, your message made me aware of that.
I pray for you and everyone who is feeling alone... -
I am so impressed with you. Why? Because although you have lied to others, you do not lie to yourself.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Why not try an AA meeting? They are nonjudgemental and you can be yourself without giving your name.
You might be able to actually get to the place people think you are at through their support.
God bless you. You are in my prayers today. -
Darlin'
the only one your lying to is yourself. The people around you sense your alcoholism. Only you need to pull your self up and discuss truly why your hiding behind the bottle of denial..Your not fooling anyone. But yourself..
It took me two DUI'S a a few car wrecks to realize what a stupid a** I was..I had to come to the realization that I was hurting myself and others. What is it gonna take to wake you up? What is going to happen if you continue down this distructive path? SEEK HELP SOON!!! -
You can fool everyone else but in the end what's the point? Can you fool yourself? I will be praying for you, that you find the answers you seek. PEACE
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The first step to getting better is yours. And usually the hardest.
I put away a fifth of vodka (straight from the bottle) every day for about 6 months out of boredom back in 93. Then I just quit.
At my best, me and an ex drank for 24 hours straight. Rode home on my bike and slept for 3 solid days straight.
Last time I went to a bar to drink, I spent from opening to closing there and walked home sober. Total bar bill: $500 for just me. At 2.50 a drink (screwdrivers), that's a lot of drinks.
I haven't had a drop since then except for New Years of 02 when I had 4 ounces of champaign and got a buzz from it. -
wow, this is incredibly personal. thanks for sharing, and good luck in battling these demons. :)
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Change comes from within. When you're ready to quit, you will. Unfortunatley before you hit that point you could kill yourself. I have friends and family who struggle with alcohol addiction. I don't have any answers, but I will pray for you.
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That is exactly what I did and I've just made up my mind to quit. I hid it from my husband by only drinking in the wee hours, I wouldn't go to work until I was sober enough to drive (only working part time). I probably smelled but nobody commented. I held it all together for up until last summer then I think I got so depressed with my life (not the drinking part though) that I started drinking just that little bit more that caused people to notice. Please be careful and think about stopping or cuttting down (which I hope to be able in future to only have a couple of casual drinks with friends) because drinking alone escalates and you won't be able to "lie" forever. Best of luck.
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I feel for you. We all have our demons to battle. And we all lie at times. I got help when I stopped lying to myself, I stopped telling myself I was "OK" when I knew I wasn't. That was my first step to getting better. Good luck.
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what would happen if you really faced yourself and told
the truth to you about you? -
In the end game, the only one who really counts is YOU. When you suffer enough maybe you will try to get help (if you are not dead first).
I spent the better part of 20 yrs drunk and lieing to myself, but I found a bottom. Fired off a job that I was qualified and equuipped for. One DUI after another, Jail was what finally convinced me to get help. I checked myself into a drug and alochol treatment program in Oct of 82. Have not had a drink since.
I DID NOT QUIT DRINKING....I just won't have a drink today!!!
Quitting seemed too long term for me so ONE DAY AT A TIME. You can do the same thing..Good luck! -
Dear drinking liar,
i hope this may help you, if not, keep us involved. The next time you are about to open a bottle, ask it one question FIRST; first is the important part. BEFORE opening ask your friend to tell you what it has done for you. Really, it won’t laugh, save behind your back, or when you leave the room, or do something really messed. Well, it won’t laugh in your face, and what do you have to lose? You won’t lose a friend if they are truly your best friend. A long time ago i got a very expensive scotch to be my friend; it was my favorite. So long as it strayed sealed, there was a true friend on the table, and i even said,”Hi honey, how was your day?” when I came home. Oh, almost forgot there was an extra $50 in my purse everyday- drove me thank you. Anyway ask your friend then write it down. Write down everything good and bad, no censorship allowed. Now have a conversation about what it told you. This should not take very long. Now ask it to tell you HONESTLY what it has done for the real you, the one that hurts. Ask it to tell you why you hurt even though it promised you that if you gave it your heart you wouldn’t hurt. Open dialogue, and tell vodka that you do still hurt…bad. Be real honest, it doesn’t care what you say, and will not be hurt by you. Your obsessive love is all it demands. Have a real good talk, and keep a record; you are going to want to remember but will forget. This list will be precious later. Have a good cry, and AFTER you have options:
Drink
“Go to a meeting”
Call someone
Post your list
Pray
There are infinite possibilities here. Only you can choose; don’t tell me we can’t choose for you, and let your bottle choose. No, this must be your choice. If you choose to drink, tell someone you are choosing to, and when you will return. Keep your word and don’t hurt us too. Then you need to get your *** to a meeting, perhaps someone on E.P. can go with. You need to look again in the rooms, because there are real people there that will honestly love you until you do. Go see those ones.
slave.alex -
Dear drinking liar,
i hope this may help you, if not, keep us involved. The next time you are about to open a bottle, ask it one question FIRST; first is the important part. BEFORE opening ask your friend to tell you what it has done for you. Really, it won’t laugh, save behind your back, or when you leave the room, or do something really messed. Well, it won’t laugh in your face, and what do you have to lose? You won’t lose a friend if they are truly your best friend. A long time ago i got a very expensive scotch to be my friend; it was my favorite. So long as it strayed sealed, there was a true friend on the table, and i even said,”Hi honey, how was your day?” when I came home. Oh, almost forgot there was an extra $50 in my purse everyday- drove me thank you. Anyway ask your friend then write it down. Write down everything good and bad, no censorship allowed. Now have a conversation about what it told you. This should not take very long. Now ask it to tell you HONESTLY what it has done for the real you, the one that hurts. Ask it to tell you why you hurt even though it promised you that if you gave it your heart you wouldn’t hurt. Open dialogue, and tell vodka that you do still hurt…bad. Be real honest, it doesn’t care what you say, and will not be hurt by you. Your obsessive love is all it demands. Have a real good talk, and keep a record; you are going to want to remember but will forget. This list will be precious later. Have a good cry, and AFTER you have options:
Drink
“Go to a meeting”
Call someone
Post your list
Pray
There are infinite possibilities here. Only you can choose; don’t tell me we can’t choose for you, and let your bottle choose. No, this must be your choice. If you choose to drink, tell someone you are choosing to, and when you will return. Keep your word and don’t hurt us too. Then you need to get your *** to a meeting, perhaps someone on E.P. can go with. You need to look again in the rooms, because there are real people there that will honestly love you until you do. Go see those ones.
slave.alex -
Dear drinking liar,
i hope this may help you, if not, keep us involved. The next time you are about to open a bottle, ask it one question FIRST; first is the important part. BEFORE opening ask your friend to tell you what it has done for you. Really, it won’t laugh, save behind your back, or when you leave the room, or do something really messed. Well, it won’t laugh in your face, and what do you have to lose? You won’t lose a friend if they are truly your best friend. A long time ago i got a very expensive scotch to be my friend; it was my favorite. So long as it strayed sealed, there was a true friend on the table, and i even said,”Hi honey, how was your day?” when I came home. Oh, almost forgot there was an extra $50 in my purse everyday- drove me thank you. Anyway ask your friend then write it down. Write down everything good and bad, no censorship allowed. Now have a conversation about what it told you. This should not take very long. Now ask it to tell you HONESTLY what it has done for the real you, the one that hurts. Ask it to tell you why you hurt even though it promised you that if you gave it your heart you wouldn’t hurt. Open dialogue, and tell vodka that you do still hurt…bad. Be real honest, it doesn’t care what you say, and will not be hurt by you. Your obsessive love is all it demands. Have a real good talk, and keep a record; you are going to want to remember but will forget. This list will be precious later. Have a good cry, and AFTER you have options:
Drink
“Go to a meeting”
Call someone
Post your list
Pray
There are infinite possibilities here. Only you can choose; don’t tell me we can’t choose for you, and let your bottle choose. No, this must be your choice. If you choose to drink, tell someone you are choosing to, and when you will return. Keep your word and don’t hurt us too. Ehen you need to get your *** to a meeting, perhaps someone on E.P. can go with. You need to look again in the rooms, because there are real people there that will honestly love you until you do. Go see those ones.
slave.alex
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