My Husband Has Ptsd

My husband was admitted into the hospital today. Behavior Health. He's been having a hard time lately. His PTSD is "acting up". He's  in WTU already but it's not helping any. He is supposed to be getting better instead, he seems to be getting worse. I'm usually not afraid of him or of leaving him with the kids. But lately, I'm ahamed to say,  I wonder if he would hurt them. He tells me a little about how he feels when he gets angry. He says he wants to hurt people. He doesn't go into datail because he says that he doesn't want me to look at him differently. He hasn't put his hands on the kids or me but he does yell at the kids a lot. I feel bad that my kids are always in their rooms but I'd rather keep them in their rooms than let them get yelled at or worse. I can see that my husband is really trying to get better, to have more patience. When he has a good day he'll spend it spoiling our kids. Last week was a really rough week for him though. The people at WTU were concerned that he might hurt himself or someone else. They wanted him to socialize so they gave him a "job". They made him run when all he could do is walk. They forced him to be around people when he isn't even ready for that yet. I could see him falling apart as the days passed. He was angry and emotional all week but wouldn't go into detail. I guess he finally said what was on his mind to the people at WTU. I don't know exactly what he was feeling or thinking because he says he doesn't want to scare me. So now he's in the behavior health floor of our local hospital. I took our kids to see him, I told them daddy wasn't feeling good so he was being looked after by the doctors. I wasn't there more than 20min. My husband didn't want the kids there. I don't blame him but I just wanted him to see them, maybe he'd feel better. My heart was breaking leaving him in that place. People were crying and mumbling to themselves. Some rooms smelled like urine as we walked by. We could hear a lady yelling random things. He doesn't belong there. My husband is a good soldier. He's a good person and a great father. I don't know what else to do besides "be there for him". I don't know how to help him.  

Queen82 Queen82
26-30, F
31 Responses Mar 4, 2009

I am reading this years after it was originally posted but it is like reading my life! I didn't know what was going on! Is it ADHD? Is it bipolar? Is it depression? Is it PTSD? He is great and then he hates me and wants a divorce. I've narrowed it down to when he's super tired or awoken from a deep sleep. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him just hoping to avoid the next explosion of anger! We currently live overseas and have 3 kids (3 1/2, 2, 3 months). I never know from day to day who is going to show up. Is it my loving, sweet husband or this monster who yells and cusses and me and doesn't want anything to do with us anymore? I just don't know.
Today I contacted the chaplain on post and his first Sargent. I'm nervous about what will happen when he gets home. He isn't taking any responsibility for his behavior. He blames me for everything. I do literally everything with the house and the babies. Everything. In one of his fights (his, not mine. I just sit there) he told me he's not my slave and he's not going to buy groceries or cook or do anything around the house anymore because all I'm trying to do is control him (or daughter was 3 weeks old at this point). That was it. I haven't asked him to do anything since! When I found out I was pregnant with baby #3, I was excited and terrified. How was I going to take care of 3 babies on my own. What happens when my husband decided that he doesn't want a family anymore and takes off or kicks us out of the house? He keeps telling me that he can't trust me but it's all him. He has passwords in his computer and cellphone. He hides his phone from me when I walk by. Then there's these anger outbursts. I just don't know what to do. I'm not looking forward to him coming home tonight. He slept at work last night because he was so angry at me. Nothing happened and he blew up. I can't live like this. It's not right to put my kids through this. He needs to get help and instead he's just worried about getting kicked out of the military. Who cares?!? If it's a choice between having my husband back and a military retirement, I want my husband. I don't know this man. I miss my husband.

Hi, all of this seems very familiar. My boyfriend was in the army for 6 years and deployed twice once to Iraq and the second time to afganastan. He gets angry very easily, and won't go to couceling. He says they just want to dope him up on a bunch of medicine. The medicine makes him a total zombie, he doesn't talk to anyone or want to go anywhere. We have a 9 month old together and anytime she cries he gets extremely mad and hits things. The only thing I have found that makes him a lot better is marijuana, I know its illegal but I've heard a lot of people with ptsd do it, it really really help.

Just wanted to share my experience after the Army ... My husband got out three months coming back from a deployment . This was his second tour in Afghanistan only it was a more hands on Mos ... Once we moved to start our life after the army ,he found it hard to find a job ,he was depressed and would have the same horrible nightmare every night . He even wet the bed and didn't even notice till morning ... :/ he talked about wrecking his vehicle so he'd die and we'd have money to live since he couldn't find a job . He told me he was going to get help two times for depression but never did ... He started having panic attacks while driving . Exactly one year later he left me and our three kids to stay with his friend for two weeks ... He didn't call or anything . He came back and wanted to go to marriage counseling ,I never made the appt :( a month or two later he left for another week stating again to make a marriage counseling apt which I didn't yet again,I deeply regret that ... He came home yet again ,but shortly after he left me and our three kids and a week later I found out I was pregnant . He did everything possible to avoid me ,did stuff like call the police when I tried to talk to him since we still had a apartment and are married I had to talk to him ,we had a baby on the way ,bills and three kids ... After a month and a few weeks I left our apartment took our kids and went to live with family ,I'm currently 7m seperated from him ,7 weeks from my due date with a little boy , he never calls ,I've contacted his commander that's a joke ! He's in the national guard only reserves ... He never sees our kids or calls them he did a complete 180 from the father and husband I knew he lost 20pounds ... In the beginning and had trouble sleeping when he first left . I don't know for sure if this is even ptsd . I just think he's a different man .

My husband is currently on his 3rd deployment. When he came home for mid-tour leave he announced that he was divorcing me and has already filed. He stopped all communication with me. I tried calling, texting, emailing...nothing. Calling rear d was a joke. They treated this as simply a marital problem when I know it is so much more. He has spent the last 2 weeks living the single life, has only seen our daughter 3 times, and refuses to come anywhere near the house. I was completely blindsided be all this. I never saw it coming. The reasons he gave while packing made no sense. He was bringing up things that happened over 9 yrs ago and blaming all this on that. I am truly at a loss because he has 5 more months on this deployment and I fear that he will continue to have no contact with me. My heart is aching. I pray every night that his anger will calm down long enough for him to realize the mistake he is making. We would have been married 17 yrs in November.

Can I ask a question husband got off the army in November. He is always trying to discipline me and my son. I keep telling him we don't need that we are not in the army and or looking for discipline. Is this normal ? I don't know how to deal with it or who to talk to :-(

ladies, I've read all your post and it sounds like my life. Its hard going through what we are going through. Believe me there is times i just want to give up and quit fighting for our marriage, our family. But in my heart, i know deep down this isn't my husband, and I continue to fight and support my husband even when he doesn't want me to. My husband is in the army, has been going on 13 years. Been on 5 deployments and on his last deployment ( 2 years ago) I notice he came back a different person. An angry person. He seemed like he didn't care about himself or anything. I noticed the change 2 months after his return. He noticed it himself, and right away we seeked help. My husband was never the type to yell at our kids or me. And the first time he did, he caught it himself. They put him on meds and was going through counceling. Till this day he is on 4 different types of meds. And still going through therapy. He has good days and bad days. The good days can last for months, and all of sudden something triggers it. What i do, when it happens is give him his space, then we talk about what happened or what triggered it. I try my hardest to calm him down, most of the time it works but there are times he just wants to be left alone. He tells me all the time, why am i here. He doesn't deserve me and our family cause of the pain that he has caused us. He never phyically abuse us, and i don't think he will. I get scared he is going to hurt himself or kill himself. Theres times he has told me himself. I know he is tried of being the way he is and it breaks my heart. He gets frustrated not know what is wrong with him. I know we are not the only ones that is going through what we are going through, but is there any hope that they can get back to the person they were before, or is this gonna go on for the rest of our lives. I am a person of faith and I pray for changes for my husband sake. And I always pray He gives me the strength to continue to fight this battle with my husband. And I will pray for you all, to give you the strenght as well.

We all sound alike. Just a different branch and a different war. I am depressed, I am upset, I am angry, I do not sleep anymore from his nightmares, I go to the shrink with him. I am sorry ladies. I have PTSD from living with PTSD. His doctor wants to help him and I do too but I feel like I don't care about life anymore. We need a forum. I just want to say I matter too for just i minute then we will go back to this evil disease that just gets worse with age. He is seeing his shrink on my behalf but we both are tired of the too many meds to the part where it's all about getting in touch with their demons. I can tell you we are in touch with those demons so if the doctors would just quit with this routine and try to work on a different solution for this mess we call life!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am right there with you!! I am so sick of living with the sickness within my husband.

I have been married to a Canadian soldier for 12 years. He has served for 24 years with 5 tours and a year long posting under his belt. I don't think I can take it much longer. He has severe ptsd, self medicates and has become a mean stranger who thinks he has the right to ask for sex( which does not happen, thanks to the meds the doc gave him) There is no real support here for either of us..but he does not look to hard. I have tried support groups, but as so sick of hearing how to support him..what about me? What about my kids, we have all had to accomadate his tbi, but we get nothing back. I currently don't work, and have no family . I feel trapped.

Stay strong! Your kids come first! My husband did hurt us and was in jail and still should be. He won't get help. Your children will pay in the end.

My husband got locked in the VA mental facility for 5 days. He just got out yesterday & it has been so hard, I been crying every single day since he returned from Iraq over 5 yrs ago. The VA has no counseling services for spouses which really sucks. We been waiting for over 2 years for his disability.... He has depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, nightmares, hears voices, anger, panic attacks, hearing loss of 1 ear & tinnitus in the other, torn meniscus, dislocated shoulder blade, PTSD, TBI,high blood pressure (due to the 20 plus pills he has to take per day) & the VA has all the records of every single test they did which diagnosed him with all this. We keep following up & nothing.

THAT is the worst part about being a military spouse! There is NO services for the family. I believe that leaving the partner to deal with this on his/her own and not involving the family to help treat AND diagnose the issue only makes it worse. Most of US are the ones on the home-front war trying to help them recover and this aspect of their healing and therapy is completely denied. I HATE that!

I'm really glad I found this site. I was starting to think, I was alone. My husband has PTSD, he was in the Army. Anymore I feel like I have no idea who he is. He has so much anger torwards everything anymore. Some how it ends up being my fault. He has never hit me, but is mentally. Sometimes I do want to leave him, but deep down I just hope that the husband that I fell in love with will come back. I cant even stand to ride with him any where anymore, its like everyone annoys him, family or people in public. He talks so easy about killing people, like its nothing. It makes me so upset to hear him talk like that. This is not the person that I married. I do love him, do not get me wrong. I want my husband back, the one that he used to be before PTSD.

I am actually applying for my PhD in Clinical Neuropsychology. I am specializing on treatments for PTSD and TBI. I'm also in the same situation as all of you. My husband is a soldier. It's important to develop a strong support network. As a result, I hve designed a facebook page dedicated to the effects that PTSD and/or TBI have on relationships. Please add the page. It's called Fort Benning Support for Relationships affected by PTSD and/or TBI. We need to stick together on this issue and try to bring as much awareness as possible.

After 10 years and 4 deployments, this demon has finally caught up with my husband. It kills me to see the most amazing, capable, life loving, best man I know to be consumed by the depression and all consuming memories. I wish I could take it all away, but I know I can't. What is so scary is that it has just begun and it hit him like a freight train out of no where. I can't imagine what all of you are going through dealing with it for a substantiated amount of time. My heart goes out to all of you.

My fiance struggles from ptsd, even though he seems normal to me, he does have trouble falling asleep and he is randomly down (upset,stressed etc) every once in a while,... he is 9 years older than me (he has been married before), when he informed about his ptsd I brushed it off thinking to myself it was ok but now reading all these stories, I feel very confuse...think of it to say, my reality just set in=/.... (I'm 19 he is 29, he did serve in the army and was deployed many ) I really can't say much because he doesn't really talk about his army life

So I'm going through what a lot of these women have: My husband went to Iraq for a year and came back violent, angry, and depressed. He went to therapy for a while, and they prescribed antidepressants. That would have been great, but he's refused to take them, saying he's fine. However, he's been yelling at the kids and me, telling me that all our problems are my fault. He can't keep a job because he gets bored and quits going to work. Our sex life has changed from consensual to occasionally not. I'm looking into having him admitted, and I'm really hoping that they can help him. I just wanted to post and say I'm really thankful for all of you posting, that it's helping me get up the courage to do something to change my situation.

My heart really goes out to EVERYONE who has posted on this website. As I read all of the post, I felt like it was my life. Im newly divorced, and my ex serves in the ARMY. He and I no longer speak, because I absolutely refuse to. He has deployed 4x now, and he suffers from PTSD, TBI, & Depression. He will not get help. He doesn't think that it will help him. He has physically, and mentally abused me in the past. Everything was always "my fault," and he has made me look like the bad guy towards his family. He has had many affairs behind my back, cheated on me with one night stands, led me on, isolated me from family and friends. The list go go on, but to make a long story short. I have done everything I could to try to save our marriage, to help him, but what it all comes down to is that THEY have to get help on there own terms. There is nothing you could do except be there for them, and at times that doesn't even seem to work. So He filed for the divorce papers in a brash decision... after all was said and done he wanted to give us another try. Made me think he stopped the divorce, and in reality the divorce went through. Its such a messy situation, but anyhow YOU just have to either let go, and focus on your own mental health or you can became absolutely crazy with them. You make the decision. Its been months now, and I have not heard from him. Yet he has stalked me, and tries to keep tabs on me, but i will not allow him to know where I reside. So with all of this my friends, please try to be patient, understanding, and if that doesn't work You need to FREE yourself from there world for a bit and discover who YOU are again and gain that confidence back. Sooner or later they will realize what they had, because while you are gone it gives them time to think... ever hear of the saying..."Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Keep your faith, pray, and keep your head up. Everything will be OK, and if it isn't you must keep living the best you can. God bless.

I met my husband after he had been injured from Afgan - in fact he had just had an operation to removal the remains of an IED from his arm that day. He was a Royal Marine Officer - but has since left the Royals. We fell in love, we married and had a child. I really thought we had turned a corner in PTSD - when I met my husband he was in counselling and day by day he seemed to be getting better. Once the baby came along my time and focus was spent breastfeeding and learning how to be a new mother. We moved to be near his family on an island I where I knew nobody. The birth of our daughter was very traumatic and I ended up in ITU. From this point forward our relationship started to fall apart. We had less time for each other and my husband became more withdrawn. Then three weeks ago, literally out of the blue (following no arguments etc), he said he didn't want his family, didn't love me, talked about suicide and anger. He asked if I could take the baby to see my parents for a few days. I did. When I got back the locks to our home were changed. I was left pregnant, with a baby in my arms and literally nowhere to go. He refused to look at me, in fact barely turned up and hide behind his parents in a child like state. He told everyone, whilst I withdrew at the shame I felt of what we were doing to our children. I have been now placed in a bedsit in the middle of nowhere. He asked me stay here for six months until he decides if he can love us. I have never seen so much anger in someone. I remember when we first met and PTSD was a big part of our lives, but he won't admit it now. He is reading plenty of books on PTSD at the moment, so perhaps he knows somewhere inside. I guess its the irrational behaviour, the pushing his family away - and we love him - but I am afraid of him. I cannot trust him at the moment - and keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare. He use to be our morale compass. He truly is and was my best friend. Now he is more like a tin man - with no emotion - no feeling - just shut down and acting like all this is perfectly normal. I am exhausted. I am trying to cope with being completely alone, pregnant, and bringing up an 11 month old on my own. I know I need to stand by him even though he is cutting the heart out of our family - but its hard to know how to do that when he won't come near us. So for now I shall leave him space. He has asked for me to attend a counsellor one day a week with him - and I shall do my best to be supportive. But when we go there - he spends the time saying how useless I am - rather than talking about what is damaging our family - PTSD. It is breaking my heart.

Today is the first day that i actually look up the word PTSD. I recently got engaged to a former marine vet and lately his behavior has made me feel confused and that's why i decided to do a little research. He got injured in Iraq in 07 and is paralyzed from one leg. I knew him before he deployed from high school so when i met him again through Facebook 7 months ago i automatically felt sympathy for him and he seemed very normal so i decided to give him a chance.. i must admit that at first i wasn't very sure about our relationship because i had recently gotten out of a long term one...but in the end i went to live with him in another town and now i am 3 months pregnant. He is very attentive with me n treats me like a princess on his good days. He spoils me rotten and buys me expensive gifts... however on his off days or simply just randomly he snaps at me and anything i do or say is wrong for him. He seems to be a bit controlling and acts obnoxious in public. When i tell him to be quiet he tellls me he doesn't like to be shuted up. Then he will say things that hurt my feelings. He's never put his hands on me but i want to be prepared for whatever may come. I wish i knew how to help him or at least be able to recognize when he's having a breakdown ....

Wow you just described what I'm going is the day I actually looked up the term ptsd...I formly got engaged also (when my fiance informed on his ptsd, I brushed it off thinking it was ok because he looks normal to me) he does have his days on where sometimes he is a bit down (stressed, upset etc.) And sometimes he is sleepless, But he hasn't got to the point where he has made me feel angry or upset in any way, he is charming and very sweet... in a way, just like you, I get spoiled=) ....... I looked up ptsd because today he was just down, upset and I didn't know why, I thought back on when he had informed me on his ptsd.....he did serve in the army but he doesn't really bring up that subject (he is aslo 9 years older than me, I am 19 and he is 29) he was married before .... now that I am reading all these stories, I am a bit frightening of what our future holds for us, as couple

my husband is infantry and had two tours to afghan and he didn't finish is second because the ptsd got so bad he came back the day after i had our daughter and told me while i was in the hospital still that he felt nothing for us. he now goes to a outpatient behavioral health center every day instead of rear D i think the ptsd is in combo with survivors guilt he lost his best friend in the first tour. he says he can't feel or think he has night terrors (I've been elbowed many times) he's anxious impatient doesnt trust anyone and angers easily and to me worst of all he drinks. he says it calms him but he drinks til he passes out. he also lies about it. its been four months and i try so hard to stay patient and stay out of his way i clean i cook i run errands for him i take care of baby i don't bug him he tries to argue with me bout things that don't matter like what i wore to visit my dad. we aren't intimate he won't touch me kiss me tell me he loves me but every so often he will say he needs me and that i keep him sane i really try i do. its just so discouraging to see him drink and lie about it i love him with all my heart and i will stick him throughout this but i can't handle the lying the only time we argue bout drinking's when i know he did it while driving of when he tries to handle the baby and he's intoxicated i know that drinking only gets worse it doesn't solve anything he's on meds for sleeping and for curbing the alcohol cravings but he's not taking it i know this because he was taking the drinking meds and said it helped but i think he wants to drink so doesn't want the meds i don't understand why his doc doesn't give him something for his nerves as well but all in all i will support him i just don't know how much more lying i can take

My husband has PTSD and every other month he kicks our baby and me out of the house, tells us to leave (go back to my parents) and disappears for a few hours-days. I dont know what to do anymore, its not like him to give up on family. I need tips on what to do to help him. He is already going to a counselor and taking medicine. Its just hard to not know if I am going to have a home or not day after day. He says he would rather go live in the woods or be a bum. Its been going on for a year now. I thought he was getting better but now he is back to kicking us out and threatening not to pay rent. I dont know what else to do. Ive been through so much with him in the last year and I dont want to give up on him but it seems like thats what he wants.

Ive been married to a veteran for over 20 years, 7 of those years were active, since retirement he has progressively gotten worse. Ive dealt with betrayal, lying, infidelity, verbal and emotional abuse, no bad physical, maybe forced sex (hard to explain), manipulative, great bull *******, looking at underaged girls online and leaving messages, he has done some bizarre things in the past, hurtful. Ive been telling him for many years to get help. 2 1/2 years ago he had a contract job in Afghanistan and had a very explicit relationship with an old girlfriend and after all these years with abuse, that broke the camels back for me. I filed for divorce and ended up backin out thinking ok, maybe we can work it out....down the road .... three months was ok, but my feelings went back to where they were...couldnt get past it. Did some counseling but in reality he had to go get counseling for his CRS/PTSD I cant give him that I told him I was moving to an apt then all of sudden he gets religious on me and goes to divorce/separated groups, mind you we arent divorced....he goes to the va and starts his counseling etc. He bombards me with all these christian movies, books, etc. He's making me look bad in front of his family and kids that Im the one breaking up the family....My kids are 18/19 and I dont expect them to understand, no, they dont know everything that Ive put up with for the last 15+ years. He's been out of work since June and had to put up with several times of unemployment and instability. He comes up with these unrealistic ways of making money or tells me about these jobs and they never come around."I got a job offer this week and Ill be starting the job soon" then it never happens. Now that he's doing these PTSD group appts he now gets a offer overseas and wants the job in Afghanistan. OMG this will not help is healing and our marriage, it makes me as if he's running away.....well this is a start for discussion.....any help for me?

good or bad has nothing to do with it PTSD is bad news make sure you file a VA claim for it and started the paper work<br />
<br />
i do not know what he saw over there but i can tell you about the ghost that come to me at night the night mares the flash back due to smells<br />
the smell of death that will never leave me<br />
i caneven tell you about the smell of death as you take anothers life

I can't believe that what I'm reading... Is what I am going through too. You just feel so alone when your helping someone recover from what they have seen and done when they have been on tour. My boyfriend is an amazing infantry man. Most of the time he is fine, but then there are periods of time which can last from days to months when he is un recognisable. He is snappy, inpatient, angry, distant and tense. Even a simple task of going shopping will turn into a military operation. He runs around the supermarket like he is being timed, he sits in crowded places looking everywhere else but at me. It's like he is constantly alert just in case he needs to react. His eyes are distant and staring into space when he does it. The other day I looked at him and it made me so sad to see him that way. I just wanted to take away what he was thinking and replace his thoughts with happy carefree ones. The smallest things can set this off... Such as my nan's cooking pot... It reminded him of an incident in a cookhouse in Iraq. He totally flipped out. He would never intentionally hurt me. However when he flipped out he kicked me. He didn't even remember doing it. Only when he saw me limping and asked me is when I told him. He forever tells me to leave him, as he's no good for me. He always reminds me that these periods will happen. But I would never leave him. He used to have really bad nightmares but these have died down lately. People often forget about the wives/ girlfriends. It is so hard to know what to do. You feel useless, guilty, helpless... And at the time, you feel like it is your fault... It's only when you step back and think this isn't him talking. Everything is my fault when things go wrong in the house... We just have to remember... They do want and need us there. Even if it don't feel like sometimes. My boyfriend has discharged himself from physiatric advice, but I can't force him to go back. I just have to wait for the next time that he realises he needs help... Until then... I'll just keep praying....

Hello, I have read a lot of other post and i must say that the men and women that has stuck by their loved ones while dealing with the PTSD is very Strong and i have learned a lot jus by reading your post thank you. But i jus wanted to seek out sum help for my self today so if anyone can help me in any way possible with information or a different route other than what im doing now i would apprecitate it. My husband and i should actually still be on our honey moon. we jus recently got married but i see that he has changed. He is a Ex. Marine and now currently in the ARMY. We dated for a while that he had to tour to IRAQ. this is his 3rd time going. and now there talking about sending him on another tour this year as well. When we were dating he informed me that he had a horrible past marriage and he also suffered from PTSD. I listend and brushd it off to because he didnt show any symptoms or signs of PTSD he was NORMAL. But when he returned shortly 2 months later the signs and symptoms came to. HE DRINK SO MUCH EVERYDAY. once he get off he drink untill he goes to bed wake up go to work and back at it again. He is always ANGRY. He blames me for everything that is not right with the marriage. im always the cause of something. He gets depressed so much. he zone out all the time. he has ben on medication before i met him but he say that it makes him feel like a zombi. he didnt like it. he was in a mental hospital for a about two weeks but thats all he ever told me. he CLEARLY dosent wants to talk about it. he dosent want to do anything lately but DRINK. no sex, kissin, i loves u, nothing that he used to do when we were dating. im always stressed and crying. I'm now starting to seek info on PTSD due to the fact i see my newly marriage is falling apart. and i deal with a husband who has mood swings everyday. he is not physically abusive but mentally he is. i love him dearly but the things he says to me i feel that sometimes he cud care nonthing about me. he holds grudges for two and three days he dont drop anything. he always talks to me as though im one of his soliders. i jus dont understand why he wont try seeking some help again. we recently moved away from my family and now i cant jus go to my family house to get some peace so im dealing with these symptoms all by my self. he says he loves me and than with the bl<x>ink of an eye he shuts down again and depressed and drinks his days away im afraid my husband will suffer from liver problems or worst idk but i really need a better out look on the situation than what im doing now becasue this isnt working.

my husband does the drinking thing too sounds just like him minus the ex-wife we've only been married two years we got married bout six months after his first tour and i brushed it off when he said he had ptsd gosh i feel like i just posted your entire situation on here a few min ago this situation makes me feel so alone

Hi My name is Adonna and I have know Manny since 4 years from his return from Vietnam in 1965.He was a wonderful man until he started acting strange in the first year I was with him. He drank, lied. cheated and whatever else he could do. I was in my 20's and had my whole life ahead of me but there was something special about him. In those days they really did not accept the fact that these men were damaged by what they saw and what they had to do. They all went over normal and returned back to the US a different person, a person that families, wives and friends did not know. I eventually had to leave this man and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Years went but, we both got married and one day in 1990 he and I met up again. He was getting a divorce and so was I.We met and the first time he tried to kiss me I was terrified from the past. He said that he had changed. He seemed different but time would tell me different. He has never been physically abusive but sometimes I think that would be better than the mental abuse.Shortly after we moved in together I came across A woman who had written a book on Vietnam. As much as he hated me reading it, I got through it and learned a lot. I learned that they love to run, I learned that they have real issues and the most important thing I learned was 3 things. #1 It is NOT you and it is not your fault, he has to change and you cannot help him except for the fact that you support him. #2You have to make the decision with a vet who has been hurt mentally to either walk away or be prepaired to fight with him for the rest of your life.. #3 Never let yourself go. I married him in 1998, very hard because they do not want to commit.They are afraid to get too close for the fear of losing. This is why it is so easy for them to walk away. We have been pretty happy and that has been very important. You live day by day and you give up a lot of you to help him. He has done OK through the years until he went for C and P exam which rated him with PTSD. He has begun to see a Mental Health Dr, and yes it has gotten worse. Two times threating suicide and once being put into the hospital for observation. It has brought back a lot of un happy times and has made him worse. Last Monday he finally hit the bottom, got up while I was sleeping and drew money out of the bank and flew back to his home state. He called me from the airport when he landed crying uncontrolability. I have a nurse friend that will take him to the Veterans to see a psychiarist and I hope he get new medication to assist him. All I can do after all of these years is, Wait. It is horrible to go through this and you never get over it and it never gets easier. My prayers and thoughts are with you all. Although I don't know the millions out there, somehow I feel as though I do . If you are interested in trying to understand Patience Mason wrote the book I read many years ago called."Recovering From The War". Read it to understand. Barnes and Nobles has it but it is very limited. Good Luck and God Bless Whoever you are, my thoughts are with you daily/ Adonna

My husband is not a recent vet but I hope I can post here. He was in the Navy in the 80s and did see some bad things on board ship (machinery and pilot deaths). However, he then went on to be a correctional officer for twenty years which destroyed the man I knew. I have been married for 22 years and feel this may be the end. He is on antidepressant meds but in the past three weeks his PTSD has accelerated. He is anxious about our neighbors (punk kids...annoying but no crime or danger). He bought surveillance cameras and microphones today. He is quick to anger. He blames me for everything and says I lie. My poor 11 year old had to hear him say he wanted to choke me last night. I am only part time and cannot leave with the funds I have. I have a degree but the economy is horrible. He keeps peeking out windows and doors and is wasting all his time on these kids! So sad to say I had to call a lawyer today. I love him so much. I hope people understand the stress of public safety families. No one seems to get it. There is a 85 percent divorce rate. We made it through the 20 years and he falls apart in retirement. He is only 46.

Yikes. I too am married to a man with severe PTSD due to 3 combat dplmnts to Iraq and Afghan...My guy is paranoid about the outside too and talks about killing people like it is nothing. I am a little bit scared.

I am a 100% disabled Marine and 70% of the disability is PTSD. I have been in and out of jail for disorderly conduct and harassment charges and a couple DV charges for making phone calls to my children that broke the restraining order by calling my ex wifes house to talk to my children. A wife can destroy a PTSD veterans life through the court system as they know what buttons to push to get their way. If a PTSD is hurting children and rapeing people that is not PTSD he has other issues. I just want to have my space when I am spinning and get out of my way and leave me alone. Sociaty needs to change not the PTSD veteran you have to stop trying to push things down oiur throat we know when we are feeling well so listen to us and calm down the kids and clean the house and stay out of our way. We love you and at times don't trust you and regret our out burst but do our best to fit into this selfish society and try to conform to becoming a sheeple life and fit in. If you went to the zoo and a lion got out of his cage would you get in his face and poke him with a stick? NO you would not. You know how to aproach a wild animal so back off and speak nicely and calm and give us space.

Thank you for your honesty. I am really trying to understand how my husband feels. First I wanted to know becuase I really cared about him and his feelings. Now I just need toknow how to act around him. The lion picture helped. Really.

I love my husband very much and im so lost on how to help him the military keeps saying he's fine put this is not my husband when he relapses he pushes me away what's nothing to do with me or our kids cheats on me and not only spends all of our money in our bank accounts but racks up credit cards like there nothing watching him go throw this breaks my heart maybe you can tell me how else to help him other then stay out of his way i try to but im so scared im going to lose him one day

Your story really hit home for me. My husband suffers from PTSD after many tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. His anger levels have sky rocketed and he has little to no patience. He has checked himself, has been forced to in some cases, into mental health facilities many times but it just seems to just be a temporary fix. His problems are more than just anger, he has flashbacks, can barely drive because he thinks that everything on the road is a bomb. I feel horrible for him but I am suffering too, I just focus on doing what I can for him and hope that one day he will wake up from whatever horrible dream plays in his head each day.

What is WTU?

eby79, it's good to hear you say that you still love your husband after all that has happened. It is really hard to look past all of the hurt and remember that you still love these guys after they put you through so much. I'm glad that you understand that he has a problem and needs help rather than just hating him. As we both know, there are military wives that leave or cheat on their husbands for much much less. I haven't gone through many of the things that you have been put through. I'm not going to pretend like I know exactly what you are going through when I don't. My husband hasn't hit us. I don't know what I would do if he ever does. I feel awful that I've planned out how I will throw myself in front of my kids if I see my husband raise his hands. I make sure my son sits behind him in the truck so that he can't reach hit him. I rarely leave my kids alone with him. I run into the room when I hear him raising his voice. It's heart breaking to think that I have to protect our kids from their dad. It hurts to doubt him like that but I know I have to. I know he would hate himself more if he ever hurt them. You are doing the right thing by seperating yourself from your husband for the time being. I really truely and sincerly hope that your husband gets the help that he needs. I hope you find the strength to work through it and find a way to put your family back together. Good luck.

My husband was admitted into UBH(University Behavioral Health Center) the 27th of March of 2009. He told the chaplain that he could not control his anger and could hurt himself as well as others. My husband returned from a 14 month tour in Iraq in December of 2007 and immediately he was different. We went on block leave and had to call the police several times because of his outbursts of anger and rage toward me and my family. My husband began physically abusing me about a month and a half after he had returned. My husband was not physically abusive before he went to Iraq but returned someone else. We have two children which both had great relationships with their dad before Iraq and now they despise him. I went to the military for help and they banned me from base and basically covered it all up. Just recently I have started reporting to local law enforcement what he has been doing and charges of child abuse and rape are pending. He went into the hospital and was diagnosed with PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and MDD(Major Depression Disorder). He is being medicated and so far I have not had any contact with him, only his commander and staff sergeant. I am hesitant to call or to visit because he has been for the most part blaming me for all that has happened. I know he is sick and he needs help. I love my husband and I am going through a healing process myself after dealing with PTSD untreated for about a year and a half. I'm tired and so are my kids but we are trusting God and letting him guide our paths.

Even though it seems drastic to you and I, it sounds like your husband is gettting the help he needs. I'm sorry he has to be in such a place to get it though-it seems like he would do better with other guys going through what he's going through. You and your kids should look into some counseling at your local vet center for yourselves so you can knowledgably stand by your husband and so your kids can try to understand what is going on with daddy on their own level.<br />
Best thoughts and wishes for your family-stay strong.

Bless, stay strong and I will keep you and him in my prayers. My husband has struggled with P.T.S.D and thing have for once calmed down. Just being there for him will help allot. Let him when hes ready to talk talk. Don't push him. Maybe get him a journal so he can write everything down.x