If I Can Help

Let's see another deployment last night our guys boarded the plane at 2:00 a.m This is our third deployment. I just actually found this site by accident which will help me alot due to the dreaded "Officers wife" stigma that we aren't allowed to express our anger and frustration we need to sit quietly and sip coffee. That isn't me. I give my friends the exact information I get I do not hide anything. and i tell it like it is. I have broken all of the rules.

Any advice I can give I will in anyway. You try to stay busy but once you sit down you realize it is too quiet, all of the Army gear is no longer thrown around your house, you overbuy on groceries then realize there is no extra person. As far as sleep goes I have found that tylenol p.m works best for me I think I started that at very first deployment 6 years ago.

Take it one day or one minute at a time you will burst into to tears at any moment, you will be angry that the world continues to move on and you will think ,"don't they know my husband is gone?" Why are people going on with their everyday life. Real good advice I have found that I have given is when your soldier does call or write you tell him, "everything is fine" even when it is not. You fall apart AFTER you hang up. He can't concentrate and come home if he is worried about home. Little advice my husband gave to his 178 soldiers last night he will lead into combat : Even the strongest man cries, let it out cry the entire flight if you have to because when we land-we have business to tend to.

Airbornewife4life Airbornewife4life
36-40, F
33 Responses Aug 17, 2008

I am the Wife of a 24 year full-timer. He is now with a 100% service connected disability and has never stepped foot on enemy territory. His brain tumors were completely connected to home station assignments. So, Ladies please, yes, keep in mind the paycheck from the government that sustains you, should be respected. Never let your mouth overload your a** and don't think it only happens to them away at war. Because it still happens right here in the USA. Never to take away from our boys over seas mUch respect for you all and your families for the sacrafices you make. Bless you!!! Just a reminder that I feel they treat you all with a certain disrespect that needs to be corrected.

Did your husband come back home the same person he was when he left?

Thank you for the sound advice. My husband is stationed currently in Columbia, South Carolina. Monday he will board a plane on his way to Fort Hood Texas to prepare for his first 12 month deployment. We have two small children and have been married for three years. It is so comical to me, that many times the things that attract us to our mate often result in being the thngs that cause the most pain.<br />
Such as, the qualities that a good soldier must posess:dedication, loyalty and discipline. I joked with him this weekend that sometimes I imagine what life would have been had I married an average joe, but in reality I chose my husband for all his qualities that have made him into the remarkable soldier he is today.The truth is that I would pick him ten thousand more times over. I have always tried to center our marriage and family around my faith in God. He is in control of all things and has always blessed our family and I will pray that he will bless yours in the same way. God Bless.

Hi, I'm new to the site but just looking for some kind of support while m husband is away on TDY. We recently were married and will be going through his first deployment sometime next fall as infantry to Afghanistan. I come from an army family and even though my dad was deployed in 2002 to Iraq, deployments do not get any easier. Especially if it's your husband. I worry so much more and just seeing anything military related makes me feel bitter and like I'm going to crumble inside. I thank God that I at least have a strong faith but it is if worry and fear have taken over my whole brains

My husband was just stationed at Fort Hood, our first duty station. I haven't joined him yet because he is still processing in and we don't know if his unit is set to deploy. I am so lost, if he is going to be deployed soon will the army house him and let me stay where I am and still give us the BAH? I don't want to move to the ba<x>se, where I know absolutely no one (we have a 17 month old) and then have him leave right away.<br />
<br />
I will say that I hop I meet you when I get to Fort Hood because I think we would get along very well!<br />
<br />
I hope you husband returns safely!

I am 17 and married. My husband is hin his second half of osut basic. He was at fort benning he will graduate in october with his infantry blue cord :]. I was raised to do whats right and say how I feel whether it offends anyone or not the truth is the truth. My daddy always said if your doing something you wouldnt want printed on the front of a newspaper then you better change what your doing. And I just want to say that I have much respect for you. And im not sure what to expect when it comes to being an army wife so any pointers would be great.

Greetings EPers and how do you do?<br />
Just had to write a poem to you<br />
I was just a little curious if your<br />
Totally aware of your world<br />
And all it’s surroundings<br />
Hard to think that soon You won’t <br />
recognise your surroundings<br />
<br />
Really spoilt, where do I start?<br />
The Deepwater horizon spill<br />
If you still think oil was to blame<br />
And they used all that corexit<br />
Which is lethal to humans<br />
But used to mine methane<br />
<br />
On the biggest methane glacier <br />
in the world, to go digging for gold<br />
cos your government is broke<br />
and the whole gig is up when<br />
the fed’s charter runs out<br />
on the day of the Mayan long count<br />
<br />
China downgraded the wests credit<br />
Ratings too, no other country will<br />
Lend money to you so you print your own<br />
26% of the worlds resources<br />
Goldman sachs 200 million of your<br />
Tax dollars, daily: CRAZY<br />
<br />
Hey believe what you want but<br />
Very little truth on CNN and fox<br />
And google come to think of it too<br />
Perpetually lie to you, have covered up<br />
The real news for years and<br />
Alex Jones proving it every single day.<br />
<br />
How much more can you take?<br />
World war 3 real soon to cover up<br />
The world of hurt back home<br />
And then there will be conscription<br />
Of that you can count on<br />
These wars are taking a whole generation<br />
Of lower class and putting them in a box<br />
Got to stop<br />
<br />
Iran have done nothing anyway<br />
And their pride is still well intact<br />
Ahmadhinijhad won the election fairly<br />
Bribed 2.5 million with jobs<br />
And the riots on the streets only caused by<br />
$400 million of your tax dollars<br />
<br />
And I hate the words Collateral Damage<br />
But I like it here; worried about all of you<br />
Want to pull your head out the sand<br />
As insulation for hyperinflation<br />
<br />
You may think this is weird but just an idea<br />
A back up plan if you will cos<br />
I’m not the programmed one here<br />
And my bro was a soldier for 25 year<br />
And will cost you absolutely nothing<br />
<br />
If your man lies on sand miles away<br />
When he should be home with you<br />
Get a message to him if you can<br />
Just make sure he knows who’s side he is on<br />
<br />
Cos if he is away in Afghanistan<br />
When the people decide enough is enough<br />
All of a sudden communication down<br />
Between you and your husband<br />
<br />
This is your cue, or of your hubby anyway<br />
Him and his mates need to get home<br />
As fast as they can to protect their brethren<br />
Sod the army, that isn’t family<br />
The war’s are all bogus; wealth creation.<br />
<br />
But the ones in camp will be fine<br />
Sure then can get their hands on rifles<br />
And I’m sure you could get the<br />
Co-operation of a local airfield<br />
To get your men home pronto.

My husband has been deployed to Iraq for the first time in his early 40's. He is a high speed soldier. His 14year old son and I miss him so much. I feel so alone where we live. When people ask me what he is doing over there I tell them he is protecting the Iraq people and they just say they dont understand why we are over there. Its nice to read something I can relate to. It makes me feel not so alone for a minute.Iam trying to be strong for my husband and son at home. I just want to feel not so alone Iam sure that will help me until my soldier comes home.

come home son

Thanks so much for being you...not too many officers wives out there can claim that. I am retired Navy, with a son in the Army in Alabama....interesting insight..

My son just graduated Fort Jackson, SC 5/29/09. It was a very emotional day for me. Its hard to let go of him but I wish him well. I guess its ok to cry........because everytime I sit and think of how it used to be with him home.......that lump forms in my throat and I can't hold back the tears. I will keep him and all the troops and their families in my prayers. I will trust that God will take care of him while he is training more in Fort Huachuca, AZ.

Like you, I am an Army Officer's wife also. I have only been married to my husband for 6 years and did not grow up military at all. I do not, nor do I wish, to wear my husband's rank. I have a career of my own and like many, have seen the snobby side of officer's wives. I went through my husband's deployment 3 years ago and it is not easy, even for someone like me. What I mean by that is I had to survive on my own, with my son, after my divorce from my first husband. There are so many emotions running through the wive after her husband is deployed. Keep yourself busy or you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Ask me more and I will be happy to answer and help.

My boyfriend is in the Marines and he hasnt been deployed yet but thats all he's looking foward too. Before he even joined i always considered him my bestfriend/boyfriend... It's so hard to not tell him the things i go through without him. I dont want to make him worry and i dont want him stress anymore... But how could i pretend if a relationship should be based on honesty? I honestly feel so lonely & depressed all the time... What if that ended up to me leaving him because i never took the chance to tell him the truth or worked things out or how i felt about him being away? I miss my baby.... It tough and i'm glad its working for you! Goodluck!

Thank Goodness lol!!!

Hi, we seem to be sort of similar. I am an officer's wife originally from SW Georgia stationed at Ft Hood and I don't care about rank. Big difference we are going through our first deployment. <br />
<br />
Officer's wives can be so catty and snobbish. I get a lot of flack because we have no kids and we don't want any. None of the other wives in our neighborhood(we live on post) will talk to me. <br />
<br />
A person is a person and all soldiers deserve support and love. I just sent my husbands platoon small gifts for Christmas. I want them and their families to know that they can come to me whenever they need anything.

Thank you for you story. It has made me feel I am not the only one experiening things as I did. I am an RAF wife and I saw my life quite the same. However since the British forces are so much smaller they are gone that much longer. I had to move off of camp. (base) Because there was so much stero type. I couldn't handle it. I hated it. It was honestly like being back in High School. Drama, My husband has been in 18yrs and has 4yrs to retire but I don't wear his rank I am me. On civi Street if he had the same job you wouldn't be any better than the guy next door. That is why I like this place is because it doesn't matter what rank or who you are. You are no better than the next person. x

I laughed out loud when I read this post. I am an Air Force brat, and a proud Army Wife (now retired). We too had several deployments throughout our marriage(4), and it was never easy...But the "O-wife" thing cracked me up. <br />
I grew up in a military town, and have always been around people of all ranks and their families. We had many ranks, O and E in my own family even.<br />
When my husband was stationed near McConnell AFB in Wichita, KS., I went in to meet his XO and and our family sponser, I don't know if they still do that, but you older wives know what I mean, and the XO's wife introduced herself to me as Mrs. Maj. Whosiwhatsis... I almost wet myself. My poor husband almost died, because, growing up the way I did, the rank doesn't much impress me, and the spouses even less, much less the fact that I don't posess an "edit" function..I was content to give her my name and move on, much to my poor husbands great relief, I did however have one hell of a laugh with my mom on the phone later that night. <br />
See, my dad is a retired Major General, my God Father is a retired Army 3 star, I married enlisted, and my God Mother is the wife of an NCO...<br />
We never had any of that O-E nonsense around us. My family taught me that retired or active, officer or enlisted, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, or Coast Guard, we are most importantly , a family...<br />
<br />
May all our loved ones come home safe..

Your wives are lucky Airbornewife,they maybe far from their hubbies but you are with them and you're right they do go 20 channels to ask something.<br />
It is different with me coz my dad is an officer so i'll just use that to get what i want.Sad to say that those soldiers are fighting for the same cause but divided by ranks.<br />
I can see that your husband must be a good officer too coz he allows you to be with his mens' wives.<br />
I remember growing up w/enlisted men around me and that was the happiest days of my life.Growing up in different camps.<br />
I hope those wives appreciate what you're doing..<br />
<br />
See you around.....

The officers wives "steretype" does exist open your eyes. This is MY opinion hence the above topic MY experience. If you really did not believe Medorn what I said was true and you yourself have not seen it I highly doubt that you would have become so defensive and had to bring up that enlisted wives act the same. Do you know why they may be mad whether you want to see it yourself or not they are not invited to half of the things you are, their husbands are talked down to by officers all day, if their husband have no rank they have no voice period their husbands earn not even half of what yours makes. I from the first day my husband took Command walked straight into the company area and asked every soldier their job, I have put on the same hot equipment they do everyday, I call their wives to check on them and not just to ask if they will come to a meeting. It was a sad day for me when I walked in and asked a soldier what his job was and he told me know wife had ever asked him that, do you know why because they do not care. Just because it is not happening in your house does not mean you can't care. I could care less what Officers wives rule book" states about chain of command if a wife of an enlisted soldier or any soldier has a problem do you know who they have been told to call? ME I will not have my husbands soldiers wives going thru 20 different channels because they can't feed their kid. No not all Officers wives are like me who actually give a damn about the soldiers,kids and wives and let me tell you I certainly hope that your husband does not "lose his rank" because u will be one pissed off enlisted wife. as you called the others. I go to every sporting event a child has in my husbands unit, I ":hang out" with the "enlisted wives" maybe you should do the same. Don;t forget where you came from you always did not have the "existing stigma of an Officers Wife"

My mom was an "officers wife" and experienced being stereotyped too.She said it's hard to <br />
adjust to wife of enlisted men because they have this tendency to think that they can't talk<br />
to officers wife.WHY?Because we have to admit that MOST and not less officers wife had an <br />
attitude.Although not all but majority of them.I have experienced that with 2 officers wife <br />
and i mean it's not a nice thing that time.I asked them about something and i said Mam,but <br />
they just looked at me and then turned around without saying anything.I was standing there <br />
speechless and can't say anything .But there's this one officers wife too that's always been<br />
there, caring and been there for us.I love talking to her because she gives us advice on how <br />
to deal with our loneliness,out of 5 officers wives there she's the only 1 who cares.I'm not <br />
stereotyping but what i am telling is what i have experienced.

I am glad that you found this place to express how you feel with us. And I am glad that you are a strong woman. I will be joining the army soon at the beggining of next year. I hope that your husband will be safe and wish him and you the best of luck.

I'm a little concerned about the sterotype of being an "officer's wife". I am an officer's wife, but I'm a lot of other things too. I don't need his rank to be part of my identity, I have my own. I have felt for some time now that this officer's wife thing is just as non-existant as any other sterotype. You will run into people in any setting or subgroup that cling or absorb it to make it their own identity. I have encountered just as many enlisted members spouses who are guilty of the exact same behavior.

WEll for sure it's hard for us huh?Even if i am a military brat myself it is hard for me to adjust to being married to one.<br />
I promised to myself that considering what my mom went through when i was growing up i won't get married to an army.Now look where i am now?Married to an army who's going to Iraq in a few months,i am back to the wringer again<br />
I wanted to say i want him here but i can't ,i know i shouldn't.<br />
My mom told me that it cames w/the job angel,you can't complain just be there for him.<br />
I am planning to go to the Philippines to enroll at a film school there thats when he will be deployed.I hope i can be very busy so that i won't miss him a lot.Thanks to you now i know i am not the only 1 here...

Being a defence force wife/partner is certainly not for everyone. I was with a navy boy and that was tough. There is always uncertainty, you never really know how long you are going to have them home for. It is tough on the guys too. I have to say they do an extraordinary job defending our country. And even though I am no longer the partner of a navy boy I still spare a thought for those women and families who support these guys and are left behind time and time again. Good Luck to you girls.

I was an officers wife and an officer - now retired - Navy. We were both in the medical corps, so that has an influence on my comments. My husband was deployed on operational tours during our time in the Navy. Please don't isolate yourself, by stereotyping officers wives or enlisted wives. During one of my husband's deployments I was in Japan with two small children and often had to go back to the hospital to care for patients. Life would have been very difficult without the other officers wives. There were some who didn't approve of my other friends - junior officers wives and enlisted wives - but more who were able to be my friends. You will find that there are people who will support you and appreciate your support among the officers wives. Some of the women you reject or feel rejected by are suffering as much or more than you are. The negative energy directed at the group harms everyone, but most of all the one holding the anger. At least some of the anger belongs to the ones taking our loved ones away from us and putting them in harm's way. You will find as I did that there is a wide range of personality types among both the officer and enlisted wives. Bless you all and bless the loved ones who are parted from you.

Thank you for your story. My son is going to join the Army next month. This gives me an insight to how both my son and daughter in law may feel.

My husband was deployed ones so far, Iraq, 6 months...<br />
It was a hell for me, but i knew i had to be strong for him, i was crying every single night, stopped reading newspapers, watching news. <br />
Next year may is next time when he might go again.

I just want to say thank you. I just found this site and it's already making me feel more sane. I am also an officers wife, but this is our first deployment (he was non-deployable at Ft. Polk for a few years.....crappy place, but at least we were together). I don't have any kids and no family in Louisiana so I moved back home to live with my mother in NY. None of my family or friends "gets it". They keep telling me to just make the best of it...but nothing is the best without my husband.<br />
<br />
I have also found that tylenol pm is my bff....also or a more natural approach melatonin is nice. I don't tell him when I'm upset, but that's probably the hardest part....he's my best friend and I'm used to telling him everything, but you're right it just makes his job harder (if that's possible).<br />
<br />
Thanks again for you comments

That is so true.. Never forget where you come from. I wish more officers wives would think like that.

Anyone here can ask me anything. My husband has rank not me. I could care less rank ,enlisted,mos means nothing to me. A soldier is a soldier. I will talk all day with a soldier who has nothing but velcro on his uniform before I breathe a word to a Colonel or an Officers wife. Yes we are few and far between. We are stationed on lovely Fort Hood in Texas. I must say it has been the worst command experience ever. This is like I said our third 12 month deployment. We have a 12 year old daughter, 2 dogs and I have 180 parents whom I email everyday letting them know every detail of their soldiers life. 48% of our soldiers are single so someone somewhere loves them so it has been my journey to seek those families out. Yes they were horrified when I called because they think their soldier is in trouble. the first thing I say is he's not in trouble. You do not have to tell me how Officers wives are trust me I have shot down many an invitation for coffee or tea. I don't drink either and if I did if not everyone can go then I don't go. I think it is sometimes how you were raised I am from georgia so I am a southern backwoods woman with a strong accent and voice. I have worked my whole life and depend on no one for anything. My mother raised me and my brother scraping by so I know what it is to be without. I grew up having not enough, our lights turned off, our water turned off. If these officers wives were raised the same way I was they may be a little different. I will never forget where I came from.

I am the same and I agree I am not a military wife but I have military family members and my message is the same it is normal to go through seperation enxiety. However you do not have to let it have victory over you and there is an innerstrength in faith that can release you from the worries you go through when it hits home.

Well I have to say I have not met an officers wife like you. No disrespect but the officers wives that I know have that rank on there arm. You can guess I am an enlisted wife. So if you dont mind me askin where are yall stationed? Do you have any little ones? I have two little boys ages 2 and 8 months. My hubby is now in AZ reclassing he was an 11B. The day he graduates is going to be such a sad but happy day. He is giving up his blue cord and his unit association. So is there anything about you that you wouldnt mind sharing? Thank you for being the person you are.


I am speechless, i cant imagine him being deployed for 3 times although im sure it will happend. Thank you... Im sorry that he is gone. Im here if you need to talk. Im glad there is someone to the site that will give advice when we need it even though its hard too. take care and stay strong!!