It Works For Me!

Once upon a time I was a nice guy, and it brought me a dozen failed relationships and LOTS of dry spells. So I decided to figure out why. I started reading various books on how to be an alpha male, and it completely changed my world. I finally found my my soul mate, we recently got engaged, and for the first time in my life, I KNOW I will be happily married forever.

All it took was a new personality.

It takes a while to truly understand what an alpha male actually is, and perhaps more important, what it is not. It has nothing to do with being a jerk. It's not being bossy or controlling. It doesn't mean you always get your way. (However, one side benefit is that you get all the sex you want.)

Here's my definition: an alpha male is a man who is engaged in life. He lives his day-to-day life actively and purposefully. He takes the effort to decide what he wants to do, and he proposes that plan to his woman. Amazingly, if you have found the right woman, she will go along enthusiastically and fall deeper in love each time.

Here's a sample conversation between a "nice guy" and his woman. Notice that the woman has to initiate the conversation:
Woman: What do you want to do for lunch?
Nice guy: Anything you want to do is fine with me.
The nice guy thinks he's winning brownie points by letting her decide, but the woman is irritated because he obviously doesn't care about her. He will not get laid tonight.

Here's a sample conversation between an alpha male and his woman.
Alpha male: We should grab some lunch. I've been thinking about tacos all morning. Do you want to go to Los Favoritas?
Woman: Sure, that sounds great!
The alpha male just scored huge points for being engaged in life. Now he owns her. She is his play toy for the rest of the day. Seriously.

Being an alpha male is not easy. You constantly have to be thinking and planning ahead. It can be exhausting, and you CANNOT take a break. You need a plan for dinner (what restaurant, or what she should cook), exercise, evening entertainment (even if it's just snuggling on the couch and watching the TV show you pick), the weekend, vacations, and so on.

You MUST consider her needs, limitations, wants, likes, and dislikes in every decision. If she hates Mexican food, you might need to find a restaurant that has good Mexican dishes for you and good American food for her. You must choose something that makes you both happy. If you hate it, you've reverted to a nice guy. If she hates it, you've become a jerk. Neither one is an alpha male. So you not only have to make all the decisions, you have to make them correctly.

And there are other things. You have to take care of her. You drive. You hold the door. You hold the tickets. You make sure she's warm enough. If she loses her keys, you help her find them. Her well-being is your responsibility.

It's a lot of work, but it's totally worth it because she is always happy and will do practically anything to make you happy.
jzcjca00 jzcjca00
56-60, M
5 Responses May 16, 2012

Alpha male with good points and if there is money and skillful in bed then that is good

Mmmmmmmmm good reading ,heres my 10p worth,i am an alpha if you will ,to be a proper alpha you have to be senstive careing and empathetic...aswell as intelligence to be a leader, Myself i am a youthworker and i have a loving caring personality...along with this i dont take no sh#t im very protective ,forcefull and i get my own way and if my way considers others and keeps them happy then all good ,,oh and to all the betas stop trying so hard,Funny to watch!

Yes! Nailed it

i like your point,i like when a man has his opinion and leads from time to time(not always ok).when you can feel you have a good,stable and determined man to stand his grounds and confront when need it.it gives a feeling of security and care.well not that i obey but i like to feel the power as is should naturally be between man and a women.

A good story. Do be aware that what you are talking about is not alpha behavior. It is simply having a plan, and some confidence, along with some playful attention. That is good and healthy. <br />
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You will find many and various definitions of 'alpha male' because it is a powerful idea used to sell books and products. As with any philosophy, being aware of its roots, and it's eventual results. The pushing idea behind it is simple dominance. If you glue yourself tightly to this idea, you will find the world a hard place to live in. As soon as you hit bumps in the road in your relationship, if you respond by using dominance to control the situation, you will very quickly escalate it into a situation that involves yelling, screaming, and violence. <br />
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When you adapt a worldview you need to be aware of what it will do for you when the circumstances of the world. A good example is true alpha behavior, easily recognized in the fundamentalist wings of the morman church. The men have many women, keep order through violence and abuse. That is what it is in the animal kingdom, and that is what you can end up becoming if you emulate the model. <br />
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For humans, 'alpha male' is behavior. "Alpha Male" is a brand name to sell you limp **** pills. <br />
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Do be a confident, planning, and assertive man. Don't be a ****. And, to avoid getting yourself confused with abusive jerks, don't call yourself alpha male, it advertises frailty and weakness. <br />
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Just be confident and think ahead.

While I do see your point, I rather prefer the anthropological term for the alpha leader (can be male of female depending on the species, but we are of course talking about humans.) I most do agree that they stick "Alpha" and "Dominance" for selling what ever book, view or pill. But a true Alpha Dominant is one who seeks other dominant people to place under himself. A stereotypical example of the popular high school quarterback being the leader of his team. Not all dominants seek to be alpha, nor do the rest always seek to to follow an alpha, many may be loners. It is as you say, just another modern buzz word to sell you something.

I call that assembling a good team that will view you as a leader. I intensely dislike tagging those kinds of words to everyday, basic bread and butter good leadership. When you start making dominance the basis of leadership, you create an abusive dynamic for all involved. Ever had a boss that preferred to communicate by using dominant body language and vocabulary? You will notice that your respect for them evaporates instantly. That is because he bought into alpha male theology. He probably even has the books at home. Whenever I see that kind of behavior, my thought is weak sauce, can't motivate, can't get the job done because all they do is inspire disrespect. If you or anyone who works under you espouses this philosophy, expect trouble, as 'alpha' philosophy requires him to challenge you. Ruling by dominance in romantic relationships or friendships, or work relationships is foolishness at best. The only situation that calls for ruling by dominance is when you are dealing with someone who is physically challenging you, or, say, is being careless in a way that will get someone hurt, and you REALLY need them to remember. Outside of that, all it does is create useless disrespect and pathways to justifying abusive behavior.

You are so smart:O

I appreciate your feedback. We've only been together for six months, and I'm still constantly learning new stuff about being an alpha male -- what works, what doesn't, when to push, when to back off. I've been exploring recently the idea of teasing. Yesterday she was in the walk-in closet, getting ready to go out, so I closed the closet door and shut off the light. I only kept her in there for about five seconds, but she always responds very well to that kind of playful attention.<br />
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The biggest challenge for me has been the transition from scarcity to abundance in bed. It's like someone who's been starving all his life suddenly having unlimited food. After a few months of pigging out you finally learn to say "not now" for the first time in your life.

May I be completely honest towards you? You sound like one of those guy's who has been reading a few too many pickup artist books. What you are writing quite literally is the base line for what they tell men, and also how to woo women. A few years have passed, but the way you talk about yourself. It makes me cringe.

A real 'alpha' leader is someone who simply is like that by nature. He doesn't have to do anything about it, really an alpha can be a typical "nice guy". I have a strong personality, I don't take bullshit for granted and I tend to make friends everywhere I go. How did I find out that I have an alpha personality? The only people that have trouble with me are other alpha personalities. From when I was young it always was a hate/love relationship with those people.

"All it took was a new personality."

As someone who is quite good at reading people. This one sentence makes you a fake, a fraud and someone who is trying to be someone he is not. Maybe you simply needed a boost of confidence, maybe you were an alpha in the shadows. Do you want to know what is a good sign for people who are real alpha's? See how they naturally act around dogs. Dogs see natural leaders right away. A real alpha knows how to show authority without using words or force.

The other side to this is that you already were like you are acting right now, but you simply didn't know how to behave. A new personality might have been a wrong choice of words then, because you can't take a new personality unless you already weren't using your own.