Musings On a New Era
I was thinking about being an anarchist and trying to make real ******* social change in this country and about how hard it is when you're also trying to heal yourself. And about how this is the first time in my life when I've looked at how honestly I am really strange and kind of ****** up and I'm doing all these things that most people would think are not okay. But to me they feel okay, and I keep checking in with myself about them, and they keep feeling okay.
Maybe we're all just trying to get by, but we pretend like we're smashing the state or making positive social change or really changing the world, so we can be in the cool kid's club. I feel like I have held on to the idea that there are fundamental wrongs in the world, and that I have a duty to fight against them, even though I am fighting a losing battle. That's why it got so hard to be an activist, because I was always fighting a losing battle. We're all too busy now riding bikes and having dance parties and holing up in our little coop houses making funny folk art to continue fighting. We didn't forget we have something we need to fight against. We just all feel like we're losing.
I was thinking that maybe most people don't actually think that way, that most people never thought there was a battle to begin with. I forget that most disenfranchised twenty something year old punks arent all activists to begin with. Like people care, but spend more time healing themselves or making art or creating community and aren't really interested in the fact that there are injustices in the world or don't see how they are their injustices to fight. I get caught up in being queer and trans and making art and trying to find cute people to kiss and my relationship drama and working on painting the walls of my room or whatever else myself. It's just that I regret every day that I'm not doing anything that I feel will make a long term, positive impact. Nothing I'm doing will help bring our social system down, nothing is ending gentrification, nothing is ending war, nothing is confronting racism head - on, nothing is stopping animals from being tortured in test labs or old growth trees from being cut. Nothing I'm doing is helping eradicate sweatshops or ending bilateral trade agreements or acting out for queers or new immigrants or indigenous peoples or urban people of color. I live in a really radical neighborhood in a major metropolitan area in the United States, why is it so hard to find groups that are doing these things? Why are we all so busy creating our own beautiful but useless culture that will be obsolete in 10 years that we can't remember to be activists?
I want to hear other people's thoughts on this and get a sense of if I am compeltely off base with my thoughts.