Finding Love After Becoming a Amputee

In my own mind i think i will be alone for the rest of my life now that im a amputee and divorced.... i dont want to be alone but i cant see why anyone would ever want to be with me now.... i dont like looking at myself so why would anyone wanna look at me.

Has any of you that read this found love after becoming a amputee? please share your story with me im very interested to see your answers .

Traceyx Traceyx
41-45, F
30 Responses Sep 28, 2009

I am not an amputee and can in no way compare myself to an amputee but sometime I feel like I am missing a part of myself from past hurts so I am able to identify in some sense the feeling of loss or not feeling anyone could see beauty where you do not. I have been a nurse for 8 years and I never saw amputees as different in anyway. I found them attractive as I would a non-amputee; in-fact I found them more attractive for their strength. I am about to start a new journey in my life and I would date; or marry an amputee. I think after being a nurse for so long I no longer see the surface of the person but the soul that provides the energy to the surface.

I wanted to give my input and let you know you are lovable and beautiful from inside out. I am not an amputee but I they are more than lovable and exceptionally beautiful.

You so tottaly took the words out of my mouth you couldn't have written what I wanted to say any better thank you

I became an AK at 15. I never considered that I wouldn't find love. I married, had two kids ( one is a jet pilot in the marines, the other is a teacher). I taught school full- time and divorced after nineteen years of marriage. Our issues had nothing to do with my amputation but everything to do with work stress on his part and poor communication on both our parts.
I've been divorced for several years and for the first time in over 19 years was thrust into the dating scene. I've come to learn that being an amputee can be a real mind ?!#%. It really is our self-confidence or lack thereof which affects how open we are to relationship. When I catch myself sinking mentally, I remind myself that no one can bring my exact gifts to the world and that I'm truly unique (as is everyone else). When my head is on right, men are drawn to me. When I'm down, I close myself off.
I've had a few relationships in the years since my divorce. I find I'm attracting men who are better and better for me. I guess for me it's a process.
Wow! Sorry for being so wordy. This "set-back" will make you tougher than ever. I hope you'll remind yourself of how beautiful and what a gift you are every day. xoxo

When the right person comes into your life, you will know! YES, there is life and love after ampution! My lovely wife is an arm amputee since 3 y/o, when we met, I diden't notice how many arms or legs she had and I diden't/don't care! She's the most amazing women I've ever met!!!!!

I have this same problem , not because I don't like looking at myself , because of an experience I had. I joined an amputee dating website and was bombarded by these people called "Devotees" . It was very disturbing. There are people who are turned on by the whole amputee thing. So now I want to know how I can truly know if the person wants me for me or are they into the missing limb thing. I wish I never learned about it because it has seriously messed me up.

I think you have to trust your gut. Good luck to you.

Hey...there are still a lot people who want to have a true and deep relationship with amputees...even I'm finding a girl to have a true relationship..if you believe me..we can go further..

I met a guy just recently whos a recent above knee amputee. We met and hit it off right away. Had amazing chemistry and instant attraction. I didn't actually realize until a while into our encounter that he had this predicament. It all happened all so quickly and was absolutely swept away by him. Wed spend hours on end talking and across from me id see this guy that I'm completely captivated by and id completely forgotten about his state until hed get up. I'm 26 am educated, ambitious and have always had allot of men chasing me. Ive always had almost unachievable standards when it comes to men and I am really sorry if I offend anyone on here but for the sake of painting a clear picture, I've always had very attractive, fit and successful boyfriends. My last boyfriend exactly fit that description however turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive after id moved in with him. Ive since been shut off from men for almost 18 months and look for personality and emotional compatibility and matutity first now. It was so strange because Ive never met an amputee before nor in a million years thought that id be asking love advise about one. But for some reason it didnt bother me with this guy. Last night for the first time I saw him take his prosthetic off and I stayed over.....he was extremely self conscious and begun acting really strange and defensive. To a point where I was genuinely concerned. Now he suffers from anxiety and has been a soldier serving abroad for 9 years so I'm not sure if his behavior came from his personality itself or from extreme anxiety revealing his amputation for the first time. Hes only lost hes legs 2 years ago and is 33 so hes had a whole life to adjust as a regular guy. He constantly comments on how he cannot fathom how he got this far with me and constantly comments on how I am the most beautiful woman hes ever met and that hes never felt this way about anyone before. I am struggling to tell whether the unusual behavior comes from his personality or the new life he's had to adapt to. The thing is and truth be told I do feel a little strange about getting physically involved with him but only because its so far from anything ive been used to...However I really care about him and am ultra conscious to treat him like I would anyone else because he is...he's personality, heart and everything else about him is the most amazing thing ive ever come across. Im comoletely besotted by him. But I have no idea how to treat the situation. Does it sound like its his personality that's causing this unusual behavior or the condition? Because if its the condition id be more then willing to support him through the discomfort and be there for him emotionally and pursue an intinate relationship with him wherever it may lead us. However if its a personality disorder outside of the condition and he is genuinely like that I feel likei deserve to know because I dont want to go through the same trauma as with my ex. How do I approach this without hurting his feelings and making him feel abnormal because I dont see him any different to anyother guy I see him as a beautiful soul who I could see myself falling in love with

I really think it would take a therapist to know for sure whether it's his time of service to our country, the amputation or his personality that's holding him back when it comes to feeling genuinely relaxed with you. Some people have very high standards. Having been in the military, he was very fit before the amputation. It may be hard for him to believe you'll accept what he sees as his imperfections.

Also, no matter what the case, anyone interested in anyone has some motive - the person who is our love interest is meeting one or more of our needs. Do you really see him or are you rescuing him? Also, he doesn't seem very comfortable with himself right now. The question is: will he allow himself to let you get close? Taking his legs off was a start - albeit somewhat uncomfortable.

Back in the 80's, I had a date with a guy I had been seeing for a little while. He had made me dinner at his place. Later in the evening, my prosthetic leg started bothering me so I took it off. I recall us sitting on his couch watching a scary movie (I'm convinced he showed me that particular movie so that I'd cling to him in the scary parts lol) We were so comfortable with each other that at one point I realized that his hand had moved up my empty pant leg and he was touching my residual limb! It felt so natural. It was almost funny, but I swear he wasn't really conscious of it - he just was being close. I'm sure you're thinking, "Yeah, right." This is the man I eventually married as I always felt beautiful to him with or without the leg. Furthermore, he wasn't overly helpful or enabling in the area of my disability. In fact, when I look back at our 19 year marriage, I probably should have asked for help a lot more than I did.

I think part of being in a relationship is about us taking our masks off and being vulnerable.

I'm a little late on the subject lol 5 years late, but in any case... I've just fallen madly in love with an amputee... Just his smile makes my heart race, he's the most genuine man I've ever come across. Although he's very self conscious of all of his scars and his stump, I love every piece of him, every scar, every movement, every second. So to answer your question, love is very possible. You're just waiting for your perfect match

this is not true you can do anything you want to im in the same boat where are you from me Chicago

that's not true I am a double amputee also several fingers and one thumb. I walk now and do most things any one else can do. I Felt the same way but I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. If people see you differently y
that's ok but the feeling in your heart never goes away .

Hey...I like to be a good man and I'm finding for a relationship with an amputee women..if you believe me..we can go further..

I lost both legs as a 9 month old baby. that was 39 yrs ago. when I was a teen I had no problem getting girlfriends. I have 2 kids from my teen yrs. but as the world has changed so much. I get overlooked. I feel exactly the same as you do. im alone and it hurts....people need to look inside not outwards

First of all I like that this story is still here after four years. I have been an amputee since I was a teen. I'm male now 44. I was still a virgin when I lost my leg to a motorcycle accident. It takes me a while to trust someone to go to bed with. I have been with women and have made two children from one woman that I raise and they live with me. I have everything, house, cars......what I can't figure out is how to use this disability and government funding to improve my life.
Sex and stuff like that I really haven't gone without. Get ahold of me on here I'd like to hear how this turned out for you.

i want to marry an amputee any of you intrested please contact me...i m from facebook id is Devan any of you intrested please let me know..i will sure marry you..i want a girl who is between 18-22 ages

I mostly date active duty military and veteran men so I realized long ago that there was a possibility I'd meet a man with an amputation and be interested. Well, it finally happened. I'm actually shocked at how little it matters to me. I am a bit worried about the possibility of phantom pain as I've heard that is really horrible. Otherwise, I think I'm good to go.
That said, I'm 41, have an invisible disability (due to a chronic health issue) myself, and was previously unhappily married to an able-bodied man with ADD, depression, and anxiety. I actually didn't expect to be interested in dating anyone at all right now because my health issues are definitely not bringing sexy back. So, I think this guy is pretty special.
Is there a way to tell a great guy with the above knee amputation that I don't see him as less?

No need to tell him unless the question comes up. Just see him- all of him. He\'s so much more than the amputation.

Hi, Im an Asian and im a young above-knee amputee. First of all, i would like to let you know that you are not alone. Your story is very similar with mine. I once had a 2-month relationship with a guy who is younger than me by a year exactly ( almost same bday but different year). We broke off after his parents does not support our relationship. But i could fully understand the feeling. Im very contented to have this relationship and i will always remember this for the rest of my life. We amputees certainly are very sensitive of remarks from people around us. Especially im leaving in an Asian country (Singapore). I tend to get nasty stares from passer-bys, those very narrow-minded people (which unfortunately is what i got from them frequently). After 10 years of struggling from people hurtful remarks and stares, i began to tell myself that im stronger than them cos what i went through in the past is priceless and not everyone in this world can get to have this "physical adversity". So, we are very unique and special and hence very strong-type people.

Though i just saw your post which has been put up for more than three years...nevertheless, no matter what you are going through, is what im exactly going through as well. But in the end, always remind yourself to survive cos in the future, there will be amputees with different social and cultural backgrounds who need inspirations from us :)

Winnie (Singapore)

can i marry you?

Sorry, I have all redy been married for 30 years.

Hey Winnie..your story was really inspiring..keep moving..I'm from malaysia..I'm looking for amputee girls to get married...if you still single..plz let me know..we are neighbours btw..

hey cheer up! i know exactly how you're feeling. i recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend of 8 years. i found out she cheated on me but i stayed with her because i didnt believe anyone else would love me. i was ashamed for awhile hiding the fact that i was an amputee up until i came across this one special girl. we're dating at the moment but she accepted me for who i am and didnt think twice that i was an amputee. i know its not love but hey, its a start right? =] hope you find that special someone!

hey im 19, had a car accident nearly 12 months ago which led to an above knee amputation, ive been with my girlfriend for 2 years, at first i was really worried how my partner and others would judge me, if i would lose friends from not being able to do as much or just from being "different, i did lose some friends but was for the best they're not friends... i go motorbike riding, go out drinking, do most things i use to just not as fast.. I was really down on life for a few months and it still gets to me occasionally but it seemed the more down and uncomfortable i was with myself the more shy and uncomfortable others were towards me but as i started realizing it is forever but not the worst thing in the world, im still me and the more comfortable and positive i was the more others were with me, most of the time people don't realize unless it comes up in conversation, and it doesnt seem to make a difference they seem just respect me more. i've even been asking out with them knowing about my leg, so think positive being down with yourself will get you nowhere just makes things worse a whole lot worse, just because you havent found somone now doesnt mean you wont theres somebody for everyone all shapes and sizes! so goodluck youlll get through it :)

i want to marry a amputee woman the age from 18-21 im from malaysia and i m 21

HI!!!! If an older guy can add his two cents worth of advice. First, you have to learn to like yourself. You are the same person you were before you lost your limb. You have to give yourself permission to like you, not what you look like. If you like you, others will catch the spirit and like you too. Secondly, the emotional hurt will always be there. Time is a great healer. The more time passes, the more comfortable you will be as a person with a limb loss. The pain gets easier to handle over time. Third, there will always be people who will try to define you by your limb loss. They are shallow and immature. They will never get past the limb loss. That is all they will ever see. They will never see the person inside. They will miss out on what you have to offer. Remember, that being an amputee is not the total sum of who you are. You have an amputation. You are not the amputation. You are still you. You have the same likes and dislikes as before. Finally, dismiss those who don't understand why you are just not getting over it. That doesn't mean you are entitled to a pity party. You are grieving though, and you need to complete the process before you can move on. You are grieving for a limb lost and a lifestyle that has been changed. Take you time to deal with the enormity of it all. But, remember that you still have the rest of your life to live and that includes seeing many more sunsets, smelling roses, and having fun and not feeling guilty about it.<br />
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Just a little about myself. I am widowed 4 years. My wife was an amputee. She was an amputee when I married her. I married her because we had a lot of the same likes and she was just plain fun to be with. It was a little intimidating at first, too be honest, but I learned to relax because she never let it be an issue. It didn't stop her from doing everything including to having our daughter. My biggest fear was of hurting her of doing something that would cause her to get hurt. After I got past that, her limb loss was a normal part of our lives. As I said, after 14 years on marriage, I am now widowed. I know a little about the grieving process. It took me a good three years to get beyond my wife's death. Am I over it? No, i just learned to deal with it. I have lost friends over this and gained many new friends. I wish you the best of luck and that life brings to you all that you seek. Take care.

I have been an amputee for over 10 years and yet to find someone who will look beyond my amputation

Most men I meet look past any amp you may have.

Thanks for the encouragement

iam male 32 below knee amputee been rejected by female beacause of my physical flows, it is been hard for me involving in any relation , it is so easy for someone not amputee to say it is ok i do need to speak to some one who is amputee and has a positive relation

Then she's not good enough for you.

I currently date an amputee. He lost his right leg above the knee and the other is fused completely knee. He gets around well, or as well as he can now at the age of 56. He has lived 34 years of his life this way. It was a near fatal car accident at the age of 22. He had a brilliant professional career ahead of him, and despite his accident, made something of himself. He has had tons of relationships in the past 34 years (post accident), and talks about all most of them as though they were regrets...with the exception of one. He has never married, has no children, and I fear that his insecurities about his condition has prevented him from committing to marriage. Soon, I may become another one of the statistics if he doesn't cut his **** out. There seems to be a strange barrier between us at times, as though he's locked himself up inside of himself. I see it as his form of self-preservation, something that he's conditioned himself to do. This could very well be the fact that he has to take so many pills to keep himself going throughout the day, the demands of his profession, and the tremendous toll the obligations to his family and their financial position has taken on him. He talks down about himself a lot, and this lack of confidence in himself makes me feel bad. I cannot fix his perception of himself. I am at a loss. He has used the word disheartened to describe his feelings about things at one point. He worried about the first time I saw his bare leg, and stump of the other. Honestly, I didn't realize how bad it was. Was I a little creeped out? Sure, but got over it very quickly, like the flash of a car that sped through a red light. I believe he even said something to me like, "I don't deserve you". That made me very sad because, I cannot help him stop feeling this way. He is late to almost every place we go. Almost always has problems with his prostesis, and suffers from hyperhidrosis. I fell in love with this man many years ago, but he never knew it. We met up again in March, and began dating in April or May. He expressed that his past relationships were disappointing and he suspected on a few occasions, that he was being cheated on. At one point, he hinted that perhaps I was doing that one Friday evening when I was out with a girlfriend. His jealousy rang through in a nasty text, and voice mail. I worry that his insecurities about himself and his condition will tear us far apart. I fear that he will push me away, rather it be purposefully or unintentionally through his casual disregard and inconsideration of me. "I'll call you back in a few minutes" turns into hours, sometimes into the the next day. This makes me sad. I fear that his independability will cause me to have to leave him. There are so many things he would like to do, but lacks the energy, motivation and drive...then, he's disappointed in himself. It's a freaking vicious cycle! I had hoped that I could enrich his life instead of causing him one more bit of grief. I fell in love with the man, his mind, his heart and soul...not his legs. I wish he could live in the moment and let me into his heart. You will find love, and when you do, don't close the door on it...let it in.

Tracey-I will be going in for a BTK right leg amputation within the next month or so. I just started dating this wonderful guy in December and I told him about it all. He told me that anyone who would date someone for their limbs is shallow and selfish. If you love someone and truly care for them, their limbs don't matter. Believe me, I understand what you're going through. I told my therapist that no one would ever love me and the thought of taking my leg off at night to sleep with my husband disgusted me. BUT, its better than being six feet under and thats the way I look at it. I also have a 3 year old that helps me look at things a little differently as well. Anyways, all you have to do is talk to people, get yourself out there, THEN tell them and see how they react. If they stop talking to you, they weren't worth it in the first place. Good luck on your journey. :)

I mostly agree with you about getting out there. I've found that I usually don't tell them. I just give the guys time to watch from a distance. After a while some of them want to get to know me. They've figured out by now that something's up with my leg and if we get close enough, we may talk about it. I was divorced 5 years ago after a long term marriage. The leg had nothing to do with the divorce. We met, in fact, when I was on crutches in a singles group. He never noticed the missing leg but thought I had broken or sprained my foot. All was very natural and comfortable in that area of my life. I never thought he was just into the amputation but was into me and made me feel gorgeous all the time. His cop career is what took a toll on our marriage. Too bad. Anyways, just for the record, I have never had an issue with taking the leg off to sleep with my husband when I was married. I'm not very patient with queasy guys so if one gives me the impression he needs time to get used to it, I cut him loose. Maybe I should be more understanding :)

hey cmon cheer up...i think i may be of help...interested??

I felt the same way after I got divorced. I had been married for 15 years and lost my leg 5 years into our marriage. After being married so long the whole dating thing was scary anyway and the absence of my leg didn't help matters. I met a lot of jerks out there but all that did was help to weed out the shallow insensitive men who wanted a "perfect" woman. I got re-married 19 months after my divorce to the most wonderful man. He told me that my disability does'nt change who I am and does'nt make me any less of a person. He loves me for me. You have to change your attitude. You are who you are and you are a very unique and wonderful person. There is noone else out there like you. If someone has a problem with your "disability" then move on. You will find someone who will truly love you for you. That person IS out there.

positive thoughts tracey positive thoughts losing my leg had no effect on my ability to love,beloved,or to make love. take heart dearest

I am a double upper amputee and I have been on the search actually met someone here from EP. And if you have a positive attitude you will be fine.......

thank you all for your kind words

I'm not an amputee either but I don't care about someone's physical flaws. I love someone for who they are and how they treat me. Because you've been through such a hardship, I actually have even more respect for you. There are open-minded people out there, you just have to find them, or, you never know, they may find you!

i am not a amputee, but if i loved someone i KNOW it wouldn't make a difference if the person i was meant to be with was or not. i would def love someone weather or not they were the same as me.

don't think that way...there r many ppl who can look past the absence of a limb and see the true person. the 1st step is 2 present a positive attitude. ppl will notice that about u. there r those who cant get past the absence of a limb, but thats their problem.<br />
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btw, yes i have!