Pre-amp Depression Compounded By Recent Amputations.

Hi, i was just in the hospital from 11/13/09-12/31/2009. Went in for kidney stone pain, which progressed to septic shock, which eneded up in LBKA and R transmetatarsal. Since i got out of the hospital, i have had recurrent infections in my stump which have prevented me from learning how to use prosthesis. The one week i did wear my prosthesis was horrible, the stump would shrink and make "farting" sounds, the prosthesis would fall off, and sometimes it would not go on cuz the stump was too swollen! I also need to get surgery on my uterus, got that all in order, then heard the surgeon that was going to do the surgery was awful and to cancel the surgery. So now i have to find another obgyn, go through all of the exams, hospital preadmissions testing etc. Another setback. Meanwhile I am dead broke, have been borrowing money left and right to survive, haven't been paying any medical bills etc. I live with my boyfriend that has known me since before the amputations. He and his family are at the end of their rope because all i do all day is sleep, cry, go to the bathroom. i am thinking moving out would be the best thing. I really don't want to be alone either. i was severely depressed prior to all this happening (have been dealing with depression since my teens now I'm 35). Now i am at a point so low in my life that i no longer know where to turn to for support since nobody i am close with (boyfriend, his family, my dad) give a damn about even saying hello to me anymore. I am completely isolated, ignored all because I am not trying to "help myself". Nobody sees however all the doctors appts I've been going to just to get me to recover, all the prosthetist visits, etc. And most of those visits were by myself cuz everyone i know works. there is a complete lack of psychiatric ressources in my area. I'm thinking of going inpatient, but i have been inpatient before many times and the minute i get inside i want to get out asap!! Those are scary places offering very little assistance save that of medicating you. i really wish they had not rescucitated me. This is no way to live, confined to the house, confined to a wheelchair, crying, hating life, hoping and praying for another chance at death.

bluepoo52 bluepoo52
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 27, 2010

we share some things in common,(i am male,61yrs, old)- i.e. lack of friends, dr. or hospital visits alone, being poor. i have empysema and hep c. am on oxygen 24/7, need help in shower and with household chores i,e, laundry,get mail,vacaum. i can't take hep c cure because doctors say it will give me a heart attack and comprise my breathing further. i have faced death several times and feel,even through listed and other conditions( message me and would be happy to talk back and forth with you), that vlife is worth living! please also know that some men find amputees very attractive an that i am one of them! hope to hear from you at pwilson48@austin.rr.com thanks pw

we share some things in common,(i am male,61yrs, old)- i.e. lack of friends, dr. or hospital visits alone, being poor. i have empysema and hep c. am on oxygen 24/7, need help in shower and with household chores i,e, laundry,get mail,vacaum. i can't take hep c cure because doctors say it will give me a heart attack and comprise my breathing further. i have faced death several times and feel,even through listed and other conditions( message me and would be happy to talk back and forth with you), that vlife is worth living! please also know that some men find amputees very attractive an that i am one of them! hope to hear from you at pwilson48@austin.rr.com thanks pw

sorry to hear about all u r dealing with. but hang in there and put forth the effort 2 make things better...dont give up!