i'm a liar and drinking

currently, i am a liar. i have two best friends who i live for, who i've never lied to, until recently. i lie to them and others, and tell them that i've gone 'straight-edge' and i haven't gotten drunk while i'm out in several months now. but it's only because i've started drinking so much while i'm alone. i'd say i drink about a handle and a half of vodka by myself in a week, but i'm too good at pretending like all is well. i've actually just got promoted to manager at my job and my therapist feels its only necessary that i see him once a month because of all my 'progress.' honestly, i know i'm looking pretty good on the outside these days, people are always complimenting me, and i'm just such a good faker-the mental institution, my therapist, my parents, my friends, my jobs, everyone thinks i'm alright with everything. i don't think they'd even believe how trashed i get the second i get home. i've actually gotten most of my friends to believe that i'm so busy with so many things, that that's why i'm never around or able to hang out, but it's really just that i'm drunk and can't leave my floor. every minute i'm not at work or in the company of others, i'm chugging. there's just this deep pain in my chest, incessant thoughts, and the inability to go to sleep. so i drink