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...i Just Need Advice From Wives Who Understand =/

hello everyone..!! my name is nicole and im stationed in germany with my hubby deployed for his 15month tour.. his soon to be coming home thank god and want to know what 2 expect his reurn home i know a different man.. we have doubted our marriage many times during our deployment but want 2 know whats the best i can do on my part when he gets home to make our marriage work well and get him back into normal life without any big problems..  would really appriciate ur comments and hope to meet some new friends here..

...thanks

 

nov18 nov18 18-21 2 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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At the end of a long deployment (the first Gulf War) a group of wives met their husbands in Hong Kong (we were stationed in Japan). The trip was arranged by a support group on base. It was a wonderful idea to come together on neutral ground so that we could concentrate on just being back together. If you can arrange even a weekend together away from the base, it will help. It is often hard for the wife and returning husband to share the decisions she has been responsible for. He wants to be useful, she wants to be appreciated, both want the other to acknowledge that they have had a difficult time. He may suffer from PTSD and need counseling. The more encouragement, gratitude, and appreciation you can give each other, the better both of you will feel. A mistake I've seen is that the wife denies her feelings of abandonment, etc. Yes, he was the one deployed to serve his country, but you served, too, by waiting and taking care of everything alone. I am not suggesting a competition to see who had the hardest time. You can acknowledge and feel your feelings without holding him responsible for them. Saying you have no right to your anger or pain only creates resentment. Listen to him; don't take responsibility for his feelings; don't try to fix him; love him, even when you're angry at him; take care of yourself; get counseling separately or together if you are having difficulty.

Wow, my hubby and I were very lucky and the Deployment brough tus closer together but it was still really wierd and akward when he first came home, he would lose his temper over silly trivial **** but the big stuff didn't phase him, he was really withdrawn wouldn't really talk to me or anything. The only advice I can give you is to be there wait it out and when he is ready he will come out of it! Good luck!!!If you have anymore questions feel free to email!