Overreacting?

I know some people may be biased about this story because of how young my husband and I both am. We started going out when I was a Junior in High School; he was a Senior at the time. He was avid about joining the Army, but I talked him out of it when we were going out. We broke up right before I was a Senior because I had found a message he had sent to another girl saying "I love you". He claimed that it was just a joke, but there were no other messages to show that this was the truth. That same girl he had messaged had kissed him at work a day before which he hadn't told me about, just lied about the whole situation.

About a month or so after we broke up he dropped out of high school and got his GED. That January he went off to boot camp to become an Airborne Infantryman in the Army. While he was in bootcamp he sent me a letter and i all the feelings came back. I went to his graduation and we started to go out again. A few months later I found out I was pregnant:a month after I had graduated from High School. We truely loved one another so we decided to get married, unfortunately a week or so after we decided this he was told that he was going to get deployed two months down the road. In order to make everything go smoothly we decided to get married before he deployed. He left in September and I had our son in January. He came back from deployment in July. During his deployment we bought a house at his new duty station, however he didn't help with any decisions about our son and the new home. He was also spending about a thousand dollars each month on idk what while he was overseas.

We have now been married for about a year and a half and he is still acting like he isnt married. He just turned 21 a few weeks ago and partied that entire weekend completely ignoring the fact that it was his last weekend with me and our son as well (he has training almost everyday until August when he deploys again).

Back in November he and 5 other men from his unit were sent to kentucky to honor a town who had sent them care packages while they were deployed. The town paid for all of them to go out and drink every night. He told me that he had spent a majority of the time talking to women and trying to send them over to his friends who were single, but they were too shy so he ended up talking to them most of the night. Granted, that didnt make me feel very good. When he came home he kept texting one number in kentucky and i asked him who it was, he said it was one of the moms who had set up everything. He texted the number alot so i asked him again a few weeks later and he told me the same thing....i didn't believe him but i let it go because the txts stopped for a while. About a week ago he washed his phone so someone in his squad gave him a new phone on monday. When he came home he told me to set up his phone for him. While it was loading all of his messages that he had missed came through. Most were from tmobile, but one was from that same number he was messaging from kentucky. I asked who it was and he said he had no idea, but he thought it was from the lady who had set up the carepackages....he had forgotten that his numbers had been transfered to my phone because i had put his SIM card into my phone. The lady's number was in my phone so I told him that it wasnt her because he number was saved on his SIM. He said, oh, well i dont know who it is. I txted the number and asked who it was...she wrote "Gretchen :)". I asked him who she was and he said, i don't know...i could tell he was lying. Later that night after we had eaten dinner and put our son to bed we were sitting down watching tv. His phone went off a few times so i asked him if he was going to pick it up. He hesitated and then said oh its Adam he's just texting me. Again, he sucks at lying and i could tell that something was up. We went to bed at like 10. After he had fallen asleep i wanted to see if he had been telling me that truth or if i was just being paranoid. I looked at his phone and he had deleted his messages. So by then I knew that something was up. I went online and checked our cell statement and he had been messaging the Gretchen girl since monday and all day yesterday....I had sent him a few txts that day and had no answer which he said was because he had training all day. He had the time to talk to Gretchen but not his wife. What really made me mad was that we had fought on Sunday about him lying and not helping out around the house (he made the excuse that he shouldn't have to do anything because he is at work all day. i cant work because we only have one car and not enough money for daycare). I don't understand why he would lie to me the very next day after he told me he wouldnt do it anymore and that he would try harder to help out.

I don't know if it is just me, but stuff like this has been happening ever since we got married....any suggestions or comments?

MskGriggs0811 MskGriggs0811
18-21
5 Responses Feb 25, 2009

I am sorry. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I wish you only the best. Remember, you may love him, but your son is your first priority. Let him know that you know what is going on andgive him an ulimatum. Stand your ground and be strong. It works! I had to talk my husband through a lot while we were dating because his x would not ive up. I put things in prospective for him, and he realized what he had with me was a greater bond than her fake user bull spit. Let him know how you feel, but also let him know that he is disposable in your life. <br />
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Wait how can he go to prison im confused too...

It can send him to prison?<br />
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The night that I saw that the txts were from Gretchen I went into our room and woke him up. I yelled at him saying that I couldn't believe he would lie to me the day after we had resolved our last fight. I cried for like an hour and it took me forever to fall asleep. When he came home last night I tried to talk to him about it. He claimed that he had no idea that I was mad until he came home and saw the note he had written to me the day before apologizing about our last fight ripped up on the bed (I did that the night before). He told me that he didn't remember me waking him up and yelling him and that he didnt notice that i wasnt sleeping in the same bed with him or the ripped up letter when he woke up because he woke up really late and just had to get dressed and run out of the house. <br />
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His explanation for lying to me was that he was just trying to see if I trusted him or if I was going to either check his phone or look at the phone records and see who he was talking to.....i call BS. There would be no reason why he would have deleted all of his messages if he just wanted to see if i would check the logs. I asked him why he deleted the messages and he said "i don't know". I'm pretty sure that he had a reason but just didn't want to tell me. Maybe im wrong though.<br />
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I love him and I do want to stay with him, but last night i told him that if nothing changes that I am not going to put up with it anymore. I do not want to be in a relationship where my husband doesnt respect me and takes advantage of my weaknesses.

I'd go with what frogs2010 said! Great advice frogs!If we were in the same room I'd be high fiving you right about now!

It sounds like you are putting all the work into this marriage and he's not trying at all. A marriage (not to mention parenthood) takes trying from each of you. It also sounds like your husband isn't ready to give up his single life and youth. <br />
I wish you the best, but you can't give all while he gives none-that's not fair to you. <br />
It sounds like you know what you need to do and what kind of stuff he's doing behind your back. You have a tough decision to make about your marriage, but keep your child's best interest at heart and your decision won't be wrong.

What does your gut tell you? What do you want out of this relationship? Do you want to stay or go? Do you want to work this out or just let it go? Honestly if it was me, I would wait for him to fall a sleep, pick up his phone start texting her and pose as your husband, be all loving toward her asker when can I see you again? and see what her reaction is, and then leave it on the phone for him discover. After you send copies of the text converstions to your private email account. And then have an open coversation with him. And remind him that what he just did will send him to fedral prison for 24 months. But that is just me.....