I have been an above knee amputee for three years now. Though it was my decision to be an amputee I never really knew how hard it would be. I have been through soo very very much in my life so i figured this would be just another hurdle. In many ways I have kept my true self. To others I seem strong. I am strong. Yet so very weak at the same. Noone ever talks about the socket fittings. Noone ever discusses what happens when you lose or gain weight and they effects that have with the fitting. I have been in a lanyard, suction, and lock and pin. I am currently being fitted for skin suction. Nothing seems to work! I keep all this bottled up for the most part. Go through the days with a smile on my face. Walk with my head high. Because if i don't others will not be comfortable around me. Others will look at me different. i have found that as long as i walk with my head high noone will think twice about my fake leg. I have engaged in healthy and unhealthy relationships after my amputation. I can honestly say that I do not believe this has effected my love life. I don't let it! At least not at first. But once I am comfortable with someone my doubts start to show. Then i move on. I am afraid of anyone seeing the pain that lies inside me. I do not want to be weak....to anyone! Or allow anyone to see it. i do not know how to get past this. I am looked at as the strongest person alot of people know. I try to keep that up. But just as everyone else...when I am alone....i get weak. I get sickened at how my leg looks. How i walk. How I hurt. I do not know if i will ever really let anothet truly in. I do not know if i really too. I'd much rather be.."the woman who got away".....then the woman who is hurt and broken.
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

You are always strong...can we be friends...