My Story

 restriction I was always uncomfortable in my own skin. I was always bigger than all of my friends. I was never obese but overweight at some point yes. I was always on the verge, at least 5 pounds from being clinically overweight. It really start to get to me when I was younger and into high school when I started going to school with boys and I became much more aware of myself. I tried the Junior year of high school to lose weight and was successful in losing about 10 pounds for so but I quickly gained it all back and about a couple pounds more. I was very frustrated with myself and it took me a long while to finally accept ***. Then the senior year of high school i joined cross country in an attempt to lose the weight but not make it so obvious. I ended up gaining about another 5 pounds because I ate whatever I wanted and the exercise  was not enough. Then after Christmas break I promised myself that enough was enough and I was finally going to change it. So i started exercising about three times a week and eating healthfully. Then I started cutting out things out of my diet. no sweets, no white bread, and so on. Then the exercise increased as well. I started doing 5 days and higher pace and then I started getting up at 4:30 in the morning before school and going to the gym. I became so obsessed that some days I spent 3 hours or more, twice a day at the gym. I cut down my food intake to about 500 calories a day and I made sure that I burned off everything that I was eating. I lost weight rapidly, and my parents started worrying , it then became a game to me. I was about 10 pounds underweight and my parents decided that I needed to spend my summer in the hospital to regain the weight. THis was all fine and dandy and I did gain the weight back and in the fall I started college. The first week of school i unexpectedly lost 5 pounds, not trying just out of the amount of walking around and what not that we had been doing. The doctor told me that if I didn't gain it back that they were going to have to tell me to leave. So I became panicked, and I started to binge eat to gain it back. I  wanted to be there and I didn't want to leave. THis was fine until I realized that the weight kept coming and I didn't know exactly how to stop it. This scared me more than anything. I started gaining weight and then there would be period of    and then inevitably i would start to gain again. I lost control and now I started a couple of weeks ago like really eating healthy and going to the gym everyday and then I binged again and for a couple of days now i have been bingeing andI don't know how to stop this cycle. How can I lose these extra 15 pounds!!!!!!!!! I keep going through this cycle of feeling like everything is going to be okay and then everything sucking. 

soccrluvr soccrluvr
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I can relate to all of these stories. For me, everything started as a weight loss goal to look good. But then it became my life when I was separated from my friends in middle school. Since then, I was always alone. Everyday at lunch, I spent the period sitting in a corner looking at the wall. Most of the time I would look up to prevent tears running down my face. I was so depressed. My only relief was excercise, and dieting. I became so obsessed that I refused to eat almost anything. I even fought with my parents and said terrible things. I only came down to 87 lbs. Now I go to therapy and try to eat better. Everything was going fine until I began to panic. Then I quit trying to eat more. Then on christmas, there was lots and lots of chocolate, sugar cookies, cakes. Suddenly began eating them. But mostly chocolate. I began eating bars, the full bags of 30 chocolates!!!. This made me sick and panicked. To try to make me feel better I would use laxatives, which just cause me cramps. Suddenly I became obsessed with chocolate. I even go to stores and pharmacies to steal bags and bars of chocolate. I can't control myself!!. I eat two whole bars in less than ten minutes!!. I always promise that I'm going to stop. But I keep doing it. I don't know what to do!!. How can I stop stealing chocolate, and eat an entire bag/ bar?!. I don't like this!. It makes me feel sick but I can't stop. Please help me. I just want a normal life and be happy. I want to stop hurting myself 😫!.

im almost exactly the same way minus the hospital part. it all started one day after fasting i was so hungry i just kept eating and eating and eating even though i was full i just missed food soooo much. so i was at about 4500 cals by the end of the day <br />
but now ill either fast of binge and usually its binge and there whole day binges of a out 3000 something cals. i wanna go back to ana i wanna loose the weight (i have 15 pounds to loose also) but now all i do is binge eat.