I Need Help

I am about to get married to an officer.  We've been together for 3 years, but this is my first experience with him on active duty.  We recently moved to a new base and I haven't been able to meet anyone or get a job yet.  He's away on training for a few weeks and I'm having a really difficult time adjusting.  I can't break out of it.  I'm upset all the time.  I know I need to get out and do things, but I don't have any support right now.  I'm very much a people person and need people around to be happy.  I'm looking for suggestions on how to deal with the time apart when I don't have anyone else around.  He's getting deployed this summer and I don't want to be this upset for a whole year.  I know I put strain on our relationship because he knows how sad I've been and it stresses him out a little.  I don't want to ruin our relationship before really even get started.

gally25 gally25
4 Responses Mar 6, 2009

thanks for all your advice and support!

Take you time and don't rush anything. You'll just upset yourself more if you think your not meeting people or getting a job fast enough. You'll get your footing soon enough. right now you should make a list of all the things you like to do or would like to do and decide which of those things you would like to make a goal or hobby. both of those things are good for deployment or separation. the closer you get to finishing your goal the more your able to realize that time IS passing. you can always jump on here to help pass the time. :)

Your going to be fine hun! It does take sometime to figure out what to do with yourself, and what works best for you!!!!<br />
Reaching out to support groups like this is a GREAT start! Plenty of people here that are or have or will be going through what you are...not to worry, your NOT loosing your mind, and your NOT the only one that feels like that!<br />
As I tell so many others, you need to find your inner strength and thrive on it! Find out what keeps you going in the first place and grow on that!<br />
You'll be able to find things to do and show your man that you are strong and can do this! NOT that you don't need him, but he'll know that he won't have to worry about you all that much,,,cause YOU GOT THIS!<br />
I'm always here with a shoulder or an ear!

Hey girl! I have definitely been in your shoes:) First, when he gets home from training, ENJOY the time that you have together. Do what you can to NOT stress during the training- this is your way to prove to yourself that you can do it for the long separation. My husband left last summer, and I have learned a lot in the last year. The time you have together is so precious, so work on savoring that time and creating great memories, rather than stressing over how crappy you think you are going to feel while he is away. The truth is, you have not had to cross that bridge just yet:) It does suck, I will not lie to you. But, it is also an opportunity for you to grow as well. As far as meeting people, get to know some of the other wives in his unit. You will click with some and you won't with others. But chances are, you will be able to make a few great friends. I got involved with the FRG. Some spouses choose not to, but it is what you make of it. Working has really been my lifesaver during this deployment. I teach high school, so there are a few other wives at the school who are going through the same thing as me. We take care of each other. We actually started our own little running group and now we go and run races together. It has definitely become a special group of friends and a part of my life I will never forget. Living on post has been pretty great too. I have a WONDERFUL neighbor and we are able to talk and hang out and be there for each other. Depending on where you are stationed, on-post housing can be pretty nice!! Volunteering is a great way to be around people. I volunteer with the USO, so there is always a chance to meet people and make others smile:) Do things that YOU want to do!! You will be fine:) Some days are extremely painful, but many days fly by. You should try to plan out milestones during the year...like, make it to your friend's wedding, then make it to Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then R&R, and so on...:) Let me know if you need anything!!! And enjoy these moments together!!!!!