Post Deployment

I've been having a few issues ever since my soldier returned from his first deployment a few months ago, and just needed another person's point of view on it or some sort of advice what to do because as much as I love my boyfriend, all the changes are becoming to really bother me. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and half and have known each other for about three years. Before the deployment we talked about getting engaged, getting married and then finally settling down together wherever he ended up..but now that things are a little different with him it's been pretty difficult to continue thinking we're going to have a future together and that upsets me because I couldn't imagine my life without him. The post deployment issues I've been dealing with are him getting extremely angry/irritated easily at a moments notice.. and it can even be over the dumbest things. He's also become extremely jealous, which yes I know it's probably because of the distance because we've obviously live away from each other, and recently he's becoming very controlling. When I go out to he bars with girlfriends he throws little fits about me being out, or just gets irritated whenever I talk to my best guy friends that I've grown up with. I show him so much love and affection when I'm with him and even when we're not there's constant communication. I feel like there's no trust from him and there should be no reason for it, I've shown him nothing but faithfulness. Him and I are very open with each other and have discussed these problems and I know they're not going to cure themselves over night, but I still feel like he's not trying. Of course I don't know what he's gone through while being deployed and I understand. I've given him space, I've let him vent anytime he wants and I just feel like it's not helping. I'm honestly feeling drained from this relationship. I know I'm never going to get the same person back ever, and I understand..but things cannot continue like this. Thanks, I would love any feedback! (:
LLutzow0703 LLutzow0703
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Exactly! He really doesnt know what i went through while he was deployed. I literally pushed everyone away and didnt go out or anything, I kept myself busy with work. Im just hoping a second discussion makes things better!

I think that's what I'm going to end up doing again and now it will be in person, because he's going to be home for the holidays. I've probably brought up multiple times that if I've waited out a whole deployment for him, then there isn't a reason now to leave him. He also goes out a lot and being pretty confident about the relationship I never worry about when he's out with the guys..So sometimes I'm just confused on why he gets so angry/jealous when I go out even if I sit and literally text him the whole time I'm out. We always make sure to see each other once a month for at least a few days so both of us have been flying back and forth a lot during the year. But I definitely do feel like everything lately has been about him.

I believe that they do that a lot. It's something that I want to have a convo with my bf about too!! Sometimes we need a little selfish time b/c we're devoting so much of our lives to them. But I agree, I think that once you speak with him he'll understand where you're coming from and be able to give you a little bit of space to have some fun so that you're not sitting at home counting down the mins until you see him again which would make you stress for no reason.

I believe that you should sit him down again and pretty much tell him exactly what you just wrote. He has to see that if you waited for him during his deployment that should count for something. It could be the distance that's bothering him, or you never know what he may have seen through the eyes of his fellow soldiers (maybe one of the other s/o's cheated and he's nervous) BUT he also has to compromise and understand that it's not all about him. You have a life outside of him too and that these are ppl that supported you and most likely kept you strong during his time away.
Just talk to him and let him know that the way that he's acting lately has you a little concerned...