I'm Drunk And I Hate Myself, And Everyone Around Me

I am 33, I have married and divorced twice. I have one beautiful daugther. I tried to give her siblings, but suffered infertility. Manny years of complete infertility, asnd then three miscarriages within the past year. My Daughter is 13.

 

I started drinking when I was a teen  I remember the first time I had alcohol. My Boss, Mark, said " Becky, you did a great job tonight, you want a beer?" I told hin i would like a rolling rock and a double shot of SoCo.  He gave it to me, I was only 15. From there on out, I equated doing a good job, being one of the guys, with getting a double shot and a beer. Once the guys saw that i could "drink" i got invited places. I ended my senior year as a party girl with 25 year olds. My best friend often questioned why i didnt smoke pot, I simply said that i was more comfortable drinking. I continued on that path for a while. And then it stopped, I met a man, he jumped in not knowing what i was into, he got rid of the influences i had, he took me to a completely sober level. i I stayed there for six years. Until I got fed up with his controlling being. And now that same man has control of my daughter, and I am locked out of her life, its hard knowing i dont have enough money to save my daughter from the bastard i decided to let put his penis in me!

 

 

bectaremcfly bectaremcfly
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 14, 2010

I'm 33 years old to,and my ex has convince my 8 yr old son I'm a monster soooooooo i feel your pain. I got 2 weeks sober & thats all I got to keep focus on GO BLESS U

Ok i feel your pain but think of the good you have done you had a daughter and she is the one you will leave behide as a memory of you in this world,we all feel trapped at some stage of are lives but some choice drugs others like yourself use alchol as away of being socialable,its just away of passing the time you have in life you sound like you had fun in your teens,even thou things seem bad this is you fighting backafter putting up with the person who you lovesd controlling you,so dont give up you may feel like you are locked out of her life but when the time comes she will come to you as you are her mother never forget that.