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Does This Happen To Anyone Else But Me?

My husband and i get to talk on a regulary basis he is stationed in kuwait. We seem to fight over rediculouse things. He does not like it if i tell him im going out with my friends it has to be all girls or he gets irritated, i can tell it in his voice. But i honelsty never do anything but work i get to go out about once a month. I feel like whatever i do he gets mad at me. For example he got mad at me for buying bottled water and said i should just drink the tap water? And i just think in my head why are we fighting about this? He just starts random fights about things that really dont matter and just things that i did when he was home. I had a couple people over one night and we were just watching movies drinking some beer nothing major because i had to work in the morning. They were gone by like midnight, but he called me while they were over and i had to leave the room bc we were fighting. I'm wondering if its just bc he wants me to not be doing anything like he is. I really dont know because when we are together we rarley fought. But ever sense he has left it has become almost a regulary thing. We sometimes go a week or two with no fighting. I am wondering if it's bc he feels like he has no control? He just gets mad at me for anything and its gotten so bad to where i feel guilty for doing anything but going home after work and waiting for him to call or skype me. If im not right there by the phone when he calls everyday he is livid most days. Some days he does not even care and he is his usual self? Then sometimes im just like wow who am i talking to right now and why am i being talked to like this. One day he was so rude to me for no reason i just broke down and said i dont need to be treated like this please stop i love you! He trys to turn things on me. Most of the time i just take it and cry. One time i was crying to him telling him how much i missed him and this is so hard ect. I normally try not to do that and just be stronge but i had a break down that day, and after i pored my feelings out he says "why are you talking like this? Did you cheat on me?" And i was like are you kidding me? I would never do that.I love him so so much. I just keep telling myself he will be home soon. This is not like him. We love each other. We can do this. I need some advice please???
brittneyshae brittneyshae 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 26, 2011

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My husband used to act like that . But as time went on , it was like he chilled out. I think alot of times when they are younger , they feel like they do not have alot of control about what is happening to THEM, so they feel the need to control SOMETHING . So they try to control you , train you , just like they feel they are being treated. As my husband got older and gained more authority and control in his own life, he calmed down with us and realized it was like comparing apples to oranges, homelife does not get treated the same as military life. That WE choose to be there , we don't HAVE to be there. He also realized that the military lifestyle is ****** and he was very lucky that he still has a family to go home to every night, after all his BS. Hopefully yours will have an epiphany like mine did and realize that though his wife loves him, she chooses to be there, and can choose to be elsewhere if he fails to appreciate it. Have faith in him to a certain extent, this will come to pass. You did marry him for a reason. Through thick and thin. Right now is just a very thin time.Just remember he is going through a tough time (not that you aren't), but that maybe you just handle stress better by choosing not to lash out at the people who love you. Lots of hugs your way & I hope your relationship finds its way out of this black hole.

My soldier gets stressed out when he doesn't know whats going on. And stress does a lot of different things to different people. He probably feels the need to protect and provide for you, and that role has changed now that he is away from home. He may be especially stressed out with you making decisions for yourself, even if they are minor things like the water. In making decisions for you he thinks that he is providing the safest/best situation for you to be in, and being the protector is the best way a lot of men show their love. So instead of letting a fight over water happen, ask his opinion on little things so that he feels involved at home even though he's away. It might take time for both of you to adjust to a more independant lifestyle, but in the end remember why you love him and that this too shall pass.

I think he is just having a hard time adjusting...and doesnt really know whats going on while he is away, my advice is to just keep him in the look and up to date and the day to day things hun.